I waited all week for a night off and couldn't wait to get out of here. One hour into my respite I started shivering, fever, toilet trips etc. I have a nasty bug never felt so sick. I texted my brother and told him I was ill and couldn't travel home until the next day. He as usual never responds but I know he gets my messages. I came home tonight and feeling like I just wanted to collapse into bed mum was there with her ugly angry look "where have you been and if you were really sick why didn't you come home" I felt like screaming at her but took a deep breath and calmly said I'm going to bed I'm very ill. Her response was "well I want tea and my bed has to made, your Poor?? Brother has had to stay here and you're been paid to look after me". I really don't know how long more I can do this. I seem to be getting some flu or virus or bug more frequently than ever since I became her carer? I know we should look after our health but I think I've lost my motivation for anything I don't know who I am anymore. Of course Xmas doesn't help I've come to hate it as every Xmas I'm. Told to leave as my narssisist sister is coming OK I get a break but I hate been told to leave my home because of her and usually I'd have a trip organised but have no money this year to go anywhere. I'll have to go to my friends and sleep on the couch? My mum never shows any sympathy for me when I'm sick just her own selfish who's going to care for me? Don't get me wrong my mum was never a selfish person but since her illness the whole world revolves around her. I get the shakes with anger when she says your poor brother?? ??? He does nothing except call to house at midnight and escapes very early in the morning that's caring? I'll get up tom and do what I can then back to bed. I'm so fed up with this. Left messages with social worker and she has not replied so I'm. Going to go higher. I'm so tired of constantly having to scream for help here and I get ignored.
I'm so tired..
- Thread starter Onmyown
- Start date
Oh my, you sound so exhausted and worn out, which is probably why you keep going down with bugs. I'm sure others will be along who have more experience than me and know better what to suggest, have you tried the Princes Trust for Carers? My neighbour used them for an emergency care plan in case she was ill. Or talk to the Helpline here maybe, or the Samaritans for someone to talk to at any time, they are for anyone in distress of any kind. Can you get a GP appt so you can get on record how much stress you are under and how it's affecting you? Maybe he/she would be able to communicate this to the SS??
Christmas can be such a cauldron of emotions.I hope you get some help quickly. Xx
Christmas can be such a cauldron of emotions.I hope you get some help quickly. Xx
Thanks guys didn't sleep last night as I was so angry with this... I'm trying to get some sleep but I've so many phone calls to make. Social services will be reported today if I don't get help. Was promised a care package in August and not heard anything since. I cannot do this alone and spend my little bit of time and energy making calls and screaming at someone. So draining. Mum does not get what she wants anymore but what she needs or I walk out and it's a home. I want carers and a cleaner or I'm done.... I'd push for poa but it maybe too late? Gosh if I had poa I'd be happy no siblings interfering the stress they cause is unbearable.
Sorry I forget to state I'm in Ireland. Can anyone tell me really what are social services about? What's their job in this? I'm being ignored and have had enough so today if I can get out of bed I'm. Going higher than her and reporting her. I've left several messages and no response? She came here in September discussed carer package and still nothing. I feel I'm.the nut job and I'm. Being ignored. I think social services in UK are far more caring and here it's a cushy job as she's never there and does nothing. I only got hold of her and made her call me by threatening her with going higher but think she has had her warning and I'm. Sick. Of the running around it's so stressful.. I couldn't sleep last night as I'm. Writing letters in my head I'm going to be kicking ass this week and could really have done without this nasty bug... I have to write a letter about my mum her behaviour my siblings treatment of me and my mum over last 9yrs and the stress of just doing it is enough on top of cooking, cleaning, etc. I would love a personal assistant to do all the crappy stuff... How do you find time to do a letter? Noone is listening so I'm. going to write everything down and copy it to doctor, social services, safeguarding, geriatrics. Hopefully this will wake some people up to my chronic stress. Oh and thank you God mums hearing aid broken. Again weeks before a new one is sorted. Was I a bad person in another life??
Contacted safeguarding and the guy is dead since August? Hasn't been replaced yet? Someone will get back to me? Called social services and not her job contact public nurse and her gp. As long as my mum has capacity??? They can't force her to apts? She hasn't had capacity for six years? Basically I'm right back to 9yrs ago pushing and pushing for diagnosis? GP is referring her to geriatrics and she dosnt see dementia although my mum's med report has "mild vascular dementia" signed by same GP? Siblings out and out war against me controlling mums account and credit card even though they do not believe that mum has dementia? You see I'm telling the doctors that mum has dementia?? Is it all worth the stress and ill health I'm suffering. Mum is suffering too as her safety and health is being neglected when I'm not here? I will try my last card and get her to this apt then see what gp says about family meeting? Gp wants diagnosis from geriatrics personally I don't think a piece of paper will shake my siblings into caring or supporting me? But at least I have the medical profession on my side and get on with it. If mum Continues to refuse carers coming in and respite I've no choice but to discuss a home. Mum will be put into a home against her will.
I wish you luck in your endeavours. My MiL didn’t want to go to a home and took time to settle once in a home. However, she settled down eventually and did well there.
I am now starting the dementia journey with my own wife and know that the time may come when I will have to face the same challenges, but closer to home. Nothing about this disease is easy.
I am now starting the dementia journey with my own wife and know that the time may come when I will have to face the same challenges, but closer to home. Nothing about this disease is easy.
Gosh so sorry Pete you think to face this terrible disease once is more than enough for anyone but now your poor wife that is tough. Thank God for this site. I've not been getting support from anyone in 9yrs doctors see what they want it's like a "big dirty secret"? Carers need to be listened to more and not just these mini mental tests that prove nothing. I do think it's harder for partners though you lose so much more than losing an aged parent. I just couldn't imagine if a partner got this but know I would do it again because we do it out of love and then it becomes tough love what is best for them and us in the end. All we can do is make memories as many as possible before the disease takes it from us. I get so angry fighting with doctors and others when all this energy should be focused on giving my mum the best quality of life that she has left. Doing things she won't be able to do soon. I'm so upset and cry everyday for her loss of her golden years and of my time with her. Im sorry it's all getting too much as people don't understand we are grieving every day. Have to go now as can't stop crying.
I'm truly sorry you are having such an awful time , nothing very helpful to add to what others have said , I just wanted to send you some heartfelt sympathy and a virtual hug xxx
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