1. thefixer

    thefixer Registered User

    Oct 8, 2015
    Hi everyone. It's been a while since I've posted on the forum and hope someone can help.
    Long story short - my Dad was diagnosed with "mixed" dementia in 2011, although he had symptoms after travelling back from Australia in 2009. As soon as the "d" word was mentioned his wife (our stepmother) dramatically changed her attitude to Dad and us his 3 daughters. She verbally, physically and emotionally abused him at every opportunity. She could not be bothered to find out about the illness in order to help Dad and just wanted to be rid of him. She told lies to social services and said she was dealing with things on her own and had no help, whereas, in fact my husband and myself were visiting them in their home 2-3 times a week, taking them both to hospital appointments, shopping, doing odd jobs etc. She told us wrong times for when the Dr. and memory clinic team were visiting so that her story about having no support looked true. Luckily we arrived before the time she told us and caught her out, we told social services et al that she was not alone and we would do all we could to support Dad in his own home. She was outraged and menacingly said "so you want to help do you"? After this she continued to alienate Dad's family, we visited one evening, she answered the door and said "what do you want". I replied we had come to visit Dad. We had always treated her kindly and with respect as our Dad's wife (Mum died age 57 and we were happy Dad had found "love" again). They both attended all our family celebrations until Mothers Day in 2014, she told us they couldn't come as the chiropodist was coming. I queried the time of the appointment but she didn't know has she hadn't arranged it yet! I said to make it for after7pm and we would ensure that we would get them back home before that time. She said she wouldn't do that because she didn't want to.
    Little by little she tried to put us all off - she had a plan forming and didn't want us to foil it. On December 11 2014 I received a phone call from the stepmother's niece (who happened to be a police officer). She told me that she had been visiting Dad + his wife and the doctor from the memory clinic had visited at the same time (what a coincidence). The stepmother had insisted on getting Dad's medication from the kitchen to "show" the doctor as Dad had refused to take it that morning. She said that Dad had jumped out of his seat to bar her way and that she (the policewoman) feared that Dad would "strike the frail old lady". Consequently Dad was sectioned under the Mental Health Act 2, this apparently happened mid morning though the policewoman then took Dad and his wife out for lunch returning just before she phoned me at 16.30 to advise me of the incident adding that social services would arrive within the hour to remove Dad from the house he bought after selling our family home.
    We arrived at the house 2 hours later (we were looking after two of our grandchildren as our daughter in law had returned to work after maternity leave) The removal team had just arrived at the house and I entered the property before them, Dad was sitting reading the newspaper and watching the news on tv. He was very calm, I asked him what the problem was and he replied that he didn't have a problem/. His wife then shouted out "Problem! He's the problem. He's brought it all on himself" He simply did not want to take medication.
    The stepmother was totally unperturbed by Dad's physical removal from his home. Obviously he was "away" over the Christmas period. During the subsequent meeting when the 28 day "section" had elapsed Dad's social worker practically begged his wife to have him home, stating that carers could be there 24 hours a day if needed. She replied that no he couldn't come home as she wouldn't cope.
    The whole time she engineered the situation, little by little telling lies about how she was on her own and trying to put us off from visiting. The saddest thing is that the whole episode was about what she wanted and not what was best for our Dad. We had little or no say as we were "only the daughters".
    Our Dad died on Good Friday last year, in a care home, and I am ashamed so say I am glad he is dead. No-one deserves to be treated like this, what he wanted was never considered. He was sectioned because he became agitated whilst trying to refuse his medication, a "small decision" which the memory nurses said he had the capacity to make! Although they said he did not have the capacity to make an Advanced Care Plan!
    Anyway, in his will Dad left us half of the house on the understanding that his wife could continue to live there throughout her life. We have discovered that the stepmother died in January this year and that her assets are left to her brothers and nieces. I have contacted a solicitor who advised that we do indeed own half of the property, there is no charge against it in regards to the cost of Dad's care. He is still named as joint tenant in common ( with his wife) at the Land Registry. I have contacted the executor of the stepmothers will to remind her of our beneficial interest in the property and to request we be kept informed of their intentions. There is no mention in the stepmothers will of her "half" of the house just references to her estate, property and assets. to date (2 weeks on from signing for letter we have not received a reply)
    Does anyone know if we need to take further legal action? We are determined that these " strangers" to our Dad do not receive more than they should from his and our Mum's hard earned bits.
    I seem to have gone on a bit. Thanks for plodding on and hope you can help
    Sheila x
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    Who holds the title deeds? I would expect you give them notice that the house must be sold for you to receive your half. The solicitor or the person holding the deeds should be aware of this.
  3. Pacucho

    Pacucho Registered User

    Dec 20, 2009
    Wembley, Middlesex
    I have just read your thread.

    In your circumstances, if you have not already done so, I would recommend you seek advice from a solicitor.

    Also, it may be worth contacting the Land Registry to see whether they can help in some way. I understand these days that it does not matter who holds the title deeds as these details are hold electronically by the Land Registry.

    Hope this helps,

  4. thefixer

    thefixer Registered User

    Oct 8, 2015
    Thanks for reply. I have discovered today that my Dad's house is now up for sale. I have been in touch with the Estate Agent who is selling the property to advise him of my "beneficial interest" in the house, he replied that unfortunately, legally, he is unable to give me any information. I said I was well aware of this but just wanted to inform him of our interest in the property. He too advised that we speak to a solicitor. I will ring him tomorrow.
    Thanks again for your input
    Regards Sheila
  5. 100 miles

    100 miles Registered User

    Apr 16, 2015
    I think a solicitor can add some sort of notification to the title to say you have an interest in the property. A friend needed to so this in similar circumstances.

    Although any buyer will see the property is held in joint names. You really do need advice on this matter.

    I hope it gets sorted.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.