1. Cazzita

    Cazzita Registered User

    May 12, 2018
    465
    Hope you do wake from this nightmare! What an awful attitude the SS have - very unhelpful. They have a duty of care, not you. Stand your ground and then take some time out and rest.
     
  2. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    437
    Just step back and let SS sort it out when the proverbial hits the fan @DesperateofDevon . SO sorry that you're having to deal with it all. No doubt your mum will be phoning and asking why no one came to see her in the evening.
     
  3. Rosettastone57

    Rosettastone57 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2016
    972
    I agree with the other posts. Step back. Easy for me to say I know. Stay strong
     
  4. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    667
    I emailed to reiterate ongoing concerns with Mums failing health; but other than that I’m going to let them all get on with it.
    Between visiting Dad in care home, & driving through heavy holiday traffic to get to Aged Mother in her own home I’m just doing the long distance journey once a fortnight.
    So the SS will have to deal with the inevitable fallout. It almost feels as if they are pushing Mum to a crisis point, as they keep mentioning residential care- which Mum doesn’t want.
    If Mum goes into residential care then SS won’t have to pay towards Dads & Mums care packages. Maybe I’m just cynical...
     
  5. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    667
    Arrrgh!
    VENT TIME

    Warning this post will contain blind frustration!

    So Aged mother’s neighbour & friend rang with her & the other neighbours concerns for mums health & welfare!!!! What can I do that I am not already doing - I ask?

    So my solution to the issues she raised was call the SW or The Doctors Surgery & state your concerns- as I keep doing it but nothing happens!!!

    Feel like it’s Groundhog Day......again!

    Vent over
    I’m going to have a good cry now!
     
  6. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    339
    There isn’t!
     
  7. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,222
    Female
    South coast
    Yes, just keep telling the friends and neighbours to call SS
    The more calls that they get from people other than you, the more seriously they will take it.


    (((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
    SS will see it eventually
     
  8. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    667
    Thanks @canary & @TNJJ
    Have email asking them to call but no matter how many times I give them the number no one rings SS!!!!
    Arrrggh!
    Just pulling hair out ..... oh better not do that; as it’s very short now after disastrous trip to hairdressers for a pick me up treat!
    More like trick or treat!!!!!

    Talk about being kicked in the proverbial when you’re at rock bottom.
     
  9. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,222
    Female
    South coast
    Step back emotionally @DesperateofDevon
    Youve told them what to do. You cant do anything else
     
  10. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    667
    @canary im stepping away .....promise
     
  11. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    667
    So am now bleaching my home into submission!!
    Very cathartic- bleach!
    Aided by 2 G&T- I now know why it was called mother’s little helper.....
    ....... helps take the edge of mother which is very helpful!
    All joking aside - when I’m cross/ annoyed/ frustrated etc the house gets a good clean; so why is it always in such a muddle !!!!
     
  12. katydid

    katydid Registered User

    Oct 23, 2018
    36
    Hallo. Just posted a rant about getting care for my husband who’s vascular dementia, and the main point of it was that I feel it is a do it yourself situation!!
    Communication is very often non existent, different messages within the same one hour period!!!!
    I do t know your financial circumstances but f you need funding for your mums care, you need to begin by asking for a Continuing Health Care Assessment, And asking And asking And asking, and then demanding, and then crying. And finally you will become an emergency, due to carer breakdown! This is SW speak
    And that’s when you begin The DIY !!! Find a bed, find out who the funding panel members are, the secretaries, the direct line telephone, or preferably email,(it is all MUCH better in writing!)
    And then pass the info back and forth, and forth and back, and again!
    Sorry if I sound annoyed . Cross.? Even irritated.........
     
  13. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    667
    Oh bless you, how awful that it’s your husband. I’m so sorry. Let me know how you are getting on & vent away I totally understand the frustration.
    Hugs
    Xxxxx
     
  14. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    667
    Ok so I’m dreading the driving to & from Mums. Holiday season means epic traffic jams & longer journey times on an already tiring journey. My M.E is not good meaning my T.I.A damage from 20 years ago is heightened. I’m maxed out on meds & antidepressants & cried yesterday when dropping my lovely daughter at the bus station so she could get to the airport to meet uni friend who lives in Ibiza! Oh my god I’m so jealous..... I’d love a holiday but don’t have the finances, time or energy if I’m honest.
    I feel like my mums a drain mentally & emotionally & because of that I feel guilty that I don’t do enough. Vicious circle !!!

    If only Mum wasn’t so negative & horrid about everything & everyone- that would be a help. I know the sooner I leave the sooner I will get back ......... but it’s a lonely long journey & I actually dread it; you’d think after all these years it would get easier.
    OH will take me next week when mother has a hospital appointment for eye surgery. I am going to write to the consultant & make sure that he liaises with SW to ensure night cate package is in place after eye surgery. Mum didn’t respond well to surgery last time her paranoia really kicked in even though it was done under local anaesthetic!!!!

