I'm so lonely

[Violet Jane]

You are indeed fortunate to have these two friends but be careful not to ask too much of them otherwise they might pull away. My elderly friend whom I support has a next door neighbour who has been quite helpful over a period of time but after a district nurse tried to take his number and put him down as part of my friend's support network he has noticeably pulled back and not offered to do anything since. He's a nice fellow but, understandably, didn't want to be regarded as having a responsibility towards my friend.

 

[Pots and Pans]

@Violet Jane totally agree. Rarely ask the neighbour, who was brilliant at first but prefers to be friend popping in rather than friend taking over! Personally I am glad for sociable company from her. .. feels almost normal sometimes as a result. The other friend is OH's longest friend. Both were happy to be listed as contacts for carer registration ( if I get hit by a bus!) and with both they have had reciprocal help from us over past years. But yes, I book carers and only ask him for the odd evening, maybe once or twice a month max. We socialize together too and jolly handy to have someone around if we go out. So primarily great for company but he is happy to cover the odd evening ... like they used to get together before if I went out solo. He has now seen OH in one of his aggressive tantrums too and hasn't run a mile, so I feel blessed there. But yes, aware if danger. And of being boring when I see other friends... life revolves around Alzheimer's so it is sometimes tricky to switch off.

 

[Pusskins]

I came here to start a thread on this exact topic. I'm so depressed and lonely. MH has been in care for just on 12 months and I just don't know what to do with myself. Initially I went through depression and loneliness, then I seemed to come right with the help of a good online friend, but now I'm back to depressed and lonely again. I'm in NZ so none of the groups mentioned are available to me. Have spent most of today crying. I miss having a partner to share my life with but love MH so much I know I can't enter a new relationship. I am starting to venture out and have joined one local woman's group, but I know it's not going to fill my needs adequately. This is truly Hell.

 

[Pots and Pans]

I came here to start a thread on this exact topic. I'm so depressed and lonely. MH has been in care for just on 12 months and I just don't know what to do with myself. Initially I went through depression and loneliness, then I seemed to come right with the help of a good online friend, but now I'm back to depressed and lonely again. I'm in NZ so none of the groups mentioned are available to me. Have spent most of today crying. I miss having a partner to share my life with but love MH so much I know I can't enter a new relationship. I am starting to venture out and have joined one local woman's group, but I know it's not going to fill my needs adequately. This is truly Hell.

Feeling for you @Pusskins Even though MH is still at home we don't really share a life together any more. It's more just getting through and as I know a CH is on the horizon then I feel almost certain I will be depressed and lonely - more so than I am now. Alzheimer's takes so much. It's a grief even if OH still physically there and grief has to be worked round/ with. Do you have any opportunity for counselling support? Along with the women's group it could be really helpful. Or advice via doctor or local library for other groups? And presumably you do still care for your husband - visiting regularly. Shows love to take the difficult decision to let him get more care than one person could ever achieve. I regularly try to remind myself that we all come into life alone, I am thankful for the many years we spent together but ultimately everyone has to be able to cope alone again too. Just dreading the adjustment. But I do know single women - mostly widows - who have very full lives despite being on their own so hope I will be able to do the same. As I wish for you. Sending hugs and do hope you see some light ahead soon.

 

[Pusskins]

Feeling for you @Pusskins Even though MH is still at home we don't really share a life together any more. It's more just getting through and as I know a CH is on the horizon then I feel almost certain I will be depressed and lonely - more so than I am now. Alzheimer's takes so much. It's a grief even if OH still physically there and grief has to be worked round/ with. Do you have any opportunity for counselling support? Along with the women's group it could be really helpful. Or advice via doctor or local library for other groups? And presumably you do still care for your husband - visiting regularly. Shows love to take the difficult decision to let him get more care than one person could ever achieve. I regularly try to remind myself that we all come into life alone, I am thankful for the many years we spent together but ultimately everyone has to be able to cope alone again too. Just dreading the adjustment. But I do know single women - mostly widows - who have very full lives despite being on their own so hope I will be able to do the same. As I wish for you. Sending hugs and do hope you see some light ahead soon.

Thank you @Pots and Pans . Perhaps it's all down to time ... time to adjust, but some days I don't think I will ever adjust to this new way of life. I look back and realise I just drifted from day to day, thinking life was always going to be the same. I was always certain I would pass before MH. That may still well be the case as I'm the one with a truckload of chronic health conditions. MH, on the other hand has always enjoyed rude good health, so I never saw dementia on the horizon. In some ways I feel angry too, because apart from the fact I no longer have a husband so to speak, neither do I have the freedom to choose how and where I live my life from here on in. If I had the choice, it would not be here where I'm living currently.

 

[jennifer1967]

could you talk to the gp about anti-depressants. i kno
w tablets are not always the answer but may just lift the mood so you can get some sort of counselling or join a group and feel better about yourself and be able to cope with the pain of being separated from your husband