in a state of panic

nemesisis

Registered User
May 25, 2006
100
thanks for all the advice have been for a meeting today with the hospital social services they have told me that mum cannot return to her own home as she is at risk from another fall and here you go! 'this is a list of care homes in your area - can you go this weekend and sort one out as she needs to be discharged) as mum owns her house she will be self funding so its up to me to find her a place to go and sell her house to pay her fees they also said to me that mum is stage 3 ?? so not all care homes will accept her. I was in such a state when I got home that I had to take to drink (2 glasses of wine) Is this what normaly happens I would have thought that there would be more support available than "sort it soon" after all if I dont and they say mum is not safe to go home what happens?
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,972
Derbyshire
This all sounds a bit unfair!!!!!! Not sure how the system works here but know that when you are self funding it is very much 'over to you'. What about your own SS and CPN and even GP - surely one of these will help you to move forward.
Other than that I cannot help - but I am sure many others here on TP will help you.

Good luck Jan
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,755
Kent
Dear nemesisis,

I`m not absolutely sure, but I don`t think the hospital will discharge your mother if she is at risk and you can show you are constructively doing all you can to find a good NH for her.

You should be able to get some support from your mother`s SW, even if she is self funding.

Have a look on line at local homes and CSCI reports which should save you time.
It`s ages since I looked at homes for my mother, but it`s quite a daunting task and I don`t feel the hospital should put you under such pressure or give you such short notice.

You could also try the AS Helpline on Monday , Tel. 0845 300 0336 8 30 a.m. -7 pm

You are in shock now, as this was so unexpected. I hope others will have more information to help you.

Love xx
 

nemesisis

Registered User
May 25, 2006
100
jan

unfortunatly the cpn (who was a great support) after three years has left to have a baby the doctor who was seeing mum for her Alzheimers has left and her GP who was lovely has retired so that just leaves ME
 

fearful fiona

Registered User
Apr 19, 2007
723
73
London
Dear Nemesisis,

This is par for the course, I'm afraid. When I was looking for a home for my Mum and Dad, I did a lot of work sitting at my PC, looking at CSCI reports etc., so that actually trawling around homes was not too challenging. I don't think you should be pressurized into rushing it. It takes time, it's a serious decision and shouldn't be rushed.

Hope you find something nice.
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Hi nemesisis, it's a shock to the system when that happens, isn't it? I panicked too when the hospital said that.

The first thing is, try not to panic.

The hospital has said your mum is not safe to go home, so they can't discharge her until you find a suitable place.

This weekend you need to go round as many care homes as you can, just to get a feel for them. You'll soon know which ones feel OK and which are definite no-nos.

Make sure you have a complete tour of each, ask for a brochure and price list, and a copy of the most recent inspection report. Check if each would be prepared to take your mum, and if there is a room available. If so, ask to see it.

Above all, don't make any decisions.

First thing on Monday, ring your mum's SW and explain the position, and ask for help. He/she should be prepared to talk to the hospital and insist that your mum is not discharged until a suitable place is found. Ask about the finances, as you'll have a house to sell.

Then decide on your possibles, and visit them again.

Once you have all that sorted, you should be feeling calmer, and more ready to make a decision. But still don't rush. They have to go at your speed, so don't let them panic you.

Just try to keep calm. I know it's scary, but if you do it step by step, you'll get there. Let us know how you get on.

Good luck,
 

nemesisis

Registered User
May 25, 2006
100
thanks fi

so despite them trying to pressure me I can take my time and check out homes they cannot make me choose this weekend
was in a state because I thought I had got to find somewhere quick (as he said) I will ring you on monday to see if you have sorted something out
 

jenniferpa

Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
39,448
Hazel's given you some good advice. When they call on Monday to ask you if you've sorted something out you simply say "no, not yet, still looking".
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,755
Kent
When they phone on Monday, either you will be out, looking at homes or will not have been able to find one in such a short time.
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
"sort it soon" after all if I dont and they say mum is not safe to go home what happens?
They soon find .
find replacement for CPN , Social worker , Doctor and they sort it all out for your mother , the state would just take over.

