Hi Sue Ellen
Is your Dad towards the advanced stages of dementia? My Dad has such a stoop and shut eyes most of the time, it's difficult to read much expression. Maybe your Dad still knows you behind those lost eyes.
No, you dont sound selfish, you sound concerned.
Its always so difficult when you notice something different You find yourself saying - is it me or is it him? It is hard to cope with the decline and we are dealing with grief for the person we are losing as well as everything else.
Photographs of my OH taken in July show a fairly normal look. Ones taken in October show a very distinct change, even though he is with our beloved daughter he has a look in the eye that is very vacant and a lack of understanding. Also one eye has a very marked droop now, no idea why.
Sue Ellen does your Dad have Parkinson's? My mother did not have dementia but her Parkinson's gave her a fixed look with no emotion. This was so unlike her real personality I found it hard to deal with and just wish I had understood better at the time what was causing it.
I've seen this look very often. I think of it as the "thousand yard stare". In some ways I've been lucky because when my mother was well, she did not express emotion very much facially so her lack of expression now is not as difficult for me. But I can well imagine how hard and heartbreaking it must be for someone to see a once vividly animated loved one become so expressionless.
My mam has this look, now. As though she's just not there any more. She looks at me and mostly there's nothing there, although occasionally I can tell she's wondering who I am; puzzlement. But mainly, nothing. I find it hard to deal with.
My dad's eyes are vacant, empty. I describe this as 'the lights have gone off'.
Until recently, his eyes would change at each visit. Sometimes the light was there, although dim; at others, the lights were much brighter - some sparkle was there. Now, the lights have gone off. He stares through me and his eyes are just vacant. So sad.