I feel such a fool sitting writing this but I'm really starting to get scared that my husband is nearing the end of his fight with AD. I try not to think about it , keep positive smile a lot, keep busy but every day he just seems to be getting weaker and weaker . Seven years ago he was closing his business as things were getting difficult for him and when he was diagnosed I was told he could have up to 20 years, then it was 15 then 5 and now it could be less than 12 months .I'm so used to him having AD that I just though it would go on for ages, and I think I clung on to that initial 20 year thing because as he's only 53 and was always so fit and strong I just thought he'd hang on forever. I didn't really think I'd have to face this so soon.But seeing him tonight so thin and weak seemingly unaware while I wash where he's soiled himself again, it's all to obvious that he can't go on like this forever . If we lift him to a standing position he can shuffle a few steps by himself but has to have a wheelchair.He can barely speak, maybe a couple of words, he can't control his bladder or bowels and coughs all the time when he tries to swallow. He hardly eats so I give him sustagen in milk when I haven't been able to get him to eat anything which is nearly every day now. He was put on 10mg of halaperadol for anxiety about 4 months ago and I'm wondering if I should stop it to try to see if it could make him a bit more responsive ,but I'd hate to see him scared and upset again with all the other problems he's got.When I put him to bed he can't turn himself over, just stays where I put him with his mouth open looking straight ahead. I turn him during the night as I have to change him when he wets the bed even though he wears incontinance pants ....But he still knows me and our children , if I hug him he kisses my cheek and it seems as though he tries to tell me things that are important but I just can't understand him .I'm frightened all the time that I've done something wrong , that if I had just done something differently he wouldn't be deteriorating so quickly. I know I've been told that the last stage goes quickly but what does this mean? I just want someone to tell me honestly what does happen , someone who has nursed a loved one to the end. And how do you cope with the grief and the fear that gets stronger every day as you watch them getting worse and you realise that you really are going to lose them forever.I know it sounds cruel and selfish but I don't care how sick he is I just don't want him to die. I can't imagine what it's going to be like without him , not being able to touch him or look into his eyes or just know he's still here. I feel as if part of me is being ripped away and I don't know how I 'm supposed to function without it. I realise that he would not want to live like this and I should be thinging that death would be a blessed release for him but all I can seem to think about is the terrible loss I'll feel when it happens and he's no longer with me.I know I've got the strength to survive this but it hurts like hell, so if anyone else has been where I'm heading, please tell me how it really is and how you get through without falling apart. Because there are times when falling apart seems just around the corner.