I'm such a BAD woman!

[AbbyGee]

This is nothing more than a rant, a venting session, an unloading of a small thing that has disproportionally got me down.
Last night (well, it was probably Friday night actually but I've lost track of time) I got a bit snippy. Exhausted beyond belief I just howled "Oh for heaven's sake, just lay on your side, not your back. PLEASE. I don't want to hear you snoring all night. I need SLEEP."
Cue major duvet over the head sulk from him.
This morning (or was it yesterday morning now?) ... I get the still sulky, quivery lipped, reproachful eyed. "You were SO nasty to me".
I flipped. "You remember ONE bad thing" I said. " I'm not a saint. What about all the other hours of nice things? Why do you want to remember that but can't even remember where you put your shoes? Why are you trying to punish me for being human?"
It popped out before I could stop it.
I made coffee, made some more coffee, smiled and faffed and fiddled about and peeled some veg and then - magically - received an unexpected apology for 'something' that he couldn't remember. That made me feel even worse.
I'm tired. My brain's fried. My eyes are stiff.
I'm here at 3am enjoying (?) some wine because I can have a bit of me-time but that simply makes the waking / sleeping even more mixed up. And 3am wine isn't good when there's no-one to share it with.
Sorry, guys and gals. Rant over. Thanks. Ta-ra-ra-BOOM!
<Exit stage left>

 

[PalSal]

Expectations are tough on us all.
On ourselves and on the person with Alz/Dem.
I carried on expecting behavior from Nick long after my rational self knew he could not do simple tasks or find his shoes. And the expectation that I could do it all, I need lots of help to keep him at home with me for as long as I did. Now he is in care....and that to has its challenges. There are few easy solutions to caring for the demented. We just try to do the best we can.
Good luck.....I found I had to limit my beloved coffee to avoid middle of the night sleeplessness.

 

[Olliebeak]

@AbbyGee - we’ve all been there. Only a total saint could keep their temper and I am very guilty of losing my rag when I know it’s not his fault. Letting off steam with a silent scream or shouting from the bathroom with water running or a rude gesture from behind the door makes me feel better! I was taught at a carer group that unfortunately the PWD remembers “bad emotions” even when they don’t remember why or what happened. But it’s not all about him. You have a life too. Hard in these current times but you would benefit from some time out if there is anyway to arrange it and in the mean time treat yourself to whatever makes you feel better

 

[jennifer1967]

ive done it as well. stupid things that dont matter on their own but collectively are a major hurdle. leaving a wrapper on the top instead of putting it in the bin, the amount of mess he makes when cooking and my biggest bugbear, not washing the tops down when he does the washing up which he is not doing properly anymore. they are only small things but he cant link things together. ive told him off and he doesnt understand why im telling him off. he has that little boy lost look in his eyes. when im in pain and tired, it feels like he does it deliberately just to wind me up and then i look at him and know different and on we go again on a never ending tread mill

 

[Olliebeak]

It’s the Chinese water torture @jennifer1967 . It sounds trivial to complain he always emptied the waste bin and muddled up the recycling and non - but it’s all the other “little” things that add up - drip drip drip

 

[jennifer1967]

ahh! hes gone out for an hour, was supposed to be me time but council have come to put in handrail up the stairs so i will just have to be content with no husband time and carer time off instead.

 

[big l]

This is nothing more than a rant, a venting session, an unloading of a small thing that has disproportionally got me down.
Last night (well, it was probably Friday night actually but I've lost track of time) I got a bit snippy. Exhausted beyond belief I just howled "Oh for heaven's sake, just lay on your side, not your back. PLEASE. I don't want to hear you snoring all night. I need SLEEP."
Cue major duvet over the head sulk from him.
This morning (or was it yesterday morning now?) ... I get the still sulky, quivery lipped, reproachful eyed. "You were SO nasty to me".
I flipped. "You remember ONE bad thing" I said. " I'm not a saint. What about all the other hours of nice things? Why do you want to remember that but can't even remember where you put your shoes? Why are you trying to punish me for being human?"
It popped out before I could stop it.
I made coffee, made some more coffee, smiled and faffed and fiddled about and peeled some veg and then - magically - received an unexpected apology for 'something' that he couldn't remember. That made me feel even worse.
I'm tired. My brain's fried. My eyes are stiff.
I'm here at 3am enjoying (?) some wine because I can have a bit of me-time but that simply makes the waking / sleeping even more mixed up. And 3am wine isn't good when there's no-one to share it with.
Sorry, guys and gals. Rant over. Thanks. Ta-ra-ra-BOOM!
<Exit stage left>

<shooting from the hip> AbbyGee - xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Oh boy! Thank god!!!! - another ordinary human being. <enthusiastically> Thank you for sharing this - I love you to bits Whoop! Whoop! <exit stage right>

 

[Canadian Joanne]

@AbbyGee This is one of the purposes of DTP - a place where you can safely rant and rave to your heart's content and be understood.

 

[DreamsAreReal]

@AbbyGee There must have been something in the air last night, I felt the exact same way. Hope you’re feeling a bit better today xx ?

 

[AbbyGee]

Thanks, each and all. Today's been much better and my adult child has been quite happy with himself.
I suggested he had an early night last night, coaxed him upstairs, tucked him in and returned downstairs. I stayed up to the small hours silently cussing, cursing, laughing, shedding a tear or two, and sharing a couple of bottles of wine with myself. Happy days!