    So let’s play Mum bingo, a bit like Trump bingo but more personal to the PWD.
    1- where’s my cleaner
    2- I need new glasses
    3- I can’t do that
    4- I don’t have much of an appetite
    5 - I can’t make appointments
    6- I don’t like the chiropodist that does house calls ( mum booked)
    7- I’m not able to .....
    8- why would I want to hear about other people’s holidays
    9- my hearing aids broken
    10- somethings wrong with the phone
    11- I’m fed up of being told what to do by people
    12- why do the carers come in so early in the morning
    13- nosy Parker’s
    14- I’m not being told what to do
    15- Dr ****** is lovely she works so hard
    ( bloody doesn’t she works 2 days a week & runs other businesses!!)
    16- I don’t get any visitors
    17- oh guess who came to see me
    18- why do the carers make me shower
    19- I don’t like the shower
    20 - I like a bath
    21- I can’t manage the bath
    ( bath lift removed at mums request)
    22- tattoos has been here (SW)
    23- I can’t hear you, speak up
    24- don’t shout you don’t know who’s listening
    25- somethings wrong with this hearing aid
    26- I heard that
    27- they ( next door neighbours) are always spying on me
    28- him next door
    29- who does she think she is
    30- busybodies
    31- nosy neighbours
    32- I have lovely neighbours
    33- I don’t like them
    34- I had men in the garden
    35- men are talking about me
    36- I can hear the men at night talking
    37- the stone by the gate was moved
    38- I can’t walk
    39- I sat out in the garage
    40- I don’t need people coming into the house
    41- is Daddy better
    42- what’s he looking like? Thin
    43- can’t believe how well Daddy settles into there
    44- does Daddy ask after me
    45- does Daddy talk about me
    46- how Daddy
    48- daddy’s not a sociable person
    49- Daddy’s an awkward ......
    50- I need leeks ( I throw out veg!)
    51- I haven’t got _________ ( cupboard & freezer full of)
    52- no one will give me a lift
    53- I don’t want to go there
    54- why would I want to do that
    55- don’t start
    56- oh stop that blubbering
    57- I didn’t kick you my foot just sprang out
    58- oh shut up
    59- I’m so tired all the time
    60- I wish I was dead
    61- oh I fancy a holiday
    62- I’m not able to go anywhere
    63- I went out for a little walk around the estate
    64- saw that nice man
    65- what do they think I am
    66- I haven’t got any money in the house
    67- oh I didn’t know I had money
    68- I’m not stupid
    69- I can sort it out myself
    70- can you ring them for me
    71- I haven’t had a letter from them
    72- that letters been there for ages
    73- I haven’t had a bank statement
    74- why do they keep sending all this mail
    75- can’t be bothered with it
    76- I don’t understand
    77- you do it
    78- anyone would think I’m incapable
    79- I’m quite capable you know
    80- I’m not able to cook
    81- no point in cooking for one
    82- don’t buy too much the freezers full
    83- is that all you got
    84- what took you so long
    85- I don’t like that much
    86- that thing you got me was lovely I’ll have that again
    87- I haven’t got any food in the house
    88- don’t cook up anymore meals I will never get through them all
    89- did you get me more money out
    90- I don’t go anywhere to spend money


    Bet I get a full house on Mum bingo!
    :D:D:confused::eek:o_O
     
  15. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    437
    I could tick quite a few of those off in regards to my mum and probably add a few more, but what are you dong going to see your mum? I'd tell everyone that you can no longer travel long distances, so it's up to SS to sort things out. Hope it goes as well as it can when you are there though.
     
  16. Rosettastone57

    Rosettastone57 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2016
    972
    You could have been writing about my mother-in-law here. She had about 10 phrases that used to come up constantly and I'm not talking about when she had dementia. I'm talking about years and years before she had the diagnosis . Her favourite was "all women are bitches". This came from the fact that all her life she had been jealous of other females for whatever reason. My husband and his sister made up a great long list of well-known phrases coming out of her mouth and like the bingo they used to tick off the phrases everytime they heard it. As you say it was invariably a full house
     
  17. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    667
    So I go down once a week/ fortnight if lucky & get in her shopping; check post etc. Good job I do as SW has cut care package down to 2 visits a day- but cheeky as Mum is self funding & OH & I have to fill in the forms etc & sign it off!
    Hey ho!
    Mum was compos mentis today; I had a proper conversation with her. Poor old thing really hadn’t a clue as to what she had agreed to !!!
    Brucie Bonus was that Mum wants to know why she’s like she is, so GP has been requested to arrange an appointment with the dementia consultant! Rang & requested it there & then & asked if they could confirm or rule out Lewy bodies dementia- & get a definitive diagnosis once & for all!
    The receptionist was lovely
    So fingers crossed!!!
     
  18. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    339
    Everything crossed for you.
     
  19. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    667
    I feel like we took one step forward- I’m just waiting for the two steps backwards!
    Sounds pessimistic but until we get a definitive diagnosis we are circling playing a waiting game for the next crisis; which will be arriving soon as another UTI as care package has been reduced from4. to two visits !!
     
  20. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    667
    Yesterday my mum said another Mum bingo special

    91- I wish I was dead!

    I knew there were more ......
    So I calmly said “actually you don’t, because if you did you wouldn’t be eating & drinking. I think you just feel overwhelmed by your situation & are venting your frustrations”
    I then went on to say how my daughters best friends mother has been given a terminal diagnosis & is desperate to see her son marry next year & the arrival of a grandchild. Mum immediately said how sad that was & how awful for them all. I knew empathy was in there somewhere even if it’s just the polite thing to say it stopped the pity party mid flow!

    So asking her what she could do to improve her situation, ( common grumble from mum is everybody keeps telling her what to do!) led to more negativity!! But no yesterday I wasn’t going to be that person I’ve been I was determined. So I kept bringing everything back to her not having a diagnosis & how worrying that must be, how frightening not knowing what was wrong health wise.
    Yes Mum was more lucid yesterday but she’s a whiliey old fox, & loves a power game - manipulation being her specialty!
    Not sure I’m up to the challenges but hopefully rationality might come through.

    I live in hope!!
     

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