1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. paris07

    paris07 Registered User

    Jul 11, 2007
    74
    australia
    Hi All,
    I just wanted to update everyone on my situation, We had our granddaughters birthday party at our place on Saturday, and Mum decided to go for a walk in the morning { without telling us} we found her down a quiet dirt road heading toward the creek, so I lost it ,as usual, and yelled at her and told her she was going into the aged care home as soon as I could get her in there. She just looked at me , with no emotion.
    Recently the care home rang and offered us a share room for Mum ,we refused, thinking she would be happier in her own room. Now I am thinking ,I was wrong.
    She is still swearing and cursing all the time as she walks around,and seems to be very unhappy with the world, but when you ask her she says she is happy . I'm so confused myself about what do do.
    I am still getting over my surgery and can drive now short distances and walk [with the help of a wheelie walker] I have carers coming in 1 and half days a week to help with Mum and I am now going to tell them to take Mum for a walk and wear her out on those days
    I send my best wishes to all the carers and family and hope we can all keep, stress free.
    Regards
    Paris 07
     
  2. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Dear Paris, so sorry to hear things are not getting any easier.

    Can well understand your confusion, can only but try to imagine what is going on in Mum's head. Such a dreadful disease.

    Sounds like a good idea.You can but try.
    Take care now,
     
  3. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Paris,
    I wish you a speedy recovery.
    Very best wishes
    Christine
     
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I know how you feel .

    I find with my mother she not happen any where . she just tell me do what you want with me , because she does not even no what she wants .

    I get that look "She just looked at me , with no emotion"

    Yes Can only
    imagine that mum just does not no what she doing till, I bring awareness back in her with me shouting at her , before she put herself in danger .

    Wishing you all the best
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,729
    Kent
    Dear Paris.

    It`s so geood to hear from you.

    I don`t know how you are managing, still recovering from surgery and only getting very little help with your mother.

    If you are still unable to walk without aid, you should not be chasing her down creeks and such when she wanders.

    When your mother went into respite when you had your surgery, how did it go? Is there any chance she could go again. She is probably slowing down your recovery.

    Take care xx
     
  6. paris07

    paris07 Registered User

    Jul 11, 2007
    74
    australia
    Thank you all for your support.
    When Mum was in respite she had one friend who she would sit with all day, and thankfully the lady was happy with Mum also.I would feel very guilty if I put her back in respite.
    She seemed to settle when I rang twice a week and kept telling her she was only in there for a while.
    This time she went wandering my hubby and kids were at home to chase her next time .who knows...
    I have come to believe that dementia leaves our loved ones feeling very insecure and they crave companionship at all times, and they do the naughty thing such as shadowing, verbally abusing and wandering just to get our attention, and it works.
    Regards Paris07
     
  7. citybythesea

    citybythesea Registered User

    Mar 23, 2008
    632
    coast of texas
    hugs for you

    Paris07, I know how you feel. I take care of my mother at my house. She has been in my home for at least 3 of the 5 years that she has been watched for AD.

    Mom lost dad in 1991 and he did all for her then it was up to my brother and me and I have found when things get tough in the family he runs...so he has really been no help. Sorry off the subject for a moment, my suggestion if you choose to keep taking care of your mother is to "baby proof your yard or home.

    I'm not trying to chastise what you have to understand is that they are headed backwards. There will be times you yell...then apologize ..then beat yourself up in private because you feel bad...let go of those moments. Even angels would get frustrated. I live on water and the main of my house is on a second floor with a beautiful view of the water. Mom would sit for hours watching the birds...as time went on we found she would wander occasionally at nite. LIving in a subdivision I knew that if someone saw her she would be returned. I did not want her accidently falling down my stairs at nite. My solution was a gate at the stairs with a latch. At nite we would latch it and I knew he could not unlatch it so I had no more worries.

    I guess what I am trying to say is now is the time that we really have to look inside ourselves and let go of my mother attitude and take on my child attitude.

    Mom is in late stage 7 now and I have days where I wish she were a few stages back.Just remember that which ever way you choose will be hard...it's not easy being a caregiver at home or with them being in a nursing home.
     

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