Sorry Jenny, don't know what to say to help. It does all seem to have piled up and your mum's dementia robbed you of the support you needed after losing your dad I think. Forgive if I have mentioned this before or you tried it, but my massage therapist provided a great relaxed place to offload. She then suggested counselling to deal with anything deeper, and that has helped. Would either of those be worth considering? We are all here if you need us, but don't worry if you can't post.