1. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    333
    Sainsburys might be good but Morrisons are better i believe for the G&T;)
     
  2. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,061
    Female
    Chester
    We've been using Aldi tonic, although Aldi do have a range of their own gin's I haven't get tried the blue bottled one which is packaged similarly to my favourite Bombay Sapphire, I'm a costco member and get that particular gin there. (we looked at gin prices in France :eek: - glad we took gin with us)

    Please don't overdo it and look after yourself.
     
  3. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    628
    I’m doing the happy dance.... probably just as well no one can see but still .....happy dance with big grin on my face!
    Thanks @campervan21 @TNJJ @Lindy50 @Latitude @Starting on a journey for all the info it’s been really appreciated.
    Hope everyone has a good w/end
    @jugglingmum
     
  4. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    628
    Result!!
    I think... had email from mums Doctor Mum has been / is going to be referred to the memory clinic. Yay! Fantastic news!!!
    Apparently the Community Matron has / will be doing this.
    More happy dancing !!!
    Oh my !!

    Last night while out with OH walking the big thin dog( lurcher ; we have very old small fat dog as well - terrier) saw another carer for PWD & they to have had good news. Their PWD has a thyroid condition & UTI & will be returning to home once medication is sorted, vast improvement & home support in place for them. I was so pleased to hear of good news/ care / practices from my own local surgery & team. It gives me hope! Even better it’s my own GP who has been amazing , how lovely to know the system works & is not always a battle for everyone. I guess if you get the support needed from GP ,SS, DN etc you wouldn’t be searching for answers & find yourself on a forum.

    So peeps I hope you all have a good weekend.
    Ps. I’m bubble wrapping my little bubble of happiness!
     
  5. Banjomansmate

    Banjomansmate Registered User

    Jan 13, 2019
    1,076
    Female
    Dorset
    Walking big thin dogs always makes life better (unless it is hammering down with rain and blowing a gale).
     
  6. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    628
    Big thin dog also excellent hot water bottle & big on cuddles!
     
  7. Susan11

    Susan11 Registered User

    Nov 18, 2018
    1,483
    My Mum's doctor arranged for the Audiologist to fit hearing aids for my M and D at home. The same audiologist comes regularly to Mum's CH to check her hearing. I think you need a referal from the doctor.
    Best wishes Susan
     
  8. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    628
    Thank you
    Appreciate all the info you guys supply me with.
     
  9. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    333
    Good news ! Some GP’s etc are amazing.Good luck.
     
  10. Latitude

    Latitude Registered User

    Jul 12, 2019
    25
    #170 Latitude, Aug 24, 2019
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2019
    That's great news! Hope you don't have to wait long before your Mum is seen and assessed.
     
  11. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,189
    Female
    South coast
    Oh Wow, thats brilliant!
    I hope you get the diagnosis soon.
     
  12. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    628
    Ah i knew something was afoot last week, Mum does this thing about not answering the phone or calling me. It’s a sure sign trouble is a brewing... shall we say!
    So tonight as per usual, I’m in bed resting as still exhausted from the drive - a - thon on Thursday/ shopping / sorting out & cooking for Mum- phone rings & OH answers it & wakes me up!!
    Aged Mother, wanting to talk to me... ok now what I think, apparently she’s got another UTI & yesterday the community nurse brought antibiotics out to her. So why not tell me yesterday, why wait til Sunday evening?
    Now this bits making me smile & I know it’s wrong but my Mum is extremely deaf even with hearing aids or so she makes out - phone conversations are horrendously frustrating but tonight Mum had the TV on in the background - phone is in the hallway, had normal conversation spoken at normal level she then terminated the phone call as the theme tune for Who Wants to Be a Millionaire came on with the comment .. “ oh ... im off to watch the man”
    Boredom during ad breaks???
    Or I suspect she’s feeling sorry for herself after I explained I was unable to look after her like the carers do on Thursday when I visited. I hate the game playing & it breaks my heart to think of a lonely frail old woman frightened of what the future holds sat on her own for another night. But.... I then think of all the times Mums refused carers entry, all the scheming & lying, the power games, the nastiness & let’s not start on the violent outbursts etc.
    I now resignedly accept I have done all I can do & without losing my marriage & sanity I am doing my best.
    I can’t have my Mum to live with me - my OH would leave! Infact I think the long thin dog & the short fat dog would abandon me! Especially as mother comes with cat!!
    I think it’s one of the saddest things when you can’t support family in their time of need. But a reality check is required here. So here goes ....
    where was my Mum when I had 6 TIA’s in a 4 month period, my kids were 3 & 1 years old?
    Where was my Mum when I was rushed into hospital with double pneumonia?
    Where was my Mum when I had several operations on my back & shoulder?
    Where was my Mum when they thought I had M.S ( I’m lucky it’s acute M.E & I’m on lots of medication to help me function day to day!) & they were measuring me up for a wheelchair?
    Where was my Mum when her grandson had viral meningitis, burst appendix , broke his back playing rugby ( yes he’s ok now but still has a back brace !)
    Where was my Mum when I had shingles (repeatedly due to stress created by her!)
    Or where was she when I had tests for lymphoma...... all those times & many more when family are meant to support each other my husband & I had to manage with the help of neighbours & friends.

