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I'm on my way .... moving on

kingmidas1962

Registered User
Jun 10, 2012
3,535
0
South Gloucs
So lots of things are happening at the moment ...

I'm managing, slowly and with help, to step back from seeing my 85 year old mum (who is recovering from carer breakdown) as much which I hope will start to make her less dependant on me. I'm learning that although I can and will support her, I shouldn't do so to the extent I have been - its been massively detrimental to myself and my family - and actually, it hasn't helped. It hasn't hastened her recovery. I could be there for her 24/7 and still it wouldn't be enough - so I am finding a balance. Our relationship, however, is irreparably damaged and will never be the same again. I have come to accept this too.

Dad (86, dementia) is settled in his care home - deteriorating, but settled and well-looked after. More acceptance required on my part.

Today we are booking a holiday - we didn't manage to get away last year as mum had her breakdown at the beginning of the school Summer holidays :cool: I am so excited I may actually pop!

My husband is starting back to work. He suffers from severe depression and has really taken a slide during mums illness/hospitalisation and recovery (mainly because it has taken me away from the family home so much). He's previously described me as his security blanket - no pressure then!

Not sure yet how that's going to go as he's still on shaky ground - but he's been off work for months now and I think its important for him to regain some normality. When he was at home all he had to focus on was his own feelings and how I was trying to cope with my mum - seeing me rushing around all the time trying to fit everything in. He resents mum hugely for the strain she has put on me, and our marriage (so do I if truth be known). He thinks I am too soft with her and that I tiptoe round her too much ... that our lives revolve around her .... the difference is that I know that trying to rush things will not work, and if her recovery slides, who will it be picking up the pieces again? Me.

Anyway - things are changing, for the better, I feel - I am getting some of 'me' back. The garden is looking wonderful - last year I dont think I even cut the grass more than a few times :(

I wish I could shake off the feelings of apprehension. Every time the phone goes I jump - what's the crisis going to be now? When I go to pick mum up to go out I try to read the expression on her face. Will it be a good day or a bad day? I wonder if I'll ever shake off the early morning butterflies in the stomach. I suspect I won't :rolleyes:

Still - as the thread says - I'm on my way;):)
 

Butter

Registered User
Jan 19, 2012
6,737
0
NeverNeverLand
That is good news. but yes - it seems to be one long learning curve and endless adjustments ....

I hope you are going somewhere really amazing and for a long long time!
 

Hair Twiddler

Registered User
Aug 14, 2012
891
0
Middle England
Yes you are on your way. So pleased that your hubby is going back to work. It's a big step isn't it? Definately in the right direction for both of you. A bit less of the pressure you feel from your mum, hubby having work to do and talk about, a holiday to look forward to are are going to strengthen and enrich your life.
I know what you mean about gardens too. I've been spending a lot of time in our garden over the past couple of months (ironically although my mum is always there with me - I do feel that I have distance away from her physically and mentally - it's been great). Our garden is looking good I feel a real achievement looking at it, knowing I've done it.
Small steps - that's the way.
Stay well. Twiddler x
 

meme

Registered User
Aug 29, 2011
1,953
0
London
on your way for sure...you deserve your holiday I hope you relax,chill and enjoy it!! ( I do know that feeling of apprehension..things go well and you can't help expecting somethings round the next corner...
 

turbo

Registered User
Aug 1, 2007
3,852
0
Hello KM, I am so pleased to read that you are booking a much needed holiday.

turbo
 

lilysmybabypup

Registered User
May 21, 2012
1,263
0
Sydney, Australia
All very positive, a holiday will be lovely, I'm sure. It seems you have had so many people relying on you and that must be very hard sometimes, compassion and strength can only go so far, then it needs grace, which you also have by the bucket load.

Glad to hear your resolve, hope it stays firm and fast and you can take care of you as well.

Stephanie, xx
 

Miss Merlot

Registered User
Oct 15, 2012
3,262
0
Good for you KM - you are right when you say that 24/7 would never be enough for her, and your family, who will actually benefit from your loving time and attention should definitely come first...
 

Kathphlox

Registered User
Dec 16, 2009
1,088
0
Bolton
Very apt song, I like it. I hope you have a great time on your holiday... Where do you plan on going?
 

Polly1945

Registered User
Oct 24, 2012
261
0
Hereford
Hi KM and hubby,

I'm so pleased for you both. Wishing you a lovely relaxing holiday - you certainly deserve it so much.

Love
Pauline
 

Kathphlox

Registered User
Dec 16, 2009
1,088
0
Bolton
Whoohoo, I've been to Cyprus, it's great. I may go to Portugal on a cheap self catering one this September, never been before..last minute cheapo if I can wangle it, when they finally install the new kitchen.. we've been living on a building site for weeks.

Get away KM, don't look back, fresh air, freedom and sunshine.

Take care *hugs*
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
66,344
0
71
Dundee
We've been to North Cyprusn(Turkish) South Cyprus (Greek) lots of times. We love it! Have a wonderful time. xx