I'm terribly scared

[Jenf]

I have been having issues for some years now. I am a type 1 diabetic who was diagnosed at the age of six. I manage my diabetes quite well and have not been admitted into hospital for many years now. I developed insulin resistance which means i need to take three extra tablets twice a day. No biggy. I have joint pain in my wrists, hips and feet but a paracetamol usually sorts it out. Again, no biggie.
When i changed high schools to complete my last two years of education, i was emotionally unstable and diagnosed with depression. I was given anti-depressants as an easy way out for my doctor, maybe, i believe so anyway. I had some cognitive behavioural therapy and that seemed to help. I managed to go and survive university and achieve a 2.1 BA with hons and made one or two new friends. Looking back, i was a bit reclusive, but maybe thats because my 11 housemates enjoyed long nights of hard partying with drugs. A few cocktails in a bar was more my style, or a cheesy kareoke night.
Now i am in a stable relationship and working in customer services abroad, i feel quite independant and strong. However, over the last few years, i feel i have lost the plot a bit.

I now forget simple words on a regular basis and when on the telephone to a client, i often freeze and cannot form a coherent sentence. My job is simple - just giving information for clients on how to use our website, so that is not the issue.
I also get distracted during a task and often forget half way through what i am doing.
When cleaning my kitchen for example, i stop half way and do something else. For example, i will be putting things into the dishwasher, and then stop before it is finished and start mopping the floor without fresh clean hot water. Its onviously no major concern, but it takes me twice as long as it takes my partner.
I get terribly upset with change, but i guess that is common. I recently moved flats and was distraught for days. Getting angry with friends over silly things. They dont know about this post and the things i have been experiencing.
I ask the same questions repeatedly maybe three or four times a week (ive been keeping notes).
I always make reminders for myself, but i feel that the less that is stored in the front of my mind, the clearer it is to make room for other things.
I have no libido at all, which is a 'side effect' of diabetes, but at my age, i am worried about what i will be like in another 10 or 20 years, or after i have children!
Sometimes i believe that i asked my partner a question, but it turns out i didn't whih frustrates me awfully. But my partner is a man so maybe he has selective hearing haha!
I feel rather silly for asking for advice when there are millions of people in a mich worse stage than i, but at only 24 years old, i at least feel better for writing.

 

[sue38]

Hi Jenf and welcome to TP.

I'm sorry to hear about the symptoms you are experiencing - there could be any number of reasons for the problems you are having, and I have to say that at 24 dementia is the least likely cause. I understand you may not have had the best experience of doctors over the years, but the best thing you can do is go to your doctor and explain the problems you are having. It could be depression, stress, your diabetes, or a number of other things, but only the doctor can rule other causes out.

You say you're abroad, but hopefully this factsheet on Assessment and diagnosis may have relevant advice.

 

[CeliaThePoet]

You might be suffering from low vitamin D levels or another easily remedied condition--see your doctor full a full blood panel, to start.

 

[Saffie]

I doubt it is dementia too. It's more to be likely stress and anxiety which your worrying that it could be dementia is adding to.
So, I would go to see your doctor. A blood test might show low levels of B12, low levels of which can cause cognitive problems, or other factors.
All the things you mention we all do sometimes. It's can be because your brain is running ahead or having many things on your mind so you can't recall if you actually said something or not.

The best thing would be to see a doctor and hopefully, he will be able to reassure you.
Try not to worry. You've overcome a lot in your life and have done so well. x

 

[velveteen]

I'm scared too

I came on the forum today because I feel very much like you. You are very young and I would like to think that it is very unlikely that you have dementia and there is probably a very simple explanation to your memory issues. Go to the doctor so that they can put your mind at rest and you can carry on being a successful young woman.
Well here I am advising you and not listening to my own advice !

My background;

I'm 50 and getting more worried. My Mum has Alzheimer's and is in the lateish stages. she was diagnosed in 2011 but things had been wrong for a while - which we did the classic and put it down to grief after Dad died (But the GP tested her twice and gave her the all clear even though she got quite a few questions in the 'test' wrong)
I'm a very patient person and laid back and up until now have been coping with Mum's illness pretty well. She is in a home but I visit on my days off and do as much as I can to make her life as normal as possible. As Mum has got worse quite quickly recently I am finding it more and more sad.
But the reason I am replying is because I feel that I am having some issues with my memory. I do the usual of forgetting peoples names - even my work collegue whilst I am actually working with him and struggle to find words. I saw Peter Andre on an advert last week and could not for the life of me remember his name!
I think what freeked me out was - a couple of days ago I had a long conversation with my elderly neighbour who was going on holiday for the week I asked her where they were going. I agreed to take them to the coach station and did so the next day. I could not remember where they were going and thought that I must have been really rude and asked but not listened to the answer or changed the subject before she had told me . I just could not remember getting the info. When they returned she brought me a box of biscuits from Exmouth with a postcard on the box. I then remembered the conversation and we had talked at length about Exmouth as I have relatives there.

In my heart I know I am probably worrying about nothing and there is probably a simple explanation - Maybe I should listen to my own advice! I haven't spoken to anybody about this, my Husband knows there is something wrong but I have really just said I am sad about Mum - which is true. He works abroad a lot and so I don't want him to have to worry about me.
I suppose in a way I don't really need any replies it has just felt good getting it off my chest!

