I'm ready to give up. POA has let me down with all the stress of caring.

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by angiebails, Oct 7, 2016.

  1. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,738
    Yorkshire
    Hi angiebails
    your poor man is obviously stressed by all this; as are you - I hope you both manage to have a settled day today

    I'm just wondering - when you see your solicitor, along with the transcript you are writing, might you allow them sight of your threads on TP, they are so eloquent and detailed and make very clear your husband's understanding of the situation, the effect all this is having on him and the lack of regular, respectful contact with his children.

    best wishes to you both and your wonderful mum
     
  2. Lorna44

    Lorna44 Registered User

    Jul 16, 2016
    175
    Female
    Surrey
    Such a terrible situation, just wanted to send you and your husband a big virtual hug xxxx
     
  3. angiebails

    angiebails Registered User

    Oct 8, 2009
    227
    crewe
    No sleep for me tonight. Kept me awake till 2.00. And now he's in the shower getting ready to go the solicitors there is no way I can persuade him we can't go now. I'm just hoping this doesn't kick off big time when I say we can't go. Here goes. I will try the hot drink and biscuit routine hoping he will go to sleep.


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  4. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,478
    Ireland
    Wishing you the best of luck Angie. I've been so blessed with my step-children, all of them adult, one of them older than I am. But they all felt that I was the one living with their dad, so any decisions should be mine. And when he died, one of them even gave me a gift of cash "to tide me over" in case I needed anything extra.

    I think you've been given good advice - you are both being financially abused by the Attorney, and on that basis, the Attorney-ship should be overturned, and you should be appointed your husband's attorney. Very best of luck to you.
     
  5. tigerlady

    tigerlady Registered User

    Nov 29, 2015
    427
    Yes - good luck - my thoughts are with you today. As someone suggested, it might be a good idea to print out your thread here about this, or take your laptop/tablet and show the solicitor the sequence of events as it unfolded
     
  6. HillyBilly

    HillyBilly Registered User

    Dec 21, 2015
    1,948
    Ireland
    Angie - hugs and best wishes for today x
     
  7. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,869
    Female
    South coast
    I too truly hope that you get a good result.
     
  8. Beannie

    Beannie Registered User

    Aug 17, 2015
    94
    East Midlands
    Hope this is of some help

    I have full Power of Attorney for my husband for Health and Wealth. Before it could be done the Solicitor had to make sure my husband had mental capacity to understand. The POA can be revoked at any time (as I understand it) and in any case the POA'S have a duty to make sure they are acting in your husband's best interest and depriving you of sufficient money to buy food for him and yourself and to pay for chiropody is not doing so. Do you know who the Solicitors are? If not try ringing the Office of The Public Guardian, The Citizens Advice Bureau or even the Alzheimers helpline who may be able to advise you what to do. The POA's also have to keep receipts to prove any spending has been for your husband's best interest and it is a punishable criminal offence not to do so. I know legal fees are expensive but is there anyway you can afford a Solicitor. Sometimes if you explain your circumstances you can pay the legal bill in instalments. If your husband has capacity to express his wishes that could go a long way to resolving this. If you are in receipt of DLA/PIP have you tried applying for a crisis loan? (Not sure how that works, just trying to be helpful). Thinking of you at this difficult time
     
  9. angiebails

    angiebails Registered User

    Oct 8, 2009
    227
    crewe
    I had contacted solicitor first thing this morning and she has spent the day trying to contact there solicitor as to what there intentions are before she will take it further with the public guardian but as yet no reply. I have spent the day keeping my husband calm as I had no sleep, he keeps asking to go to the solicitors thinking this will resolve it. Little does he know how determined they are to keep his money for the inheritance that they are expecting. I am feeling quite calm now as money is not the centre of my life. I know I can keep him happy and contented better than anyone, he is my life partner. He is sad as he does have a fear of having no money as he was left at 16 with no parents, put in digs and his siblings living in a children's home. He cycled every day to visit them after a days work and has worked so hard ever since. Where as today his children think it's there right to be left loads of money to keep them in luxury and to add to there 3 motorbikes, Porsche, horsebox 2 horses and range rover. Total hours this year seeing there dad = 4 hours. We know as carers of very special people money is nothing to the odd smile, the special day where they surprise you and when vulnerable you love them more.


