In need of a virtual hug

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,341
Bristol
Hi everyone

I feel really bad not keeping up with eveyone.

Mum is gradually declining

My beautiful 15 month old cat hasn't come home. We think he made his way to the railway.

I'm not coping well. Life has been tough for the last seven years.

My younger daughter had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy, six weeks before dad died. A few months after dad died, mum started to behave a bit oddly and (after a struggle) she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. We muddled along for a while.
Then got carers & meals on wheels. We haven't had a break for over four years.
Last April our beautiful cat died (21!) We adopted two kittens last August. They are timid and only happy with us. Our Max hasn't been seen since the morning of the 16th.
I am struggling a bit. All my grief about dad and now mum seems to be concentrated on my beautiful boy
I miss him so much
So sad
Sorry Jenny, don't know what to say to help. It does all seem to have piled up and your mum's dementia robbed you of the support you needed after losing your dad I think.

Forgive if I have mentioned this before or you tried it, but my massage therapist provided a great relaxed place to offload. She then suggested counselling to deal with anything deeper, and that has helped. Would either of those be worth considering?

We are all here if you need us, but don't worry if you can't post.
 

Louby65

Registered User
Mar 26, 2014
619
Scotland
Hi everyone

I feel really bad not keeping up with eveyone.

Mum is gradually declining

My beautiful 15 month old cat hasn't come home. We think he made his way to the railway.

I'm not coping well. Life has been tough for the last seven years.

My younger daughter had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy, six weeks before dad died. A few months after dad died, mum started to behave a bit oddly and (after a struggle) she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. We muddled along for a while.
Then got carers & meals on wheels. We haven't had a break for over four years.
Last April our beautiful cat died (21!) We adopted two kittens last August. They are timid and only happy with us. Our Max hasn't been seen since the morning of the 16th.
I am struggling a bit. All my grief about dad and now mum seems to be concentrated on my beautiful boy
I miss him so much
So sad
Oh Jenny , my heart goes out to you . Sometimes life throws us more than our fair share of bad luck . Please know that I am thinking of you and hoping that rainbow of hope sn't so far away , because you certainly deserve it my friend . Lou xxx
 

jknight

Registered User
Oct 23, 2015
786
Hampshire
Sorry Jenny, don't know what to say to help. It does all seem to have piled up and your mum's dementia robbed you of the support you needed after losing your dad I think.

Forgive if I have mentioned this before or you tried it, but my massage therapist provided a great relaxed place to offload. She then suggested counselling to deal with anything deeper, and that has helped. Would either of those be worth considering?

We are all here if you need us, but don't worry if you can't post.
Thanks Rob. I don't want to add to you lovely people's burdens. Mum isn't too bad but I have had one after another thing for the last few years. Good things have happened (my lovely grandchildren)
I am looking into counselling.
Thank you so much for asking when C is your focus xxx
 

jknight

Registered User
Oct 23, 2015
786
Hampshire
Oh Jenny , my heart goes out to you . Sometimes life throws us more than our fair share of bad luck . Please know that I am thinking of you and hoping that rainbow of hope sn't so far away , because you certainly deserve it my friend . Lou xxx
Thanks Lou,
I miss my beautiful boy so much. Many tears for him. Daisy seems OK. Just needs a lot of love. I just wonder what I have done to deserve all this. I must've been awful in a previous life!
 

jknight

Registered User
Oct 23, 2015
786
Hampshire
Hi all!
No sign of my precious boy. Still desperately sad but coping.
Hope you are all ok.
Sorry I haven't been keeping up with our thread. I may not be posting but I think of you all, often xxx
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,341
Bristol
Hi all!
No sign of my precious boy. Still desperately sad but coping.
Hope you are all ok.
Sorry I haven't been keeping up with our thread. I may not be posting but I think of you all, often xxx
Evening Jenny, sorry your wee boy has not turned up. Hope he turns up somewhere.
Not been keeping up myself, but we are doing ok thanks. C made it to her club this week and I met a few of the other people's carers at a coffee morning before heading off for a hike round the suburban nature reserves.
Gill and Lou, how are you and your families doing?
 

