My question is not dissimilar to Maryjoan's (big hug to you Maryjoan, not much else I can offer) My OH was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 6 years ago and is getting iller quite slowly. We both had senior jobs in big companies and were used to being self sufficient and in charge at work. At home, I am now realising, I was more compliant because he liked to have his own way a lot and I couldn't be bothered to argue about things that weren't important. Now he is becoming very determined to do things EXACTLY as he wants, so if I suggest anything at all that he doesn't want to do he gets all stony faced and won't ever do anything I suggest (eg. taking pain killers for his sore knee, drinking more water in hot weather, getting someone in to cut the grass because he can no longer manage it but doesn't want to admit that he finds it hard, NOT DRIVING etc etc) I know some of the books say 'Never argue' but i don't directly confront him, just try gently to suggest things. But can anyone tell me what they do when confronted with a really bloody-minded person who wants his own way in everything (he even likes to go round the house at night locking up when I've just done it and have told him I've done so, because he's always done it like that and seems not to trust me, though no reason why not). I am a patient person (a Mum with vascular dementia for several years and having brought up a pair of wonderful twins have made me able to exercise a lot of patience) but these days I find I'm getting snappy with him (tho I know I shouldn't) because I wait and wait and wait for him to do the things he's decided to do (which I could do better in a quarter of the time) and won't ever accept any help or advice . I need even more patience, and i wonder how other people manage. I feel as if I exist as a sort of ghost, just here to do what he wants, with no personality of my own any more. I realise that sounds selfish, but when people say that they mourn the disappearance of their loved one, I'm mourning my own disappearance too. I now know that I should have been more assertive for the past 46 years with him, but it never mattered all that much to me because I knew who I was and how I wanted my life to be, but now I'm disappearing and I wonder how other people cope ?