 

[Bernadette2]

Hello Velveteen,
I am 41 and I care for my mum too. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with at the moment so much so that your increased forgetfulness and lack of focus is perhaps to be expected. That said, I totally understand your fear...
Both of my grandmas had alzheimers, an aunt and uncle and now Mum who started showing signs at 65. I also lead a busy life with three children 7 and under and I constantly find myself paused in a room forgetting what I was doing, jumping between half finished tasks and forgetting every film, book, famous person under the sun. But, I think I have always been like this to an extent. I don't think that I am good or committed to retaining that sort of information. Read a really nice quote in "And Still the Music Plays - stories of people with Dementia" by Graham Stokes. It really cheered me up and hopefully will do the same for you too...

"...the natural state of affairs is not to remember. We only remember what is personally relevant or significant...everything else is responded to and then all but immediately discarded. Not forgotten, but never remembered. Not being able to recall an experience or piece of information later is only evidence of forgetfulness if there has been an initial attempt to remember it"

Maybe life has been so hectic for you that you have not had a chance to attempt to remember everything?

I was interested to hear that you feel your Mum's alzheimers started when your Dad died. I believe that my mum's also started immediately after her beloved brother died. I know that there is not supposed to be such a link but if someone was predisposed to getting this illness perhaps the horror of losing a loved one is enough to trigger off the whole thing?

 

[velveteen]

thanks Ghinny

Hello Velveteen,
I am 41 and I care for my mum too. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with at the moment so much so that your increased forgetfulness and lack of focus is perhaps to be expected. That said, I totally understand your fear...
Both of my grandmas had alzheimers, an aunt and uncle and now Mum who started showing signs at 65. I also lead a busy life with three children 7 and under and I constantly find myself paused in a room forgetting what I was doing, jumping between half finished tasks and forgetting every film, book, famous person under the sun. But, I think I have always been like this to an extent. I don't think that I am good or committed to retaining that sort of information. Read a really nice quote in "And Still the Music Plays - stories of people with Dementia" by Graham Stokes. It really cheered me up and hopefully will do the same for you too...

"...the natural state of affairs is not to remember. We only remember what is personally relevant or significant...everything else is responded to and then all but immediately discarded. Not forgotten, but never remembered. Not being able to recall an experience or piece of information later is only evidence of forgetfulness if there has been an initial attempt to remember it"

Maybe life has been so hectic for you that you have not had a chance to attempt to remember everything?

I was interested to hear that you feel your Mum's alzheimers started when your Dad died. I believe that my mum's also started immediately after her beloved brother died. I know that there is not supposed to be such a link but if someone was predisposed to getting this illness perhaps the horror of losing a loved one is enough to trigger off the whole thing?

Thank you Ghinny I like the quote and it has helped.

I have just read another post about something else and it mentioned anticipatory grief. I had never heard of this but it has been like a penny dropping. I have been so sad for the last month or so - on the verge of tears most of the time - it sort of makes sense now, and doh! why didn't I realise! So the worrying may have something to do with that.
Another very sad visit to Mum this afternoon, she was so depressed herself, sobbing and saying ' I cant do this anymore' I hate this disease so much.
As for Mums Alzheimer's' coming on when Dad died, I wonder whether she had shown signs before but Dad helped her and so it wasn't so visible. I say this because Dad wrote us a letter when he was dying ( Cancer) and he wrote 'Mum will need looking after'. We just put this down to Mums character as she has always had some mental instabilities, but maybe he had his suspicions.
I don't like writing posts like this as I am normally the positive one but thank you so much for replying it has really helped and when Hubby gets home again I am going to take my own advice and talk to him about this - He should be big enough and ugly enough to cope !!!!

 

[Bernadette2]

Thank you Ghinny I like the quote and it has helped.

I have just read another post about something else and it mentioned anticipatory grief. I had never heard of this but it has been like a penny dropping. I have been so sad for the last month or so - on the verge of tears most of the time - it sort of makes sense now, and doh! why didn't I realise! So the worrying may have something to do with that.
Another very sad visit to Mum this afternoon, she was so depressed herself, sobbing and saying ' I cant do this anymore' I hate this disease so much.
As for Mums Alzheimer's' coming on when Dad died, I wonder whether she had shown signs before but Dad helped her and so it wasn't so visible. I say this because Dad wrote us a letter when he was dying ( Cancer) and he wrote 'Mum will need looking after'. We just put this down to Mums character as she has always had some mental instabilities, but maybe he had his suspicions.
I don't like writing posts like this as I am normally the positive one but thank you so much for replying it has really helped and when Hubby gets home again I am going to take my own advice and talk to him about this - He should be big enough and ugly enough to cope !!!!

Dear Velveteen
So glad that you are feeling a bit better - you sound stronger and I think that talking to your husband is a great idea and will give you comfort.
Anticipatory grief is interesting - I've not heard of that. I know that when I first moved to be closer to mum two years ago I spent the first few months always on the verge of crying or crying in the most inappropriate places with the most inappropriate people. I just put it down to all the changes I was dealing with, and harrowing appointments with Mum...