I'm ready to give up. POA has let me down with all the stress of caring.

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by angiebails, Oct 7, 2016.

  1. angiebails

    angiebails Registered User

    Oct 8, 2009
    227
    crewe
    The mental capacity act is there and is clear but the only person that uses it is me they have controlled every aspect of our lives and nothing now will persuade my husband that he has any money every time I have quoted the mental capacity act to the solicitor and the public guardian office I have got no where. The public guardian just stick up for the attorneys. Because my husband hasn't seen a savings or bank statement or any real cash since last October he firmly believes he has no money. He has woken several times saying that I have given it all away and has been very difficult to calm down. I have no more money to spend on solicitors as the£2000 I have already spent has got me nowhere and as I don't work it had to come out of my savings.
    Your comments are very useful and I shall write it down so that I can quote it to her when we might see her again.
    My husband worked hard for his money and it is his to spend but his son and daughter both said, he worked hard for his money and I wasn't to spend it as it is not mine but it was the family's inheritance.
    Attorneys can do basically what they want as was quoted the other day by the helpline as long as they didn't go on luxury holidays with his money they the attorneys could decide what money we were allowed to have.
    The whole thing is a disgrace.


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  2. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    994
    Colchester
    Dear Angie, I really feel for you and am worried about you. I think your best bet is to see a solicitor unless you have a social worker. Social workers are there to make sure you are ok and that you do not have a load of stress and trouble. Please get in touch with Azheimers society also as they are so kind and helpful. Age UK or even Citizens advice will also help. Do not try to do this alone. There is help out there. Please tomorrow will you get on the phone and get help and advice. Please. Good luck to you . I hope it all works out as I am sure it will.xx
     
  3. la lucia

    la lucia Registered User

    Jul 3, 2011
    591
    Did you follow the link I sent? It wasn't for the mental capacity act. It spells out specifically how attorneys have to behave and gives contacts for setting up an advocate or mediation for POA problems.

    Just write a clear, polite but firm outline of the situation and organise an advocate or a mediator. Keep it simple and boil it down to the main points. Echo the wording from the link I sent you. Your husband doesn't forfeit his rights just because he has dementia. Send it recorded delivery and keep a copy.

    Forget solicitors (yours is clearly useless and expensive) or OPG helplines just write and then you have a paper trail.

    The attorneys can keep a check on the finances and make financial decisions but if things are happening as outlined in this thread then they have no legal right to do what they're doing. They are, at the very least, over extending themselves.
     
  4. angiebails

    angiebails Registered User

    Oct 8, 2009
    227
    crewe
    Thank you


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  5. Delphie

    Delphie Registered User

    Dec 14, 2011
    1,252
    Excellent advice from la lucia.

    One thing jumped out at me from angie's post a bit further up, his son and daughter both said, he worked hard for his money and I wasn't to spend it as it is not mine but it was the family's inheritance.

    If I were you angie I would do a 'further to our conversation' email or letter reminding them that your husband's money is your husband's money and NOT their inheritance to protect, which is what seems to be happening right now. Keep a copy and then it's there to include if you go further with making a complaint against them. It's not the same as having a letter from them saying that the money is the family's inheritance, but it would still show something of how this situation is being handled and throw light on the motivation behind it.
     
  6. tigerlady

    tigerlady Registered User

    Nov 29, 2015
    427
    I agree that la lucia has given excellent advice, and I have just read the link about the advocacy service, and it seems to be the right way to go in your circumstances. As your husband is constantly worried by the thought that he has no money, and he says it to you, perhaps he could communicate this himself to the advocate. Good idea to to refer, in writing, to the converstion you had with his children about the fact that they consider it their inheritance and not his money. Leave a paper trail.

    Please dont give up, but I agree that the solicitors have not been helpful, and maybe letters rather than phone calls to the OPG regarding your husbands concerns about his lack of money might be more useful. If your write down your last post in the form of a letter to the OPG they might have a better understanding of the situation. It describes exactly how distressed your husband is and also leaves more paper trails.

    AgeUK and the AS also would be sympathetic and give good advice
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.