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I'm just a security blanket

AbbyGee

Registered User
Nov 26, 2018
176
0
Portsmouth, South Coast
I really, really, really can't be doing with this. I'm at screaming point.
My shadow, my follower ... can I not have any time to myself? Are we surgically attached somehow?
It's suffocating. Yes, I know you have Alzheimer's and I appreciate that you're scared sometimes and that you need to be told when to get up and when to go to bed and what to wear and where to sit and all that goes with it but for heaven's sake .... WHAT ABOUT ME!
OK - rant over. Just needed to unload.
 

Pusskins

Registered User
Jun 6, 2020
183
0
New Zealand
I really, really, really can't be doing with this. I'm at screaming point.
My shadow, my follower ... can I not have any time to myself? Are we surgically attached somehow?
It's suffocating. Yes, I know you have Alzheimer's and I appreciate that you're scared sometimes and that you need to be told when to get up and when to go to bed and what to wear and where to sit and all that goes with it but for heaven's sake .... WHAT ABOUT ME!
OK - rant over. Just needed to unload.
@AbbyGee I'm really sorry for your distress, but I understand how you feel, because I've been there. Are you able to get a break from time to time - perhaps a carer who comes in a couple of times a week? I had to place MH into full time secure dementia care in October and believe me, that's almost as bad dealing with that emotionally as it was trying to care for him. Is it time your loved one went into care? I can honestly say it's the best thing I did for MH as he is now eating and drinking better foods than he would eat at home, they have managed to get him to sleep in his bed so that the fluid in his bloated legs has now disappeared and he actually seems better in himself.
I sincerely hope you can find a way round this. if you're in the UK, I expect that is making it all the more complex.
Best wishes for some relief for you.
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
2,915
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
I really, really, really can't be doing with this. I'm at screaming point.
My shadow, my follower ... can I not have any time to myself? Are we surgically attached somehow?
It's suffocating. Yes, I know you have Alzheimer's and I appreciate that you're scared sometimes and that you need to be told when to get up and when to go to bed and what to wear and where to sit and all that goes with it but for heaven's sake .... WHAT ABOUT ME!
OK - rant over. Just needed to unload.
I might have written your post. You have perfectly described my husband and how I feel.
I have also noticed the ungodly hour you were writing it. Ranting can help us to feel a bit less under pressure, but we should try to find a way out, because our physical health and our sanity are at stake.
Do you think you can find one? You really sound so exasperated.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,578
0
I really, really, really can't be doing with this. I'm at screaming point.
My shadow, my follower ... can I not have any time to myself? Are we surgically attached somehow?
It's suffocating. Yes, I know you have Alzheimer's and I appreciate that you're scared sometimes and that you need to be told when to get up and when to go to bed and what to wear and where to sit and all that goes with it but for heaven's sake .... WHAT ABOUT ME!
OK - rant over. Just needed to unload.
Please try to begin to find a way out. This situation broke me. For two years I did not have a bath because OH never left me alone. I was reduced to going to the toilet in doggy bags hiding outside the backdoor because I could not use the toilet indoors without him harrassing me.
This is no way to live. In the end an accident, A and E etc and removal to a lovely nursing home was the way forward. I was kind of numb and; do not know what i would have done without that. There comes a time.
warmest, Kindred.
 

Janie M

Registered User
Jun 12, 2018
75
0
Oh @AbbyGee how I could have written that as my husband is exactly the same ☹️
How I have never accidentally hit him when I’ve turned round is beyond me as he’s constantly there! I spoke to the Admiral Nurse the other day and she said “ oh, he’s a rucksack then?” I wasn’t sure what she meant at first but like she said, he’s always on my back. I think that was a perfect way to describe it! It’s resulted that we’ve got him another day at the day centre so he’ll be going 3 times a week now. Just a few hours respite is the best I can get under the circumstances but I’ll take it for my sanity. Take care x
 

