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In the eyes

sue_ellen

Registered User
Dec 26, 2015
17
Dad seems lost when I look in his eyes. Makes me feel so sad. Is this common with dementia sufferers


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Selinacroft

Registered User
Oct 10, 2015
936
Hi Sue Ellen
Is your Dad towards the advanced stages of dementia? My Dad has such a stoop and shut eyes most of the time, it's difficult to read much expression. Maybe your Dad still knows you behind those lost eyes.
 

sue_ellen

Registered User
Dec 26, 2015
17
selina - it's hard to tell. If I'm talking to dad its like he's looking beyond me. Eyes fixed. Only had confirmation of Alzheimer's 2yrs ago but as they say he could've had it even longer


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sue_ellen

Registered User
Dec 26, 2015
17
I always sound so selfish . This condition isn't about me. It's my dad and I'm looking at how it's taking him away from me. Mum passed away over a decade ago. Got desertion issues going on


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canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,627
South coast
No, you dont sound selfish, you sound concerned.
Its always so difficult when you notice something different You find yourself saying - is it me or is it him? It is hard to cope with the decline and we are dealing with grief for the person we are losing as well as everything else.
 

1mindy

Registered User
Jul 21, 2015
539
Shropshire
Photographs of my OH taken in July show a fairly normal look. Ones taken in October show a very distinct change, even though he is with our beloved daughter he has a look in the eye that is very vacant and a lack of understanding. Also one eye has a very marked droop now, no idea why.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,103
Scotland
Sue Ellen does your Dad have Parkinson's? My mother did not have dementia but her Parkinson's gave her a fixed look with no emotion. This was so unlike her real personality I found it hard to deal with and just wish I had understood better at the time what was causing it.
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
16,503
66
Toronto, Canada
I've seen this look very often. I think of it as the "thousand yard stare". In some ways I've been lucky because when my mother was well, she did not express emotion very much facially so her lack of expression now is not as difficult for me. But I can well imagine how hard and heartbreaking it must be for someone to see a once vividly animated loved one become so expressionless.
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,524
North East England
My mam has this look, now. As though she's just not there any more. She looks at me and mostly there's nothing there, although occasionally I can tell she's wondering who I am; puzzlement. But mainly, nothing. I find it hard to deal with.
 

southlucia

Registered User
Dec 19, 2011
166
My dad's eyes are vacant, empty. I describe this as 'the lights have gone off'.
Until recently, his eyes would change at each visit. Sometimes the light was there, although dim; at others, the lights were much brighter - some sparkle was there. Now, the lights have gone off. He stares through me and his eyes are just vacant. So sad.