1. LinzyE

    LinzyE Registered User

    Mar 13, 2008
    12
    This is the first time i've logged on here, although have been looking at some posts for a while.

    But yesterday my grandmother was diagnosed with lewy bodies and given approx 2 - 12 months to live, but they're estimating 2 months.... she has rapidly declined from being slightly confused in October time to after new year being a different person.

    I dont know what to do i feel so unhelpful, my grandfather is her main carer and is wanting to take her home from hospital, but the docotrs have told him she needs 24 hour care in a home. i think he wants to say goodbye to her in his own way. my dad (who's mum it is) is tryin to be strong for the family but he looks so weak and tired its the first time ive seen him like this.
     
  2. zoet

    zoet Registered User

    Oh Linzey.what a shame, Im so sorry.
    So grandad wants to say goodbye. Ok, well how about you and your family get together, and arrange to ask to take grandma home for a "visit". Just for a couple of hours or for as long as you can manage to have her, remembering she is poorly and needs care and will be very tired. Then have everybody get dressed up, do some nice food, crack open a bottle of fizzy stuff and have a celebration of her and grandads life with her as the guest of honour.
    Before it's time to go back, let her and grandad have some private time where they can share their feelings and love. Be there for Grandad after this because he will be upset. The unsaid understanding is that this will be "goodbye" at its best, before Grandmas decline makes it impossible to do.
    I really feel for you, you all sound like very caring and loving people. good luck.xxx
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,654
    Kent
    Hello Linzy.

    I have never experienced such a rapid deterioration but imagine it must be very frightening.

    Would it be possible for you to arrange for your grandmother to be taken home just for a short while, as Zoe suggested? Would it be possible for a member of the family to stay with them, just to give him some support?

    If not, perhaps the hospital could suggest some arrangements which could be made for them to have some special time together.

    I do hope you manage to find a way.

    Love xx
     
  4. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,418
    I'm not certain from your post whether you're trying to find a way to help your grandfather achieve his wishes, or find away to explain why what has been proposed is a good idea. I can see pros and cons for both options. If he's in reasonably good health and the physical arrangement of their home is workable, I would be wondering why he couldn't do what he wants to do - bring his wife home for her final weeks. Yes he'll need a lot of assistance, but it does sound as if it's for a finite period of time.
     
  5. LinzyE

    LinzyE Registered User

    Mar 13, 2008
    12
    Its not that im tryin to figure out what he should do...

    I feel guilty as i dont feel like i can do anything that is worthwhile for either them or my parents, whom its taking alot out of.

    i just been to visit her while at work and she asked me to take her to see her grand-daughter who she thinks works in the hospital.... thats me.
     
  6. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi

    I don't think you should feel at all guilty. You are doing everything you can, by visiting your grandmother, and making sure she knows she is loved. It doesn't matter if she doesn't remember exactly who you are, as long as she knows that it sis someone familiar, someone who loves her, she will be happy.

    She has declined very quickly, and it must be so hard for you to see. If your parents feel that it would be right or your grandfather to bring her home for her last few weeks, then you'll support them, I know. Your grandfather also needs to know that you love him, and will support him all you can, whatever he decides.

    You're a good granddaughter, to be so concerned to support your family.

    Love,
     

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