I'm sorry..I am in a bad place

Fhvn

Registered User
May 21, 2014
77
Northumberland
I 'm sorry, this may not be coherent. I am at my wits end. My lovely husband is having a major episode that started this afternoon. We had been out for about an hour and on coming back he had no knowledge of the house. We have lived here for 12 years. He had to look through each room, as it was all new to him. Now I have been accused of moving without telling him, this house isn't his house, I have thrown out all of his stuff from his house. I must ring the people I gave it to and get it all back. He's talking about a house he lived in 30 years ago. He's been shouting at me for hours, demanding that I get his stuff back. I have told him I emailed, he doesn't know what that means. I left a message on his son's answering machine, I know he's not home, trying to sooth the situation by saying I left a message. With these other people. He's determined to do something himself, I'm dreading him asking who I left the message with because he wants to speak to them...
I'm at my wits end.. We have no family nearby, live in a rural area, I have tried distraction with no luck. I want to scream, but I am just in tears.
Sorry to rant on....I will survive.


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pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
Kent
I am so sorry you have this to deal with l think it is a very common thing with Alzheimers, don't know what you can do if you feel threatend call the police that is what l have been told. Is there any family or friends that you could call l hope your husband will be ok, take care♥♥♥

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Wolfsgirl

Registered User
Oct 18, 2012
1,028
Nr Heathrow, Mum has AD & VD
I suggest saying anything at all to placate and soothe him him, you are just staying for the night ( he might be sun downing) you are staying here to help a friend, try not to add too much detail just reassurance. Calm him, offer a tempting drink - cuppa or something.....so sorry you are experiencing this hope others will come and offer more expert advice.
I 'm sorry, this may not be coherent. I am at my wits end. My lovely husband is having a major episode that started this afternoon. We had been out for about an hour and on coming back he had no knowledge of the house. We have lived here for 12 years. He had to look through each room, as it was all new to him. Now I have been accused of moving without telling him, this house isn't his house, I have thrown out all of his stuff from his house. I must ring the people I gave it to and get it all back. He's talking about a house he lived in 30 years ago. He's been shouting at me for hours, demanding that I get his stuff back. I have told him I emailed, he doesn't know what that means. I left a message on his son's answering machine, I know he's not home, trying to sooth the situation by saying I left a message. With these other people. He's determined to do something himself, I'm dreading him asking who I left the message with because he wants to speak to them...
I'm at my wits end.. We have no family nearby, live in a rural area, I have tried distraction with no luck. I want to scream, but I am just in tears.
Sorry to rant on....I will survive.


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Moonflower

Registered User
Mar 28, 2012
775
I am so sorry, I don't know the answer, but didn't want to read and run
Is there anyone at all who could come round and support you?
Do you have a CPN?

Make sure you are safe, lock yourself in a room and call the police if needed
 

Tinkerbelle258

Registered User
Nov 13, 2012
60
N E Lincolnshire
Has he had these episodes before? If not he could have had a TIA, in which case I would certainly phone for an ambulance. At the very least they could perhaps calm him down and reassure you.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
60,504
Dundee
I'm so sorry to read this. You must be frantic. I have only had one episode where my husband was badly sundowning. I eventually made sure all of the doors were locked so he couldn't get out. I went to bed and lay and listened to him downstairs. Eventually he calmed down and I was able to persuade him to lie on top of the bed fully dressed. Eventually I got him into bed and undressed.

If you are worried about your safety I would consider phoning the police to see if they will help. If he looks like a danger to himself you could try the ambulance service.

When this is all over I think you need to seek advice of the GP/CPN.

I do hope things calm down for you. x
 

ASH74

Registered User
May 18, 2014
294
Does your local MH team have a crisis number?

Make sure you have a safe space to get to, and a phone that has a signal if not landline.




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Fhvn

Registered User
May 21, 2014
77
Northumberland
Thanks for your replies, it is nice to know there are folks out there who understand. We have no CPN, our CM hadn't heard of sundowning until I told him about it, it's 35 miles to the nearest hospital. I have asked the GP for sedatives for this agitation and anxiety, but have been told they're not a good idea. He's not violent, just angry at me and wanting to take things into his own hands. We have had episodes like this before, with similar focus. Naturally, it's Friday night, with no care around to call until Monday. Usually when this happens if I can get him to sleep he is relatively ok the next day, but he's so wound up he won't sleep. Anything I try to say he doesn't like, my not speaking is sulking and a problem too. Can't win right now.


