Thank you, we are going to doctor after Christmas holidays, so that should start things moving. Have a very happy and peaceful festive season.
XXXX Francy
I'm so ashamed.
- Thread starter Francy
- Start date
XXXX Francy
Hello Spamar,we are going to doctor after Christmas holidays, I understand why he wants to put it off till then, no-one wants to hear that news before Christmas, and if I push him he really looses it, so we wait. I do worry my not coping could result in this as JH is totally incapable of looking after himself, I hope I'm just having a wobble and will recover my balance soon, it is all so very tiring though. Poor JH is a bit quiet at the moment, think he's afraid I might pop again, little does he know I don't have the energy
Thank you for you kind understanding and may you have a very happy and peaceful festive season.
XXXX Francy
Hello Manc70, thank you for your kind support. I too swing between love and hate sometimes. I tell JH I won't take his abuse either and he will quieten down for a while, it's a vicious circle though. I know he loves and depends on me and I feel I've let him down, my behaviour was in my opinion unforgivable, I seriously frightened myself. I suppose I'm not as strong as I though I was, but I'll get there.
Have a happy and peaceful festive season.
XXXX Francy
Hello Dancer, yes someone has replaced my husband with this poor copy of who he used to be, he is only a shadow of the man I married. I am doing my best, as are others, but is our best ever good enough ? I just want to save him, and know I can't -I believe I'm not alone in this thinking. I thank you for your kind support and may you have a happy and peaceful festive season.Hi Francy:
Good for you for getting all your shopping done and getting it all delivered, quite an accomplishment.
Don't beat yourself up, don't be ashamed and definitely don't Hate yourself. You can just do your best and it seems to me your best you are doing. It is not easy. Dementia turns people into different people and that includes US. I strongly believe that it is harder on the carer than on the person suffering from dementia. They forget but we don't. I say many times that my husband has been cloned, aliens have come from outerspace taken my husband, cloned him, kept the original and sent me the copy. Take care of yourself. If we don't who will.
XXXX Francy
Hello Alice, JH is afraid, he doesn't say so but I know he is and so am I. He has so many fears and is quite irrational, things that we would normally dismiss to JH are monumental and it's heartbreaking as there is no reasoning with him. He has out off going to the doctor for over a year and can no longer, we both need help, if we had family it may have been easier to get him there sooner. JH had the stronger personality and made all the decisions, now we have a roll reversal and this also he resents but has to comply as he is not capable of understanding things any longer, he just can't process information .
I will speak with the doctor about his poor diet and fluid intake as I am very concerned about it and know what can result from it.
He does say he is not deliberately antagonising me and I believe him, as someone else said he is just disconnected.
I thank you so much for your support and hope for you and your loved ones it is a happy and peaceful festive season.
XXXX Francy
Barbara, thank you for your kind understanding . I really get it....... it's being alone, yes we can talk on here but we are still alone. I took for granted JH and I would continue to enjoy our retirement and old age as others do, I just didn't see this coming, it has been sneeking up on me for at least a couple of years, doctor thought it was medication for prostate causing problem and I foolishly accepted it as JH didn't want any fuss, that was over a year ago, now symptoms are escalating at speed and there is no doubt what is wrong . If only we could turn back time, but that wouldn’t work either for we'd still end up where we are today. My strength has taken a wobble, big wobble, but I'm sure I recover and come back stronger. It has helped to have TP people for support.
Once again I thank you Barbara and may you have a very happy and peaceful festive season XXXX Francy
Frenchy please don't beat yourself up. I too live in a rural village, 11 miles to my nearest supermarket and I've had to resort to ordering everything on line. Although it was only a food shop we did, it's surprising how much difference going out just that once every 7-10 days made, so I do understand how hard it is.
Hopefully a diagnosis and meds will help. Bless you.
Hopefully a diagnosis and meds will help. Bless you.
Francy, unfortunately reasoning does not apply. Family may have helped but may have hindered too.
There is such a lot of denial in that area.
I have found that gradually some things are accepted, but progress is slow and go back sometimes.
I suddenly had to take over but it was difficult for my husband. Some things took persuasion by example.
Not to take credits cards out, so neither did. Carrrying ALL the keys on a him all the time to 'save' time.
I spoke to the GP on my own many years before when I noticed signs of memory loss.
X
There is such a lot of denial in that area.
I have found that gradually some things are accepted, but progress is slow and go back sometimes.
I suddenly had to take over but it was difficult for my husband. Some things took persuasion by example.
Not to take credits cards out, so neither did. Carrrying ALL the keys on a him all the time to 'save' time.
I spoke to the GP on my own many years before when I noticed signs of memory loss.
X
Barbara, thank you for your kind understanding . I really get it....... it's being alone, yes we can talk on here but we are still alone. I took for granted JH and I would continue to enjoy our retirement and old age as others do, I just didn't see this coming, it has been sneeking up on me for at least a couple of years, doctor thought it was medication for prostate causing problem and I foolishly accepted it as JH didn't want any fuss, that was over a year ago, now symptoms are escalating at speed and there is no doubt what is wrong . If only we could turn back time, but that wouldn’t work either for we'd still end up where we are today. My strength has taken a wobble, big wobble, but I'm sure I recover and come back stronger. It has helped to have TP people for support.