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  10. jan.s

    jan.s Registered User

    Sep 20, 2011
    7,352
    You have my full respect Angie. It is hard enough looking after the one you love with dementia, ensuring they are calm and happy and trying to shield them from problems. It is unbelievable that his family can act in this way. Who do they think is going to fund his life? That is a mystery to me. Do they really believe that he worked hard all of his life to live in "poverty" so they can enjoy a lifestyle on his money?

    It is so hard watching the one you love tussle with the problem, unable to fully understand how to deal with it. Your love shines through for your husband, and together you will crack this problem, I'm sure.

    Hopefully the solicitor will begin to resolve the issue. x
     
  11. angiebails

    angiebails Registered User

    Oct 8, 2009
    227
    crewe
    Thanks for that. Like all of the amazing people on the Forom we know what this life is like and it is so hard for carers and dementia sufferes alike.


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  12. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,478
    Ireland
    Angie, please, when the solicitor is sorting this, make sure your savings are separated from your husband's! That could be vital in the future!
     
  13. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    Your husband sounds like a wonderful man Angie, and he is very blessed to have you. This is all so cruel to you both, hope you get some good news very soon.
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  14. DixonC

    DixonC Registered User

    Aug 3, 2016
    28
    Oh Angie, can't begin to know what you are going through, we have just arranged LPOA for each other with two of our three children named as sponsors and couldn't imagine them doing that to us. Who knows what is going through your family's minds but who, including solicitors, would want you to find yourselves without access to your money. Your husband may not be able to organise things any more but it sounds like you are more than capable.
    My heart goes out to you and I just hope it all gets sorted soon. The only other thing I can say is that, without wanting to sound too vindictive, I would leave everything go charity in your Will!!
    Keep your hopes up and enjoy your time with your husband as best you can.
     
  15. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,738
    Yorkshire
    Hi Angiebails
    I do hope the solicitor will be able to sort out this mess for you
    I admire how you keep on going and with such compassion for your husband
    I'm afraid I've become a bit hardened and would still email the OPG to let them know about the situation, so they have confirmation of the timing of the Attorneys' intervention before the excuses and 'apologies' appear - I really fear that your husband's children will swing this around their way too
    I hope you both had a more restful evening and your husband is more settled today
    best wishes
     
  16. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,478
    Ireland
    Shedrech is right, Angie.
     
  17. tigerlady

    tigerlady Registered User

    Nov 29, 2015
    427
    Definitely contact the OPG. There is no need to wait for solicitors to contact each other. Your step children's solicitor may be on holiday, or have been instructed to not be available. The OPG should know immediately that your husband is being deprived of the money he needs to live on. Even if it is put right, the fact is that you have suffered hardship and embarrassment at the chiropodist's and the bank due to their actions. The OPG must know the timing of the events, and the fact that your husbands children have made no effort to put things right of their own will.
     
  18. dottyd

    dottyd Registered User

    Jan 22, 2011
    1,066
    n.e.
    Horrified and speechless!!

    You sound such a lovely lady and worth ten of those scumbags.
     
  19. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    Thinking of you today Angie, and hoping that common sense and justice prevail. Big hug.
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  20. angiebails

    angiebails Registered User

    Oct 8, 2009
    227
    crewe
    I haven't heard from the solicitor yet today but she has sent me a copy of a letter she received yesterday from the step children. She told me it was not nice reading but has sent it to me. I haven't opened it as I know what terrible things they will have written about me and I don't think I want to see it in writing. I shall keep it on one side and perhaps one day when I have the strength will read it. They are in negotiations as to how they will finance me and give me access for money and I don't see why at any point I should have to go without or think about the cost of things if it is for my husband and I to live and give him the best life possible.
    I am feeling raw as over the last 7 years I have had asked for help from them, told them of his condition and bit my tongue more times than I can remember to keep the peace and now they name call me when they have not been near there father for years.
    Sorry for going on but I have had to try and put it all out of my head as it has brought on my asthma and then I think what they have done and it s hard and they don't care less except for this flaming money and inheritance.


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