I'm so ashamed.

[AliceA]

Perhaps just a quiet day is what we all need, no outside pressure, appointments, deliveries, timetables.

 

[Francy]

Perhaps just a quiet day is what we all need, no outside pressure, appointments, deliveries, timetables.

AliceA,yes, there is a certain peace comes from it. I've now had two quiet and peaceful days, still can't quite still the nerves in my stomach, but there is a certain calm around my home. I must add though,I do live down a very quiet lane, not many houses. Alice I hope you too have enjoyed a sense of peace and may it last. XXXX Francy

 

[Ginfizz]

Yesterday I totally lost it, I'm so ashamed of myself, I normally manage to cope, but just snapped, I suppose it's been coming for a long time, I'm just so tired. I have not been out of the house for weeks except to keep a hospital appointment, so I'm with JH all day every day, there's no getting away, all my shopping is delivered, we live in a rural village. But since just over a week ago JH decided he can't eat food he needs to chew as it sticks in his teeth, I'm trying my best to please him and give him a healthy diet but he just says no to most things offered, when I ask what would he like, he says he doesn't know as he's not the cook and can only tell me what he doesn't want. Also he won't drink much as he's says it's making him pee too much. So yesterday when I made him a sausage sandwich for breakfast which he usually really likes, you'd think I put something weird and horrible on his plate, well as I say to my shame I just lost it, I don't remember when I last cried so hard or so much, so I've gone from tired to exhausted and he harped on about that sandwich for hours afterwards. I am do not coping with the new turn of events, I was managing OK up until this food thing and it's not as if I can just go to the shops and get something else. Today I hate myself for my outburst.

I can relate to that . Mum had a lot of hospital visitsafter her falls i was also work ing so taking time of work wasn't easy and one day I just exploded and felt so guilty.

 

[Mudgee Joy]

Dear all -
Christmas is over for another year and it’s been good to share with you all. We are away from home- so it’s particularly quiet. I know I shall miss my husband terribly when he isn’t with me - if that’s the way it goes - so I must take what I can now.
He can’t walk far, or do anything that requires energy, so much of the time I am off by myself - but he’s there in my head - there to check on - and to share special moments - no matter that they are one sided. X

 

[Mudgee Joy]

I will try and upload a picture of where I walked this morning - a warm day in the Blue Mountains

 

[Mudgee Joy]

PS there was a rainbow in the waterfall - something I hadn’t seen before ! Love to all x

 

[canary]

That picture is beautiful - you are in a lovely area @Mudgee Joy .
I hope the post Christmas period is peaceful for you
xx

 

[Grahamstown]

Beautiful photo and wishing you a peaceful 2019.

 

[AliceA]

How lovely!

 

[jenniferjean]

I really hope JH doesn't go back on his word to see doctorXXXX Francy

Francy, he really must see the doctor. If he does go back on his word and say he doesn't need to go then do what I did. I made the appointment for myself but as my husband couldn't be left alone he had to come with me. He waited outside the surgery and I explained to the doctor what was happening. She then called my husband into the room and spoke to him and we took if from there.

 

[dancer12]

PS there was a rainbow in the waterfall - something I hadn’t seen before ! Love to all x

Nature has always been so beautiful & peaceful. I can just imagine standing there for hours just watching the waterfall.

 

[Mudgee Joy]

I’m really pleased you like the photo ! Very peaceful - I know from now on I walk these walks mostly alone - but it is lovely and you are there in the background !

 

[Grannie G]

View attachment 60269 I will try and upload a picture of where I walked this morning - a warm day in the Blue Mountains

How beautiful. I can almost feel the warmth.

 

[Francy]

Francy, he really must see the doctor. If he does go back on his word and say he doesn't need to go then do what I did. I made the appointment for myself but as my husband couldn't be left alone he had to come with me. He waited outside the surgery and I explained to the doctor what was happening. She then called my husband into the room and spoke to him and we took if from there.