Surly they must be CPN that taken over CPN case load , even if its a duty CPN , Duty Social worker . till your mother altercated new one CPN social worker .
 

Norman

Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
4,348
Birmingham Hades
Hi Nemesisis
I would telephone the SS and ask for assisstance from a SW in finding a home.
When MY Peg went into a home we were given 3 to choose from.
When we found one that we thought suitable the SW assisted us with the paper work and the transport arrangements etc.
Take your time,don't let them push you,it is up to you to find the home that you want ,not rush into something to suit the hospital.
Please keep us informed
Norman
 

nemesisis

Registered User
May 25, 2006
100
bless all for support

my sister in law has just emailed me and she says if social services have assesed mum and said she is not fit to return home then they cannot discharge her so they are just pressuring me to sort something out this weekend they have to give me reasonable time to sort a care home apparently they have to issue some sort of notice
so although in a state not as much thanks all xx
 

melbee

Registered User
Sep 23, 2006
21
North West England
Dear Nemesisis,

My sister and I were in the same position 2 months ago. Mums house was already on the market for sale and we were told that until its sold Mum was not self funding, as she had no savings. We looked at several homes and were lucky enough to find a lovely home out of the 5 we looked at.

The social services pay at the moment and a contribution goes towards the costs out of Mums 2 pensions, leaving her a weekly allowance. I have to pay a weekly top-up fee which is not much, (a fiver) however her attendance allowance has stopped until she becomes self funding. She is in a dual home in the residential part at the moment, but will eventually have to go into the nursing part, which is downstairs.

It is a really awful thing to have to deal with when you, probably like us, are trying to comes to terms with you Mums illness already.

One thing that I take comfort from with Mum being self-funding though, is that we got to choose Mums home, and she is not far away.

I know what pain and anguish you are going through, but do not be harrassed, because if your Mum had another form of illness, they couldn't just kick her out of bed so to speak.

As others on here rightly say - we are only talking from our own experiences.

It will never get back to normal, the pain will never leave but it will become easier to bear over time.

My thoughts are with you

Mel
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
however her attendance allowance has stopped until she becomes self funding.
that does not sounds right melbee, as I thought AA was not mean tested , you get it no matter what if your self funded or not :confused:

did they say why they stop it [ attendance allowance ] melbee
 

melbee

Registered User
Sep 23, 2006
21
North West England
Hi Margarita,

They stopped AA (low rate) when Mum was in hospital, and now because she is in home being paid for by Social services. Say it will be re-instated (higher rate) as needs are greater, when she is fully self funding.

Please dont tell me it is wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mel
 

Kayla

Registered User
May 14, 2006
621
Kent
My Mum had Attendence Allowance even though she was self-funding. It is based on need and is non-taxable. She had the lower rate for years when she lived in her own home because she was disabled with Rheumatoid Arthritis and when she had to go into a Nursing Home she received the higher rate of Attendence Allowance, as well as Registered Nursing Care Allowance. These allowances are not means tested at all, only the patient's physical needs are taken into account.

Kayla
 

nemesisis

Registered User
May 25, 2006
100
margarita

no I have already been told that aa will stop until mum becomes self funded in other words because she has no savings but she owns her own home she will get no attendance allowence untill we sell her house and becomes self funding
(mad or what)
 

jenniferpa

Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
39,448
Well as long as they give you the 12 weeks disregard the AA not being paid shouldn't be an issue. However, if they start talking about deferred payments that's a different kettle of fish. In the former situation SS will pay the care fees for 12 weeks and NOT expect to be paid back, while in the latter they may pay them but would then expect to be reimbursed. I missed out on the former (because my mother had savings as well as property) - try to make sure you don't.