    No it’s not payback time, it’s just I’ve done everything I can do .... how sad is that ! I’ve got nothing left ... no reserves .... no bright ideas ... nothing.
    I’m afraid Mum will have to live with the consequences of her decisions until she is deemed no longer capable to make decisions.

    My resolve is hardening & I can no longer visit my Mum in my own. I can’t believe so soon we are on this repeat behaviour path just as a glimmer of hope of diagnosis was on the horizon. I’m afraid my OH /daughter / friends will have to join me on my visits to Mum & this means a longer frequency between visits. As with all things in life there are consequences... I just hope I can live with the consequences of my decisions .
     
  13. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    333
    Hi.You can only do your best.Does she have lifeline?Dad doesn’t phone me anymore.It is usually the carers.Dad has always been manipulative,and that hasn’t changed.In fact it has got worse.I don’t think that a persons personality changes,I think dementia exaggerates it more.I’m sorry to hear about your mum.I truly thought you were getting somewhere.You need to take care of you.
     
  14. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,189
    Female
    South coast
    You have done everything you can, so dont be hard on yourself.
    Unfortunately, people with dementia often lose empathy quite early on. Their world narrows down so that all they can see are their own needs, desires and comforts - and your mum already had problems in that department!

    Dont be emotionally blackmailed and manipulated into doing too much - keep your boundaries. In the long run your mum will be better off once SS see the problems.
     
  15. rainbowcat

    rainbowcat Registered User

    Oct 14, 2015
    111
    Female
    Dementia DEFINITELY exaggerates personality traits. My father was a complete "me me me" before this, so now I find his selfishness quite unbearable! As long as HIS needs and wants are being met, he cares nothing about anyone else.
     
  16. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    628
    Thank you once again you wonderful peeps! Yes after another disturbed night worrying I have emailed all concerned again referencing a copy of my email of concerns from my visit last week! To then click on here & find these lovely posts from you all. @canary @TNJJ @rainbowcat
    was a lovely balm. Thank you all who have posted to me historically it really helps knowing that you aren’t alone in this.
    Yes I can’t waiver this time. In fact my resolve is hardening.
    I love my Mum but I don’t like her behaviour / language towards others or myself, that is when she’s not in hostess mode!
    Exaggerated behaviour in later years of life is common & I know this - but Mums behaviour / language still gets to me & that’s an issue I need to address.
    Yep promise still stepping back( compared to what I used to do! )
     
  17. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    628
    Yes I put lifeline in a couple of years ago. Not that she will use it at the moment- we go through phases!!!
    I can only hope that if & when I do succumb to old age I will be one of those rare species of sweet old things, like my Dad!
    If I’m like my Mum I’ve told the kids to put me in a home; mind you the kids say if I’m like Granny they will definitely put me in a home & not visit often!!!!!
     
  18. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    628
    Theme tune to my life - The Magic Roundabout !
    Does anyone else find themselves humming either aloud or mentally a tune at random times ?
    My inner jukebox has a diverse selection but ~
    M- People - Things can only get better
    Theme tune to - The Great Escape

    ~ these seem to be the main tracks on repeat play at the moment along with the theme tune to - The Magic Roundabout!
     
  19. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,340
    :)
     
  20. Jenni_B

    Jenni_B Registered User

    Aug 24, 2019
    43
    Female
    France
    Desperate times indeed. It sounds as though you've reached a turning point and in my limited-to-none experience, I'd say this is a "good" thing, if you see what I mean. My sister has had chronic fatigue syndrome twice in the past. She recovered each time, although not fully, I've always thought. She is never really well. Being sole carer for her OH, she recently describes herself as "so tired my bones ache" and we both fear the return of CFS/ME. This year, for the first time, she has realised the extent to which she is being sucked down mentally and physically with her husband. She has reached rock bottom. It's a turning point for her too, and brings with it difficult decisions and much guilt, but it had to happen. Similar for you, I think. That drive alone must wipe you out when you have ME, never mind everything else you're having to do and all the accompanying stress. What's the safety drill on aeroplanes? Put on your own oxygen mask before helping anyone else. Too easy to say, I know, but... You deserve to live your life with your family.
     

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