Im not the brother

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
Hello @Mart2020 and welcome to Dementi Talking Point.

Im afraid that confusion of family members is common in dementia as the disease progresses. You are obviously still recognised and she knows that you are family. She just cant remember exactly what this relationship is.

Try not to get too upset by this, although I know it is hard.
 

Whisperer

Registered User
Mar 27, 2017
382
0
Southern England
Dear @Mart2020

Welcome to DTP. Perhaps your wife has a brother and in her confusion she is seeing you as that person. Hope that makes sense.

I realise it hurts, my mum has asked me a few times who I am? Please accept it is just part of the Dementia experience, nothing we can do about it, just try not to let it upset us badly.

Please remember somewhere under the Dementia is your wife, who might be confused and muddled at times but needs you more than ever.

It would be best not to try and correct your wife. One of the volunteer moderators will no doubt reply to you soon, giving you a link to a thread about “compassionate communication”. Sorry my IT skills are to limited to give you the link. It helped me to work with mum in her confused moments, see the world how she does, respond in a helpful way within the muddled world of Dementia.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
7,195
0
Nottinghamshire
Hi @Mart2020 and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. This is a very supportive community and you'll get lots of help and advice here.
This is a link to the thread @Whisperer mentioned Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired. It gives helpful advice about how to deal with the sort of muddles you're wife is getting into. I found it useful when my mother was still living at home, but but don't beat yourself up if you don't always act in the ways it suggests, I found it very hard at times.
My mother often used to ask me how my mother and my sister are. I don't have a sister and she is obviously my mum. At first I used to point out her mistake, but I now say (or did, I haven't seen her since lockdown started) something vague. I'm not sure if mum thinks I'm her mum or if it's just a stock phrase she'd say to anyone she vaguely knew when she was being polite.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,449
0
Scotland
If you try to rationalise with dementia you will make yourself very unhappy. In most cases the person who is confused will just move on when something distracts them like a cup
of tea or a walk outside.

I remember being outraged when my husband mixed me up with my mother or his sister even when he was calling me by my Christian name. It made no sense. Quickly I learned that making sense was no longer as important as it had been in our earlier life together. Change the subject or just give a brief answer or even just a soothing noise eg Fine thanks.
 

Mart2020

New member
Sep 28, 2020
7
0
Since I last posted this is an update to which I'm a little confused my wife had a brain mri came clear also one for her arteries came out clear her blood work results perfect and her blood pressure still she was diagnosed with acute mild cognitive disorder/dementia she still sundowning and when she is not sundowning she still confused she comes and goes on the other hand she takes cares of herself as far as hygiene is concern she eats well she was getting some allucinations which are getting but right before all the confusion starts she says she is really tired and has a headache and I loose her even when she is tired it takes her a while to sleep which causes her confusion to get worst
 

Mart2020

New member
Sep 28, 2020
7
0
Her anxiety level is high when she is tired she doesn't want me around she claims I don't live there so I try redirecting techniques which work for a little while then she calms down still doesn't know who IAM and tells me I can sleep on the couch and she thinks I'm at work and calls me and text me and tells me I can stay in the couch until I get home and then I can leave once she sleeps and wakes up is like nothing ever happens until she feels tired again once she sleeps and gets ups and she sees me she asks me how was work and at what time I got in she was prescribed Namenda two days ago and I gave it to her but I noticed more confusion I'm wondering if is like this at the begining until it works or is it that Namenda is not going to work
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
3,620
0
My dad once showed me a photo of his mum and asked if it was me. I laugh now but at the time it wasn't funny. It's just one of those dementia things that seem to be sent to torment the carer and make life even harder for them.

Just don't take it personally.