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I'm not sure how to deal with my Mum's refusal of help in nursing home

Mother goose

Registered User
Jul 5, 2012
257
Co.Sligo, Ireland
My 89 year old Mum has Alzheimers & double incontinence & in a nursing home the last 4 years. This last year she has become very childlike & her memory is nonexistent. The hair dresser goes in every week & residents can get their hair washed & cut & my Mum has always had hers done & used to enjoy it. The last few months, the hairdresser has had to persuade her to get it done & said, your daughter has paid for it, which seemed to do the trick. Last week she refused & when the hairdresser said, your daughter has paid for it, my Mum said, well you'll have to give her the money back. So it didn't get washed, as the hairdresser said to me, she obviously couldnt force her & would try again this week. So it wasn't washed for over 2 weeks & quite smelly, as the temperature in the nursing home is kept at 70 degrees. This wk she coaxed her & told me my Mum was hitting out at her while she was trying to wash it. When I went in later, the carers were trying to get my Mum to her bathroom to change her pad etc & she was hitting out at them. So they asked me to go with her, which i did & they followed us & got her changed. I realise this is going to get worse & not sure how to deal with it. Is this the later stages? Does the alzheimers cause the person to not want water on their head?
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
2,988
West Hertfordshire
All sorts of reasons, an infection can often result in a change of behaviour.

Not wanting water on head is quite common, Dry shampoo can be a very good friend
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
11,617
South coast
My feeling is that it isnt up to you @Mother goose
Your mum is in a Nursing Home and they are the ones who should be dealing with it.
Refusing washing/bathing etc and resistance to having pads changed are very common dementia symptoms and the home aught to know how to deal with it.
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,481
Kent
My dad was similar as his illness progressed. Is the NH a dementia NH taking all stages? It can be difficult but experienced dementia settings have proven flexible strategies that whilst may not work every time often get around the problem by tackling things in a different way so they should be able to have some answerd rather than deferring to you. Has her stage moved beyond what they can manage?
 

Mother goose

Registered User
Jul 5, 2012
257
Co.Sligo, Ireland
My dad was similar as his illness progressed. Is the NH a dementia NH taking all stages? It can be difficult but experienced dementia settings have proven flexible strategies that whilst may not work every time often get around the problem by tackling things in a different way so they should be able to have some answerd rather than deferring to you. Has her stage moved beyond what they can manage?
 

Mother goose

Registered User
Jul 5, 2012
257
Co.Sligo, Ireland
Hi Love.dad, There are 60 residents in my Mum's NH & most of them have alzheimers. It's only the last few months that she has changed towards the hairdresser & carers. Sadly, her alzheimers has progressed, which is a difficult situation for us all & our loved ones.
 

Mother goose

Registered User
Jul 5, 2012
257
Co.Sligo, Ireland

RosettaT

Registered User
Sep 9, 2018
433
Mid Lincs
There are a number of places you can buy it on line if it comes to that. Not strickly a dry shampoo as it's a liquid but you don't use water to rinse, just rub it in and it froths up then towel off. I use it for my husband and when his hair is dry you woukdn't know it hadn't been washed with regular shampoo.
 

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