Louby65

Registered User
Mar 26, 2014
619
Scotland
Hi all!
No sign of my precious boy. Still desperately sad but coping.
Hope you are all ok.
Sorry I haven't been keeping up with our thread. I may not be posting but I think of you all, often xxx
Hi Jenny , I'm so sorry you still haven't got your precious boy back :-( Hope you and your family are doing as well as you all can . How's your lovely granddaughter getting on ? Everything ok with my mum and I , enjoyed a wee trip to Ayr today . Her day centre were going to the coast today but they had previously said my mum was finding it difficult with journeys if she needed the toilet , so I said she wouldn't go . I didn't want to argue with them that I take my mum out most weekends with no issues, as I think the fact she now uses a wheelchair was now more of the issue as there might not be enough staff to help . Funny enough , on the way back we passed their minibus and gave them a wave . My niece joined us and we went for a lovely afternoon tea. Take care Jenny , keep your chin up my friend . Lou xxx
 

Louby65

Registered User
Mar 26, 2014
619
Scotland
Evening Jenny, sorry your wee boy has not turned up. Hope he turns up somewhere.
Not been keeping up myself, but we are doing ok thanks. C made it to her club this week and I met a few of the other people's carers at a coffee morning before heading off for a hike round the suburban nature reserves.
Gill and Lou, how are you and your families doing?
Evening Rob , I'm so pleased C has been managing to get to her Thursday club . It gives you a chance to have some ' me time' , which I'm sure is most welcome. Joining a carers group is an excellent way of connecting with like minded people . I was offered a chance to go but unfortunately they are on during the day when I'm working . You haven't posted any of your fabulous photos for a while. Have you and C managed to get out much lately for a wee trip somewhere ? Don't know what the weather is like in your neck of the woods but summer doesn't last a season here in Scotland , it only manages a few days worth ;-). Hope you and C have a good weekend . Lou
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,341
Bristol
Evening Rob , I'm so pleased C has been managing to get to her Thursday club . It gives you a chance to have some ' me time' , which I'm sure is most welcome. Joining a carers group is an excellent way of connecting with like minded people . I was offered a chance to go but unfortunately they are on during the day when I'm working . You haven't posted any of your fabulous photos for a while. Have you and C managed to get out much lately for a wee trip somewhere ? Don't know what the weather is like in your neck of the woods but summer doesn't last a season here in Scotland , it only manages a few days worth ;-). Hope you and C have a good weekend . Lou
Nice to hear from you Lou, your trip to Ayr with your mum and your niece sounds good. A pity your mum's centre couldn't give her some extra trips out in the short Scottish summers. Sorry you are missing the carers groups, I seem to be involved in about 3 different ones now and don't know how I survived without them.

I seem to have spent most of the sunny days this summer in the garden with our neighbours, where last year I would have taken my camera round the woods via a pub. Maybe in the autumn I'll get out again and take some more pics.

Hope you can get out a bit more in August and your mum is ok despite the need for a wheelchair now. All the best, R
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,341
Bristol
Hi all....sorry for the delay....been feeling a bit run down... been running to the loo for about twelve weeks now...think it is finally wearing me out !!! no results back yet...no news is good news so they say , I have now had my appointment for the spinal surgery clinic ...its next month....oh is OK but doctor has ordered yet another blood test....this will be three this week....there seems to be a problem with his kidney function... the good news is that it was not a blood clot but fluid on his leg....also his blood pressure is very high...ironically one of bp meds is making him dehydrated.... Its all a bit confusing ...but he is at home and thankfully not in hospital
Lou....its lovely to hear from you....are you doing OK my dear friend.... and how is your wee mum ?....look after yourself.. If you want a chat pm me xxx
Rob...how are you and c doing ? will c be going to day care tomorrow... If so I hope you have something good planned let us know please about your me time tomorrow xxx
Well goodnight all ...take care
PS....sorry jenny I forgot to say I hope that your cat comes home to you safe and well soon xx I know how you must be feeling xx
Morning Gill, not seen you posting for a while. Hope you and your hubby are ok and the doctor has sorted out his tablets and dehydration. Don't worry about a long reply if you are still tired and not sleeping, just saying hello. All the best, R
 

jknight

Registered User
Oct 23, 2015
786
Hampshire
Hi all,
Glad to hear you are, mostly, ok!
My beautiful boy hasn't come home. I really think my grief for my lovely parents is coming out in my grief for Max. Still ridiculously watery!
We are dreadfully tired. In real need of a break (no holiday for 5 years) How do you lovely people cope? Mum is still living independently (with a lot of support from us) I'm feeling bad about saying we're tired when lots of you lovely people cope 24/7. It's just us looking after mum. We can put care into place but we would worry if we went away
Much love to you all, my dear friends xxx
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,341
Bristol
Evening Jenny, sorry your wee cat has not come back. It's always one thing too many isn't it. I'll send you a wee hug, you need it.
Christel still missing her mum. I put a photo of her on the wall as a reassuring reminder, but wonder if it just reinforces what she misses.
Best wishes everyone. Rob
 

