I have been reading these pages for a while now and they bring back a lot of memories when my Nan had Alzheimers. She passed away a long time ago now.
Then reason I am writing is partly because I feel quilty and want to get it off my chest and the other reason is where do we go from here.
I noticed that my step mother- in-law was having memory problems and sometimes she would say odd things about 2 years ago, I spoke to her daughter and she said that I was over reacting and she could not see that there was anything to worry about. At Christmas my in-laws insisted that we spent Christmas Day with them with the 3 children. It was very hard - she really cooked a disasterous meal, cooked chicken breasts, peeled boiled potatoes and over cooked veg. I really tried to help, but she wouldn't let me and my father in-law said let her get on with it. She sat there the rest of the day looking very vacant and did not join in the conversation. Shortly after Christmas my father in-law came round and asked if I had noticed anything different about her. I said yes (well I said a lot more than that) and advised him to see his GP - he said no because he would be going round her back. In March he did see her GP. Anyway trying to cut this short last week was her appointment at the Memory Clinic for the results of her scans etc.
The thing that I do not understand is that my father in-law still does not know what is wrong with her (she does have a thyroid problem). He said that all the tests were clear and that the doctor has given her some new tablets which should help. I asked what they were and he showed me. They were aricept - so I take it from that that she has Alzheirmers. I mentioned to my father in-law that these tablets were for some form of Alzheimers. He went on to say that she is not as bad as some of the people at the clinic and he went on to describe them. I asked him if my mother-in-law new what was wrong with her. He said she just has memory problems, a lot of old people have memory problems. I have spoken to people if is quite common. He then said not to mention it and to stop going on there is no point worrying she could be run over by a bus. Stop worrying about it!
My husband then joined in and said why do you keep going on about it leave him alone he will only worry.
I feel terrible now I should have kept my big mouth tightly shut.
Some days he confides in me telling me about the day she had put the butter in the freezer and he got cross and that he upset her and felt quilty. The day they asked the neighbour round for coffee and she ignored her and went and hung the washing out. She has good days and bad days. On good days we can have a good conversation mainly about the past (discussing the present is difficult) on bad days she just looks vacant and withdrawn and very difficult to talk to. When I phone she knows who I am but cannot remember my name.
She can never find things in the kitchen and looking on this web site it suggest labelling but I mentioned it to him and he said I will not have my kitchen messed up. I think he finds it all rather embarassing. An old neighbour of theres has a handicapped child and he said it is so embarassing for them. I was so shocked when he said this. I suppose it is just there way and I have to learn how to act.
What do you think, do you think they should live every day as it comes and not look to the future is this a good way to be - just put your head in the sand. I must admit he does deal with a lot of things like this. My husbands mother died when he was 12 and he never encouraged him to go to the funeral and to this day he has never visited her grave. He is 45 now.
Thank you for reading this.