Hello, I've read some really moving and helpful messages already so am really pleased I found this site.
My Mum is as yet undiagnosed but my brother and I feel sure that my Mum is developing dementia. she started to have memory problems about a year ago and so far is managing really well. I get irritated with her and then feel guilty when I've been asked the same question lots of times, or when she phones me or people in her village to find out where we are, even though I've told her what our plans are and have written then on a white board for her - which she forgets to read and then she panics - but reading what everyone else is going through I realise how lucky I am to still have my Mum relatively "with me". I have started the ball rolling with the GP (after a lot of effort to get them to realise that Mum wouldn't make the appointment herself, we got her in on the pretext of me checking her medication for her asthma, as she kept getting mixed up about what she should be taking, and the GP who eventually saw her was very good and introduced the subject of "memory" and "are your family worried about you do you think" to set the ball rolling a bit. She did the "mini-mental" as they call it, but that really tests long-term memory which she is good on, so the next appointment will be to hopefully gently check her short term memory. Maybe from there we can tackle what help Mum needs now (drugs?) and plan for the future a bit.)
I suppose my worries and guilt are to do with grieving for the life I thought I was going to have for the next few years and realising that, as I am on hand and closest in location to my Mum, I am going to be her main carer. At present I resent this so much! As a single Mum of an 11 year old, i see any chance of meeting new people and having "me" time disappearing. I resent the fact that I'm on hand and am therefore expected to do everything. I hate the way people in the family ring and say "have you done this or that" and then, even though some suggestions are being taken care of or not appropriate, i still feel quilty. I have an aunt who is stirring up resent ment (in me!) by commenting to others that I'm not doing my mum's cleaning or taking her out very much. I feel guilty that I do not do very much for my mum, but on the other hand, her house is spick and span and mine is a mess!! If there's one thing she's not neglecting, it's her house.
All this is meant to illustrate the "poor me" stage I'm going through so I really do not want or expect any sympathy for this BUT just hope someone can reassure me that they have gone through this stage. It does nothing for my self respect to admit that I'm not being a very good daughter at present and am acting like a spoilt brat, I feel! My Mum has done so much for me over the years, is very undemanding, hates to "put on" me, and, if she had any insight into her problem, would I'm quite sure tell me to look after myself and my family.
Sorry that this is a rambling stream of consciousness. I haven't covered half the things that are running through my head and hope that, having read more of you messages, I'll start to get a grip and be morepractical and accepting or what our future will be.
thanks for taking the time to read this anyway.
and good luck with all your hard work and support you give to your loved ones. XX
My Mum is as yet undiagnosed but my brother and I feel sure that my Mum is developing dementia. she started to have memory problems about a year ago and so far is managing really well. I get irritated with her and then feel guilty when I've been asked the same question lots of times, or when she phones me or people in her village to find out where we are, even though I've told her what our plans are and have written then on a white board for her - which she forgets to read and then she panics - but reading what everyone else is going through I realise how lucky I am to still have my Mum relatively "with me". I have started the ball rolling with the GP (after a lot of effort to get them to realise that Mum wouldn't make the appointment herself, we got her in on the pretext of me checking her medication for her asthma, as she kept getting mixed up about what she should be taking, and the GP who eventually saw her was very good and introduced the subject of "memory" and "are your family worried about you do you think" to set the ball rolling a bit. She did the "mini-mental" as they call it, but that really tests long-term memory which she is good on, so the next appointment will be to hopefully gently check her short term memory. Maybe from there we can tackle what help Mum needs now (drugs?) and plan for the future a bit.)
I suppose my worries and guilt are to do with grieving for the life I thought I was going to have for the next few years and realising that, as I am on hand and closest in location to my Mum, I am going to be her main carer. At present I resent this so much! As a single Mum of an 11 year old, i see any chance of meeting new people and having "me" time disappearing. I resent the fact that I'm on hand and am therefore expected to do everything. I hate the way people in the family ring and say "have you done this or that" and then, even though some suggestions are being taken care of or not appropriate, i still feel quilty. I have an aunt who is stirring up resent ment (in me!) by commenting to others that I'm not doing my mum's cleaning or taking her out very much. I feel guilty that I do not do very much for my mum, but on the other hand, her house is spick and span and mine is a mess!! If there's one thing she's not neglecting, it's her house.
All this is meant to illustrate the "poor me" stage I'm going through so I really do not want or expect any sympathy for this BUT just hope someone can reassure me that they have gone through this stage. It does nothing for my self respect to admit that I'm not being a very good daughter at present and am acting like a spoilt brat, I feel! My Mum has done so much for me over the years, is very undemanding, hates to "put on" me, and, if she had any insight into her problem, would I'm quite sure tell me to look after myself and my family.
Sorry that this is a rambling stream of consciousness. I haven't covered half the things that are running through my head and hope that, having read more of you messages, I'll start to get a grip and be morepractical and accepting or what our future will be.
thanks for taking the time to read this anyway.
and good luck with all your hard work and support you give to your loved ones. XX