jknight

Registered User
Oct 23, 2015
786
Hampshire
Evening Jenny, sorry your wee cat has not come back. It's always one thing too many isn't it. I'll send you a wee hug, you need it.
Christel still missing her mum. I put a photo of her on the wall as a reassuring reminder, but wonder if it just reinforces what she misses.
Best wishes everyone. Rob
Thanks Rob! The hug is very much appreciated xxx
I really think the photo is a great idea. Christel will be able to see her mum. I really don't think it will reinforce feelings of loss. Just comfort xxx
 

doodle1

Registered User
May 11, 2012
244
Hi Jenny
Can understand your sadness about the cat. My beautiful dog was diagnosed with terminal cancer around the time my parents care situation exploded exponentially and I can remember my kind GP saying sometimes the loss of an animal triggers all sorts of hidden grief .so big hugs
I know we' ve chatted about your need for a holiday before but maybe look at it like this...you worry all the time now,.....you will still worry if you go away on holiday but at least you will have had a holiday and a change of scenery even if you don't stop worrying. I sometimes look at worry like permanent toothache ,it never goes away but doing something different distracts for a moment.
Jane xx
 

jknight

Registered User
Oct 23, 2015
786
Hampshire
Hi Jenny
Can understand your sadness about the cat. My beautiful dog was diagnosed with terminal cancer around the time my parents care situation exploded exponentially and I can remember my kind GP saying sometimes the loss of an animal triggers all sorts of hidden grief .so big hugs
I know we' ve chatted about your need for a holiday before but maybe look at it like this...you worry all the time now,.....you will still worry if you go away on holiday but at least you will have had a holiday and a change of scenery even if you don't stop worrying. I sometimes look at worry like permanent toothache ,it never goes away but doing something different distracts for a moment.
Jane xx
Thanks Jane! I do think it has been a trigger. I am not usually someone who cries, at the drop of a hat, but since my boy went missing, that is exactly what I am!
Good point too about worrying with a change of scenery! The most we have managed for the last five years is a few two night breaks!
I will seriously look into what I can put into place to make sure mum is safe (if disgruntled!) & investigate breaks that are close enough to get back, if there is a real emergency (we live on the south coast so am thinking Isle of Wight)
Jenny xxx
 

jknight

Registered User
Oct 23, 2015
786
Hampshire
Heres a hug and a simple joke that might crack a smile.:)

What did the one Math Book say to the other Math Book?

I HAVE PROBLEMS
Chuckle! If the hug was for me, thank you!
I love bad jokes!
What's the difference between a buffalo & a bison?
You can't wash your hands in a buffalo!
(Sorry, everybody!)
 

jknight

Registered User
Oct 23, 2015
786
Hampshire
Hi Jenny , I'm so sorry you still haven't got your precious boy back :-( Hope you and your family are doing as well as you all can . How's your lovely granddaughter getting on ? Everything ok with my mum and I , enjoyed a wee trip to Ayr today . Her day centre were going to the coast today but they had previously said my mum was finding it difficult with journeys if she needed the toilet , so I said she wouldn't go . I didn't want to argue with them that I take my mum out most weekends with no issues, as I think the fact she now uses a wheelchair was now more of the issue as there might not be enough staff to help . Funny enough , on the way back we passed their minibus and gave them a wave . My niece joined us and we went for a lovely afternoon tea. Take care Jenny , keep your chin up my friend . Lou xxx
Thanks, Lou.

Ruby is four months old now and she recognises her grandma! My grandchildren are a joy!
Glad things are ok with your wee ma. It's a shame the day centre can't cope with her and the wheelchair. It's good you can still get out and about and it's lovely that your neice can join you.
Keeping my chin up! You do the same!!

Jenny xxx
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,341
Bristol
I may as well join in the terrible jokes. :D

I got arrested in a cafe last December for eating a slice of traditional German Christmas cake. I was charged with handling Stollen goods.

How is everyone, still not seen Gill for about 3 weeks now. Hope you are well.
Jenny, I hope you get some time away, a weekend on the Isle of Wight may be just what the doctor ordered.