1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Inappropriate Sexual Behaviour

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by TinaT, Jul 16, 2007.

  1. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    Husband Ken has been in hospital nearly a week for medical assessment. The medication prescribed for his extreme anxiety attacks is no longer helping and I am hoping that something more effective can be sorted out for him. It has been a difficult time for both of us to cope with. He is now in a calmer and more sedated state but it is very hard to visit him and see him looking such an old and frail man, just another one of the many old and frail looking patients on the ward.

    I arrived on the ward this afternoon and was taken into the office by the sister who told me Ken had been kissing and cuddling the females on the ward!! What a shock this was for me!! I had read of this sort of behaviour on TP and this did help me to cope with the news. She said that if he continued doing this they would have to move him upstairs to a male only ward. What more degredation can this horrible illness throw at us????? Haven't we suffered enough????????

    I already had some knowledge that this sort of behaviour happens sometimes with AZ. I got this information from a previous posting on TP a while ago. This did help me to cope today and I have posted now in order to support any one else who may find themselves in this terribly embarrassing position.

    How good it is to have this site and how well it prepared me to cope with things today. xx TinaT
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Tina,

    I`m so pleased that previous posts, helped buffer the shock of the news of inappropriate sexual behaviour.

    Even so, I can imagine it was quite distressing for you.

    It`s the loss of dignity and acting out of character that`s so upsetting. I remember it with my mother, pre-TP, and I was horrified.

    I hope for both your sakes there might be some way to control this, and share your despairabout Alzheimers and what it does to our lives.

    Thank you very much for posting to help others.

    Love xx
  3. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    Dear Tina,

    It is unfortunate that the sister on the ward doesn't understand that this is not uncommon behaviour for Alzheimer patients. I think her response is too harsh for the situation.

    My personal opinion, I don't think a kiss and a cuddle will hurt anyone. If the ladies are co-operating and everyone is happy, what is the problem? I do understand that it is very difficult for you to have your husband behaving this way. Even though you know it is simply the disease and nothing else, it must make your heart ache. But if it makes him less anxious, it does have its benefits.

    Try and have a talk with the sister - I think her reaction is extreme and misinformed.

    Take care.

  4. Nebiroth

    Nebiroth Registered User

    Aug 20, 2006
    Unfortunately I think the sister is probably going to have to err on the side of caution. It may be that the ladies who are the object of the behavior are finding it objectionable or distressing - or their families if it happens during visiting times. The sister may also be worried that things could escalate beyond things like simple cuddlings. Lastly, it might just be that the behavior could in a legal sense be construed as one patient abusing another.
  5. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    Good point about the legal sense of the affection being construed as abuse. It really does depend on the type of physical affection and if the recipients are objecting. I realize the families may also find displays of affection embarrassing and worrying.

    There is a man in my mother's nursing home who routinely sits with two ladies & holds both their hands at the same time. Not always the same two ladies either! This is fairly harmless behaviour and the staff don't have a problem with it. Also, the fact that Ken is in a hospital makes things very different, as I find hospital staff don't seem nearly as well-informed or trained to deal with dementia issues, even if they are on a dementia unit.

    Tina, keep us informed as to what happens.

  6. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    I have to agree with Neborith on this one. Even if the ladies in question are happy about it, it does not necessarily mean they have given their "informed consent". If any of them are there for dementia reasons (is this assessment ward for dementia only?), then they cannot be deemed to give genuine consent.

    Also, it is unlikely Ken would recognise or understand if someone did NOT welcome his advances (unless they were very clear about it) so he could be cuddling someone who is unwilling.

    I have to say that looking at it from the other side, I would be distressed to find a strange man cuddling my Mum if the roles were reversed (unless she obviously welcomed the attention :eek: !!)

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