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In the dark with Alzheimer's & Mum. Time for home care or ... ??


Registered User
Dec 27, 2013
How to proceed with Mums Alzheimer's. Time for home care or ... ??

Hiya Guys,

Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's late 2012. In late 70's now. While still able to sit down with everyone, chat, meet people and chat while out and about - the forgetfulness is getting more apparent, attention span is zero.

Coupled with this she has arthritis in the spine top to bottom that causes extreme pain ... apparently. I say apparently because no doubt it is there, the severity is questionable according to some family members. The thought is that it has become more of a crutch for herself as the excuse for memory issues as it is always having a bad day and the memory not great. No she has not been told directly that she has Alzheimer's and dad doesnt like that A word being used, though that is loosening up a bit now.

She is getting minor exercise in the morning via her primary carer - my dad who is also in late 70's. BOTH always have been / are independent.

Mum is putting on alot of weight. Less and less wants to walk, in fact cannot walk very far now - the pain in the back. What a difference a year makes. In September 2012 they were traveling in Europe with us with no such issues.

Another big thing is now the NEED to have to go somewhere each day. This mainly locally to get a coffee or whatever - just the need to want to travel. My dad dreads the words "Where are we going today". This ALWAYS has to be with my dad in tow ( he drives ). Even if we take her out she insists he always has to be with her. Is this all common with Alzheimer's?

In a nutshell all of the above is obviously having an impact on my dads health - tired all the time now, no rest mentally or physically.

So - the rest of the family. We are not living near by, but are about half hour to an hour away from parents. Some with own family, some also with work/jobs, one is living closest and is not working at the moment ( not married ) and in fairness does most outside caring and driving when possible.

I am not sure what stage we are at with Mums Alzheimers, maybe others here can sort of tell from the description above?

As the subject says I / We are in the dark with how to handle / proceed with Mum and Alzheimer's. Concerned about dads health. Keeping in mind the independence and they not wanting to be a "burden". I and other family members have recently discussed home help and about having that chat with Mum.

This is alI can think of at the moment, looking forward to 2014 with uncertainty to be honest - any general pointers / advice gratefully accepted and much appreciated.

(PS - In Republic of Ireland)
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Registered User
Jan 10, 2013
Hubby is the same was diagnosed 3 years ago only 61 years old now. Any social event and he would never go without me. Even going to sleep is a problem no matter how tired he is he will not go upstairs without me. The only place he goes alone is the charity shop he works in 3 afternoons for 3 hours and the local shop to buy his lottery. Life is exhausting with him following me everywhere and all day...........Just have to accept it and smile he does not realize his actions are getting me down some days.

Jeanie 73

Registered User
Apr 20, 2013
N Lincolnshire
I find myself feeling panic when my Daughter goes out and I stay in, also having frightening thoughts of awful accidents happening, I don't want to feel this and restrict her life!

I have now discussed this with Memory clinic and told it was natural to feel this when you rely mainly on the one constant in your life!
At the moment i'm aware of it and don't tell my Daughter how afraid I feel when she is not here but expect there will come a time when I have less control!

Just a view from the other side of Alzheimers ie someone with early stages of it, hope it helps, Jeanie xx