1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

I'm trying but I'm falling

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Donkeyshere, Jul 22, 2019.

  1. Donkeyshere

    Donkeyshere Registered User

    May 25, 2016
    116
    channel islands
    what to do you do when you ask for help and it isnt there? for those that have followed my posts know that I had asked for respite care but in the end we did not take it. I was given some help this weekend to reinstate our respite care for this year but it seems that the doctor wants us to go back and prove that the MIL has capacity to say if she wants respite care or not. My OH and I have had a massive row about it - he is in denial and its all falling apart at the seams. The MIL agreed to respite in January then a month later she forgot and chucked her toys out the pram and guilt decided to have a go at us so we went against the care taking separate hols. I asked him the OH to come with we to the docs again to get respite care, I'm on my knees physically speaking and he has refused saying whats the point in a year she wont know we can go on hols then.... SS wont do anything without the doc, the doc wont dont anything without the MIL and the OH is in denial. I'm done in.
     
  2. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,902
    Female
    South coast
    Caring is much harder than we imagined it would be and it sort of creeps up on you so that eventually you find you are doing much more than you intended.
    This is the trouble with dementia - it will take everything that you give it and still want more. All the while you are plugging the gaps SS will not be interested.
    What would happen if you became ill or ended up in hospital? I think that you should work out your limits - what you can do and dont be drawn back into doing too much again.
     
  3. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    171
    Set yourself a limit on what you are prepared to do.As it is his mother maybe he should be getting more involved.You need to take care of you as no one else will.It is not easy to do when you have a partner I know
     
  4. Donkeyshere

    Donkeyshere Registered User

    May 25, 2016
    116
    channel islands
    Hi Canary You are my voice of reason but at the moment and I hate dementia - its not fair on anyone, ironically the SS said dont let it reach crisis point! I;ve reached my limit and have nowhere else to go but I am i the middle of all of it.
     
  5. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,755
    Female
    Scotland
    I certainly know how you feel. It seems so unreasonable for the PWD to be calling all the shots when you are the one doing the actual work. Sliding into arguments with your husband over it is is all too easy as you are both under stress. If he needs to stay with his mother then you may have to live with that and make sure you get a holiday by yourself. Not great but hopefully a temporary solution.
     
  6. Donkeyshere

    Donkeyshere Registered User

    May 25, 2016
    116
    channel islands
    Hi Marion you are completely right, its not ideal but at least I get a break away and will see my sister who I have not managed to do for 2 years. Feeling a little more positive today was a little "stressed" yesterday to say the least - thank goodness for the forums!
     

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