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I'm new to this forum - Hi!

Cor

New member
Jul 29, 2020
2
I'm so worried about my husband. Two years ago he lost his father suddenly and had to take on the role as carer for his mother who has Alzheimers. I don't believe he has grieved properly and, in addition to the Alzheimers, I'm sure my Mother-in-Law is suffering from depression. Her care has become all-consuming. She doesn't wash or eat and she has lost her remaining teeth this year. Her care is taking its toll on my husband's mental health and our relationship. The latest thing to upset us is that she had a piece of skin on her leg taken for biopsy which left her with a number of stitches and the area very sore. She won't stop picking at it, and when she went to have the stitches removed yesterday, they confirmed an infection and could only find 2 of the 6 stitches! She won't keep the dressing on and my husband saw a fly on the wound yesterday. Thankfully, my husband retires in November and she will be moving in with us as she currently lives alone. She also smokes which is a danger in itself. Thank you for listening.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
7,090
Bristol
Welcome to the forum, @Cor. So much for your husband and for you to deal with in a short time it is bound to take its toll. I think depression is common with dementia, my partner feels down on the days she is aware of her condition. For your husband's mental health it is definitely worth him speaking to his GP. I have had counselling to help me cope with the stress and the feelings of anticipatory grief, so if he is still grieving for his father then it might help.
Not sure what to say about the infected wound, hopefully the hospital or surgery have a solution. Sorry if I rambled and tried to help all your troubles at once, you are certainly among friends here who understand and can help advise or just read with empathy. Read around a few threads and please keep posting.
 

RosieLee

New member
Jun 26, 2020
5
Hello Cor.I feel for you and your husband and can completely empathise with your situation. I have moved in with my Dad with my partner and my youngest son, given up my home and feeling stressed most of the time. In the longer term I think my dad will need to go in a home, something which makes me feel very guilty. But remember yourselves in all of this, your lives and relationships are important too, that is what I am learning at the moment. My father is exasperating and completely dependent on me. I have just finished raising 3 children mostly on my own and now cleaning up after my dad, cooking and basically doing everything and feel massively resentful and guilty about all the negative feelings I have. I hope you find some support using this forum. Best Wishes to you.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,623
South coast
Hello @Cor and @RosieLee , it sounds like both your carees are at the middle stage of dementia when caring can become all consuming as they lose more and more abilities and become more and more dependant.

This is the stage where you can easily burn out with exhaustion, so its important to get a care package sorted out to give you a bit of a breathing space.

Contact Social Services for a needs assessment to get the ball rolling and grab any offers of help with both hands. If anything happens to you that is not good for you and it will affect everyone else too, so you have to look after yourself. Caring for dementia is a marathon, not a sprint.
 

Cor

New member
Jul 29, 2020
2
Thank you all so much for your responses. I won't say its good to know we're not alone in this, because its a wicked disease and puts so much strain on everyone, but what I've already seen is that this is a great support network. So thank you. I can relate to all the emotions and feelings you have shared.