Once again I thank you Barbara and may you have a very happy and peaceful festive season x
Yes RosettaT, even a trip to shops would be a luxury I would appreciate, online grocery shopping is a pain, especially like yesterday when some important items just didn't come. We have a small Mace to pick up bits and pieces and have to make do, I so miss you M & S shopping. I have applied to community transport which I hope will be a help, fingers crossed. Being rural does have it's problems, we came here to be away from " THE TROUBLES " as they were called, it was a good retreat after working in the city, it think it's biting me in the bum now
. Happy Christmas to you.
XXXX Francy
Barbara, thank you for your kind understanding . I really get it....... it's being alone, yes we can talk on here but we are still alone. I took for granted JH and I would continue to enjoy our retirement and old age as others do, I just didn't see this coming, it has been sneeking up on me for at least a couple of years, doctor thought it was medication for prostate causing problem and I foolishly accepted it as JH didn't want any fuss, that was over a year ago, now symptoms are escalating at speed and there is no doubt what is wrong . If only we could turn back time, but that wouldn’t work either for we'd still end up where we are today. My strength has taken a wobble, big wobble, but I'm sure I recover and come back stronger. It has helped to have TP people for support.
Once again I thank you Barbara and may you have a very happy and peaceful festive season x
Yes RosettaT, even a trip to shops would be a luxury I would appreciate, online grocery shopping is a pain, especially like yesterday when some important items just didn't come. We have a small Mace to pick up bits and pieces and have to make do, I so miss you M & S shopping. I have applied to community transport which I hope will be a help, fingers crossed. Being rural does have it's problems, we came here to be away from " THE TROUBLES " as they were called, it was a good retreat after working in the city, it think it's biting me in the bum now
. Happy Christmas to you.
XXXX Francy
Totally understand, even a trip to the dentist is an outing, I really get that AliceA.
Thinking about you Francy, and wondering how you are?
It’s such a very tough time....
Please take care of yourself.
Do keep in touch, love B xx
It’s such a very tough time....
Please take care of yourself.
Do keep in touch, love B xx
Thank you, I am feeling a little better about myself thanks to the lovely people on TP, yourself and a few good friends. I would love for it to be a happy day as I expect this may the last Christmas JH remembers and I will try my very best. For you too may it be as happy a day as possible, I hope you have family you can share this special day with to make it easier . Thank you for being so kind and caring.
XXXX Francy
Your human! Have lost it many times with
Hubby.Live in a lovely village who know hubby and take him to private Day Care 5 days.Family coming tomorrow,live abroad
How will he cope? Will he know them?
He will love the meal,but the usual scratch card/games ?Happy Christmas to you all!
Hubby.Live in a lovely village who know hubby and take him to private Day Care 5 days.Family coming tomorrow,live abroad
How will he cope? Will he know them?
He will love the meal,but the usual scratch card/games ?Happy Christmas to you all!
I just have to add my moment of disconnect tonight - having got past Christmas pretty well - but dementia can be a drip drip drip on your patience -
We are in a holiday house my husband built 12 years - on 3 levels - I left him beside the bed, getting dressed for bed - (in inappropriate shirt and undies - but .. oh well )
I went upstairs to clean up kitchen and I turn around and my husband it there - “I can’t find a bed” - he says - it just beggars belief - how can you not find a bed you are standing beside !! Some times I am just over it - a few choice words and now I am having a half glass of wine alone !
Tomorrow is another day.
We are in a holiday house my husband built 12 years - on 3 levels - I left him beside the bed, getting dressed for bed - (in inappropriate shirt and undies - but .. oh well )
I went upstairs to clean up kitchen and I turn around and my husband it there - “I can’t find a bed” - he says - it just beggars belief - how can you not find a bed you are standing beside !! Some times I am just over it
- a few choice words and now I am having a half glass of wine alone ! Tomorrow is another day.
@Mudgee Joy I know that feeling. That drip drip drip on the patience has finally caught up with me too and I feel at the end of my tether. He has just said that it has been a funny Christmas, which apparently means having a drink with the family. I think he is thinking back to Christmas’s of old which we enjoyed even last year when he wanted to lie down all the time and couldn’t join in the family activities, for reasons we didn’t understand then. He has forgotten about the past few days already and all there is ahead is the same old same old. Love to all xx
Hi Francy
I’m wondering how things are with you?
I’ve written on my original, who has stolen my husband, post about our day. It was better than I had hoped. Just the two of us. I do sit and question whether anyone really cares about either of us. Then I get tearful and try to shut those thoughts out.
I know you are planning to make an appointment with your doctor. But when push comes to shove, and now that time is getting closer, it might be harder for you. Talking about things are so much easier than actually doing them.
Let me know how you are...
I’m thinking about you.
Take care, love B xx
You are so right, easier to talk than do, I really hope JH doesn't go back on his word to see doctor, if he doesn't I will, never felt so broken as I do. I do tearful also, I think it's my safety valve, until recently I didn't do tears,now I just can't stop them. On a brighter note we too had a lovely quiet peaceful day and JH was more his old self. I really thanked God for giving me yesterday and granting me a glimmer of hope, it went towards healing my hurt. I hope you and other had something similar. XXXX Francy