Hello Jenniferjean, I did this months ago as I hadn't been well. Before we got to the surgery JH told me under no circumstances was he going in to see the doctor. When I was with the doctor he noticed my fast pulse and heart rate and asked me did I know about it, I told him yes it was only when I was stressed. My doctor is a lovely young man and he wangled out of me my problem, but I really didn't want to betray my husband and wanted him to go to doctor when he was ready ,I'm not ready to lose his trust especially after over 40 of marriage, I need him to trust me, so I wait. I will wait only a little longer, till end of holiday,then I must get him there, if he won't go then I will. My outburst really scared me, I have never ever lost the plot like that before, didn't know I was capable of it. I know this journey we all make is a long one and I need to be up to it. I think my doctor new it was coming,he said I was on the edge, he gave me diazapam to help, but I don’t want to be dependent on them as I need them for pain relief also , I have osteoporosis and arthritis in my spine. On a brighter note we've had a lovely quiet Christmas, there has been a sort of peace come over my home and JH has been more his old self and I could feel some of my tension slip away. I thank you for caring. I am lucky to have found Talking Point and somewhere to share my fears and worries with others in the same situation. XXXX Francy

 

[canary]

Francy, there comes a time when you have to change from supporting/enabling his wants and desires to meeting his needs. Many people with dementia will never accept that they have a problem and have to be got to the doctor by stealth, or they would never go at all. It is not betraying your husband if you tell the doctor what is going on so that he can get a diagnosis - it would be a far greater betrayal if you did nothing, had no support and became so ill that you were unable to look after him

 

[jenniferjean]

Francy I'm glad you had a good quiet Christmas. But I can see by today's post that you are still feeling guilty about your outburst the other day. Don't be, as others have said we all do it. You need to forget it now. The one thing about dementia is that the patient will forget it happened. My favourite place in the house is the bathroom, because I can go in and shut the door and have a good cry.

 

[Alison66]

Hi Francy, i have read through this thread with a lot of interest. Long before my mum had Alzheimers,one week exactly after their 50th wedding anniversary my dad had a major stroke which among other disabilities he suffered as a result it caused him to lose his ability to swallow so he had to get a PEG put in place to receive nutricion. The stroke also led to vascular dementia. My mum cared for my dad for 2 and a half years, I helped as much as I could but the major burden was on her. And 6 months before he died he had to go into a care home. My dad could be and was very difficult to deal with, it all just became too much for my mum (by this time she was 73) Dad never ever accepted that he couldn't swallow. He constantly went on & on & on about making something to eat for him. Eventually she or I would have to make him something and he'd chew whatever it was then spit it out into his nevereneding supply of paper cups. If we challenged him on this "eating" he would just say that's how he ate now.

Sorry Franny this has become a ramble but just to return to your original point, please don't be ashamed or beat yourself up for "losing it" you are human and as someone in an earlier reply said, dementia affects us all, not just the person with the disease. Insidious and deceiptful thief that it is. What I think you need Francy is, a diagnosis for your husband, help with his care and respite to give yourself a break.

Most importantly you have to look after yourself, you need it as much as your husband does.

You are in my thoughts.

Alison xxx

 

[Sad Staffs]

Hi Francy
I’m not sure whether you are any nearer to making that GP appointment? I know this is all really hard for you.
I just wanted you to know that I’m thinking about you.
Christmas is over, you and I both got through it, regardless of how difficult it might have been.
Now for New Year.... something else to work our way through.
What might have been said pre Christmas might now feel like a mountain to climb. None of this is easy.... but I’m here if it helps.
Please take care of yourself....
With love, B xx

 

[Francy]

Hi Francy
I’m not sure whether you are any nearer to making that GP appointment? I know this is all really hard for you.
I just wanted you to know that I’m thinking about you.
Christmas is over, you and I both got through it, regardless of how difficult it might have been.
Now for New Year.... something else to work our way through.
What might have been said pre Christmas might now feel like a mountain to climb. None of this is easy.... but I’m here if it helps.
Please take care of yourself....
With love, B xx

 

[Francy]

I am giving it till end of festive season, I am respecting his wishes, but I will wait no longer. My home is still peaceful but I feel a tension in it, mealtimes are horrendous as he's having major eating issues and I feel my anxiety levels rising when I cook or offer food, a lot of which ends is the bin.
On a brighter note, I managed to get out for a short walk on Friday and Saturday, it it was lovely. I live beside the sea and just stood and watched the waves break, the sea was calm and then there was a ripple and a wave would break, sort of reminded me of my life.
New year is an emotional time and one I don't relish, will I make a resolution, maybe, maybe I'll be kinder to myself.
I thank you again for your care and kindness and hope the new year holds hope and peace for you, your life is no easier than mine and you've probably suffered dementia longer.
XXXX Francy