I'm really scared!

[Sheila]

Mum is in respite, this week is mine/ours. I havn't been able to get time to drive since mum came to live with us 2yrs ago. (I have health probs of my own) I drove today, went to see my daughter and an old friend, hubby came too, he was a right xxxx hole and sapped my confidence driving throughout. He doesn't mean to, it is the situation we are in. He has health probs too (back injury)and we have a son in a wheelchair. (Thru hip amputation of left leg, paralysis of right hand and bad depression)I am so tired, Mum is due back Tuesday night, I am so worried, we have a new agency starting, the last was useless, Mum is a nightmare at night. I get one night a week from Crosssroads, (brilliant, the girl is wonderful and also now a true friend) The old friend (She is in her 80's ) mentioned how hard it must be and how our lives were just non existant because it all revolves around mum. It pulled me up, made me think. She mentioned the guilt factor, she hit the nail on the head. I love my mum, I love my husband, I love my son, I love my daughter (she also has M.E. like me) and I love my son in law who is in remission from cancer.
What is going on? I don't know how much more I can cope with, I am feeling really weak, but they ALL expect me to be the strong one. What should I do, I can't make them all well, I can't even make myself well. What do I do when Tuesday comes? I feel so alone, and so fed up, tired and scared. Sorry, I know this is not what you want to hear, but I am really down right now.

 

[Angela]

Sheila
Have you had proper asessements done with social services, there is the comuunity care one and the carers assessment? Both are important.
Have you spoken to your own GP about your situation?
You shouldnt have to do all the caring for all the people in your fmaily, including yourself, and if you have chosen to do this, then social services etc have to help you. I ask about the GP because you may find that you you need a little counselling, or some anti depressants to keep you strong through this most difficult of situations. neither would be you failing.
Keep typing to us

 

[Angela]

Hi Shiela
How are things?

 

[Sheila]

scared

Hi Ange,
yes I'm back in the driving seat, (just!!) Last week was a really awful one health wise for me. Think it was a case of having to hold on all the time I had to, then when mum finally went into respite, I fell apart, know what I mean?
Well, once I got over it, I thought I'd better get some contingency plans together, so we visited several EMI homes and short listed it to 2. I am now going to put mum on the waiting list. I have asked that they let me know when beds become available so I can take up the offer when I need to and I will also keep them posted if I get to the point I cannot do it any more. I was lucky in that the home I like best is run by ex colleagues so I was able to really give it the "once over" and he said he will ring me and see if I have had enough periodically! Mum came back with a skin tear and several items of soiled clothes so I was not amused. The new agency, so far, so good. So, all in all, it's O.K. Thanks for asking.
Love,
She,
XX