So lots of things are happening at the moment ...
I'm managing, slowly and with help, to step back from seeing my 85 year old mum (who is recovering from carer breakdown) as much which I hope will start to make her less dependant on me. I'm learning that although I can and will support her, I shouldn't do so to the extent I have been - its been massively detrimental to myself and my family - and actually, it hasn't helped. It hasn't hastened her recovery. I could be there for her 24/7 and still it wouldn't be enough - so I am finding a balance. Our relationship, however, is irreparably damaged and will never be the same again. I have come to accept this too.
Dad (86, dementia) is settled in his care home - deteriorating, but settled and well-looked after. More acceptance required on my part.
Today we are booking a holiday - we didn't manage to get away last year as mum had her breakdown at the beginning of the school Summer holidays
I am so excited I may actually pop!
My husband is starting back to work. He suffers from severe depression and has really taken a slide during mums illness/hospitalisation and recovery (mainly because it has taken me away from the family home so much). He's previously described me as his security blanket - no pressure then!
Not sure yet how that's going to go as he's still on shaky ground - but he's been off work for months now and I think its important for him to regain some normality. When he was at home all he had to focus on was his own feelings and how I was trying to cope with my mum - seeing me rushing around all the time trying to fit everything in. He resents mum hugely for the strain she has put on me, and our marriage (so do I if truth be known). He thinks I am too soft with her and that I tiptoe round her too much ... that our lives revolve around her .... the difference is that I know that trying to rush things will not work, and if her recovery slides, who will it be picking up the pieces again? Me.
Anyway - things are changing, for the better, I feel - I am getting some of 'me' back. The garden is looking wonderful - last year I dont think I even cut the grass more than a few times
I wish I could shake off the feelings of apprehension. Every time the phone goes I jump - what's the crisis going to be now? When I go to pick mum up to go out I try to read the expression on her face. Will it be a good day or a bad day? I wonder if I'll ever shake off the early morning butterflies in the stomach. I suspect I won't
Still - as the thread says - I'm on my way
I'm managing, slowly and with help, to step back from seeing my 85 year old mum (who is recovering from carer breakdown) as much which I hope will start to make her less dependant on me. I'm learning that although I can and will support her, I shouldn't do so to the extent I have been - its been massively detrimental to myself and my family - and actually, it hasn't helped. It hasn't hastened her recovery. I could be there for her 24/7 and still it wouldn't be enough - so I am finding a balance. Our relationship, however, is irreparably damaged and will never be the same again. I have come to accept this too.
Dad (86, dementia) is settled in his care home - deteriorating, but settled and well-looked after. More acceptance required on my part.
Today we are booking a holiday - we didn't manage to get away last year as mum had her breakdown at the beginning of the school Summer holidays
I am so excited I may actually pop!My husband is starting back to work. He suffers from severe depression and has really taken a slide during mums illness/hospitalisation and recovery (mainly because it has taken me away from the family home so much). He's previously described me as his security blanket - no pressure then!
Not sure yet how that's going to go as he's still on shaky ground - but he's been off work for months now and I think its important for him to regain some normality. When he was at home all he had to focus on was his own feelings and how I was trying to cope with my mum - seeing me rushing around all the time trying to fit everything in. He resents mum hugely for the strain she has put on me, and our marriage (so do I if truth be known). He thinks I am too soft with her and that I tiptoe round her too much ... that our lives revolve around her .... the difference is that I know that trying to rush things will not work, and if her recovery slides, who will it be picking up the pieces again? Me.
Anyway - things are changing, for the better, I feel - I am getting some of 'me' back. The garden is looking wonderful - last year I dont think I even cut the grass more than a few times
I wish I could shake off the feelings of apprehension. Every time the phone goes I jump - what's the crisis going to be now? When I go to pick mum up to go out I try to read the expression on her face. Will it be a good day or a bad day? I wonder if I'll ever shake off the early morning butterflies in the stomach. I suspect I won't
Still - as the thread says - I'm on my way
