In a state tonight


Registered User
Apr 16, 2006
Help.... Mum needed a new oven, I found out her one had not worked for months. We went to choose a new one (not easy as high level grills are not popular now) we found one she liked but she complained about me making her spend money......I arranged delivery twice Mum forgot and went out to get a paper....arranged again took time off work again shop forgot to put it in their book. Took time off again fitter could not fit cooker because of new regulations...back to shop changed it for one with low level grill ..... Today booked a day off work.. my disabled daughter is not well.... SUGAR.... now what.. wrap her up take her with me to Mums and hope Mum will not catch her lurgey. Mum not pleased I have daughter with me because she never gets to see me.!!!!!!.....I did not scream but wanted too. sat five hours having the same conversation about when was I going to give her some of my time to take her Xmas shopping. 35 times I explained we had done it all of her presents were sorted and wrapped (I have not even started on my own).... Then the oven arrived and got fitted hoorray!!! not for long Mum can't use it....I showed her 12 times but dial has to be held in for a while and she can not remember that.. I wrote her instructions put them next to oven, asked her to do it she kept asking why I had made her buy an oven with no this point my daughter was looking green I had to take her home... then I recieve call from the messiah otherwise known as my brother to say Mum is upset and he thinks she is an accident waiting to happen... but he is too busy to help.. followed by a call from mum to say the new oven is broken and she wants the old one back!!I am now sitting waiting for Mums neighbor to ring me to say Mum has blown the house up in between mopping up daughters sick...sorry sorry for this rant I know you all know what it is like but it sooooo helps to be able to share it!!!:confused:


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
Do not be sorry, my mum was the same back then. Try not to let your mum, brother make you feel guilty , Angery , its hard I know .

you done what was right in getting oven .
How was you to know that

Your mum going to find it hard to learn new things now that she has dementia and she may never learn (((Hugs)))

What you have to do is learn how to deal with your mother when she reacts like she does to you, Yes its all part of the dementia and the confusion , god its so hard to not take it personally , In addition, to understand it all, I sure know how hard it was for me to believe it was down to dementia, that it could happen just the same to someone else , till I read up on it , in a few book and on TP


And tell your brother yes his right that’s how the system works , so he can go out and buy your mother an electric cooker , like that no gas can be left on , if he does not want to do that , sure he won’t . tell him to stop panicking you , that’s all you need
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Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
sort of north east ish
hugs panda

sounds like a horrid day. i remember having to get dad a new microwave because (after years of using it just fine) he suddenly started putting the grill part on instead of the microwave part and setting fire to his ready meals :( I got him the simplest microwave, and as similar to the one he'd had before (only without the fire hazard of the grill) but he could never get the hang of it. it's so frustrating when you think you've thought of everything that might be helpful or difficult and covered all bases ..... to then find it just don't work :eek:

you did your best. if your brother was able to spend more time around your mum he'd realise that that was true.


Registered User
Apr 10, 2006
Hi Panda

Sounds like you've had a really bad day!.............I have not been in this situation so i can only imagine how it must drive you potty .........and the only advice i can offer is to spend the rest of the night spoiling yourself...........nice relaxing bath, soft music, glass of won't solve your problems but a bit of relaxing time to yourself might make you feel a little better............and who knows............tomorrows another day and it might be much better than today;)

Sending you a hug (you deserve it!)
Love Alex x


Registered User
Jul 2, 2006
Newport, Gwent
Hiya Panda

What a day you have had, total nightmare for you.

We went through something similar with mum, she kept blowing up her microwave with foil containers, each time we would replace it with a new one of the same, then we couldn't get the same, we had no choice but to get a different one. The upshot of this was she acused me of stealing her old one (by which time we were on replacement no. 3!!). She would ring at 3:00am or some other ungodly hour, demanding I bring back her old one. Guess it's simply a case of 'you just cant win'. Hope you have better days to come.

Huge (((((hug))))



Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
I wanted to remove (and not replace) my mother's rickety old gas cooker while she was in hospital but didn't dare.

We did borrow a microwave and she did learn to use it, rather to my surprise, though of course she had no idea about time, when I pointed out that her underheated meal required 9 1/2 minutes.

I know about messiah brothers who are hardly ever there but think they have the right to tell us what to do from a safe distance!

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello Panda, What a nightmare you`re having. It`s impossible to learn to use anything new when dementia strikes.
My husband has the same problem. We have lived in this house 4 years. He was diagnosed with Alz. last year, although it must have been coming on well before then.
He cannot light the pilot on the gas fire, and keeps switching it off in error, because he sees the light and thinks the fire is still on. I bought the simplest cooker available, only 2 controls, but he confuses the oven and grill. The microwave is manual, but he will put a cup of milk in and turn the dial randomly, instead of to munber 1, and still doesn`t know where anything is.
He tells me that everything in this house is rubbish.
At least I live with him, so can correct mix ups as they happen [not that it does much for his self esteem] whereas you cannot always be there for your mother. It makes it so much more difficult.
Keep your chin up and look after yourself.


Registered User
Apr 16, 2006
Thanks for all the Hugs (just what I needed) I will be back at mum's in the morning in a calmer mood now to give her another cooker lesson...