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jawuk

Registered User
Jan 29, 2014
260
Lutterworth, Leicestershire
How awful for you and for your poor husband, it's no wonder he's upset given what he believes has happened at the moment.
I wonder if you could absent yourself from him for a few minutes to give him a bit of forgetting time, and then when you go back to his side and he starts again, agree that it's not his house, say you are staying at a friends for a night and that he'll be back in his own home tomorrow. If he wakes in the same mode, take him for a brief walk or drive and end up back at your 'own' home. Might that work?
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
You poor thing, you must be beside yourself with worry. I'd agree with others who have suggested calling the police if you feel threatened. If, when they arrive, you feel he should be in hospital, the police will stay with you until the ambulance arrives. Take care.
 

onlyme247

Registered User
May 21, 2014
51
N.W.England
Is there anyone he trusts old friend or relative who you could quickly speak to in the hope they would say they are on to the problem and will sort it and to just let you have a rest where you are tonight.l sometimes have to enlist a close friend of my husband.Sometimes If he thinks we are in the wrong place in the night I try saying I just need a little sleep then I will get the car out.Sorry if this is of no help I really hope he has now settled.
 

garnuft

Registered User
Sep 7, 2012
6,585
You can also ring the ambulance service.
I rang them for my mother and they used to say 'don't be afraid to ring, we are here to help and it doesn't mean that your Mam will be taken into hospital'.

If things get too stressful, it's perfectly acceptable to ring for assistance with mental health issues, just as you would for a broken leg.

Even their presence might break the chain of behaviour and allow you to carry on, they will advise you what you could/should do, calling an ambulance doesn't mean hospital admittance.

When you get a chance, bring up the issue of your husband's agitation and anxiety with his Drs' and ask for some 'as required' sedatives to help.

I know with my mother, her agitation was more distressing for her than it was for me, it was needless distress IMO, I would rather have some peace. I can't imagine how scary it must be when it's your husband...my mother was formidable enough.

Best wishes and I hope your husband settles down and you are able to grab some sleep.
 

Fhvn

Registered User
May 21, 2014
77
Northumberland
Thanks so much everyone...it is really appreciated.
He calmed down enough to stop fighting sleep, but I could tell it was the kind of sleep that wasn't really deep. Not up yet, but we'll see what the day brings. I have made an appointment with the GP for Tuesday.
There are those times of agitation where I am not bothered at all and try to calm, but this wasn't one of those, probably because it was directed t me. I was and am so upset and worried, I did not sleep at all. When he gets obsessed like that it is surprising how much he remembers, though it was blown out of all rational sense. Oddly, his speech which usually deteriorates by evening into gibberish was absolutely normal last night.
Problem is, it was my fault. Had I not said we live here and just gone along with it being a holiday place it wouldn't have blown up. For some reason I thought I was being reassuring telling him this was his home and once said I couldn't change the story, as he remembered. Someday I might just get this right.

By the way, hijacking my own thread, husband often talks of "the others" asking where they are. When I said they're not here right now, he then wants to wait for them. Any suggestions.
 
Last edited:

starryuk

Registered User
Nov 8, 2012
1,305
Problem is, it was my fault. Had I not said we live here and just gone along with it being a holiday place it wouldn't have blown up. For some reason I thought I was being reassuring telling him this was his home and once said I couldn't change the story, as he remembered. Someday I might just get this right.
It is so difficult to judge isn't it. Who knows. Your husband might have reacted badly to a 'holiday home' too yesterday. Glad to hear he finally settled last night and hope things are calmer today for you both.
 

Silver Lining

Registered User
Nov 20, 2013
224
I really feel for you

Thanks so much everyone...it is really appreciated.
He calmed down enough to stop fighting sleep, but I could tell it was the kind of sleep that wasn't really deep. Not up yet, but we'll see what the day brings. I have made an appointment with the GP for Tuesday.
There are those times of agitation where I am not bothered at all and try to calm, but this wasn't one of those, probably because it was directed t me. I was and am so upset and worried, I did not sleep at all. When he gets obsessed like that it is surprising how much he remembers, though it was blown out of all rational sense. Oddly, his speech which usually deteriorates by evening into gibberish was absolutely normal last night.
Problem is, it was my fault. Had I not said we live here and just gone along with it being a holiday place it wouldn't have blown up. For some reason I thought I was being reassuring telling him this was his home and once said I couldn't change the story, as he remembered. Someday I might just get this right.

By the way, hijacking my own thread, husband often talks of "the others" asking where they are. When I said they're not here right now, he then wants to wait for them. Any suggestions.
I really feel for you it is disturbing for an "already stretched you".. There are so many good replies for you to consider from the other members. Thinking of you - Silver Lining
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,962
Brixham Devon
Hi-I really wish that I had logged in last night

This has happened to me before my Husband went into a care home. He couldn't recognise the home he had lived in for over 30 years. He was telling me about all the other people in the house-answering the TV as though people were talking to him. Eventually I had to dial 999 and an ambulance arrived. They called the MHT and he was given some diazapam to calm him down.He didn't go to hospital.

Unfortunately when Pete was angry/agitated as your Husband was last night it can turn to violence. It's not their fault and it's nothing personal but, as you know, it's frightening for all concerned.

You must make sure you have a safe room to retreat to and a charged mobile phone.
Please do not hesitate to phone the emergency services if you are in danger-they won't hurt your Husband but they will take charge of the situation

I hope that you have a quieter day today.

Take care

Lyn T
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
Kent
Hello Fhvn l hope today has been better for you, my husband told me today he is selling the house as he no longer wants to live here, hopefully tomorrow he will have forgotten about it, this is a new one everyday is different, ♥♥

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