AbbyGee

Registered User
Nov 26, 2018
176
0
Portsmouth, South Coast
@Janie M - 'RUCKSACK" ... that's brilliant and brought a smile to my face, thank you.
We don't get anyone coming in. As we're both labelled Clinically Extremely Vulnerable I'm loath to even try and find a man-sitter right now. He does have lucid times and we've discussed finding some help. He agrees it's a great idea and says he wants me to be able to go out and meet friends etc. I'd love a bit of help around the house, too, as apart from my COPD the old Arthritis is creeping up more and more.
He's certainly not carehome-ready (sound a bit like an oven ready chicken!) but sometimes says he wishes he was in a home. I tell him he IS in a home, OUR home, and he has everything around him we've built up over the years. When I ask if he's want to give all that up the answer is a resounding no. He does sometimes question where we are and when I explain it's our home he looks surprised, bless him, as if he expected it to be some sort of hotel or B&B.
I think my original post here was simply born of a very trying day - what I call a fluffy one - where he will go over the same questions time and time again and fret about things he's unable to explain. It not always like that so we're a long way off being in the dire straights many of you are.
Thanks for all your support. It's good to share.
Onwards and upwards eh?
 

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
871
0
Basingstoke, Hampshire
I think my original post here was simply born of a very trying day - what I call a fluffy one - where he will go over the same questions time and time again and fret about things he's unable to explain.
I like that - a fluffy one. I get those too. My husband doesn't seem to fret about anything, in fact he's quite laid back about it all. But the same questions, that along with the incontinence does get me down.
The only time mine becomes a rucksack is when I go into the kitchen, he'll then follow me in. If the oven light is on he'll open the door to see what's in there, letting out all the heat. If I do manage to persuade him to leave, (it's only a very small kitchen) he'll go and sit at the table and wait to be fed.
 

Janie M

Registered User
Jun 12, 2018
75
0
@Janie M - 'RUCKSACK" ... that's brilliant and brought a smile to my face, thank you.
We don't get anyone coming in. As we're both labelled Clinically Extremely Vulnerable I'm loath to even try and find a man-sitter right now. He does have lucid times and we've discussed finding some help. He agrees it's a great idea and says he wants me to be able to go out and meet friends etc. I'd love a bit of help around the house, too, as apart from my COPD the old Arthritis is creeping up more and more.
He's certainly not carehome-ready (sound a bit like an oven ready chicken!) but sometimes says he wishes he was in a home. I tell him he IS in a home, OUR home, and he has everything around him we've built up over the years. When I ask if he's want to give all that up the answer is a resounding no. He does sometimes question where we are and when I explain it's our home he looks surprised, bless him, as if he expected it to be some sort of hotel or B&B.
I think my original post here was simply born of a very trying day - what I call a fluffy one - where he will go over the same questions time and time again and fret about things he's unable to explain. It not always like that so we're a long way off being in the dire straights many of you are.
Thanks for all your support. It's good to share.
Onwards and upwards eh?
Glad the “rucksack “ made you smile a bit! And I think I have a fluffy couple of hours most days. Unless you’re in the position we are it’s difficult for others to understand. And yes, it’s good to share and sound off. Xx
 

AbbyGee

Registered User
Nov 26, 2018
176
0
Portsmouth, South Coast
@Janie M - A rucksack is supposed to be useful and carry stuff so I roused my rucksack earlier than usual, harangued him into getting up, cleaned and dressed, then spent the day issuing 'kindly orders' such as "Please peel the potatoes and carrots." (having provided potatoes, carrots, peeler, colander and saucepan of cold water), "Please get the large white bowls from the tops shelf of THAT cupboard." (pointing to said cupboard) etc.

All in all, I ran my rucksack off his little trotters and he's gone to bed tired, happy and feeling very useful.

Although I could have done all his tasks in a moment and I cringed at the peeling efforts he seemed to enjoy what he was asked to do and even his sundowning didn't seem so pronounced. I certainly feel less stressed.

I imagine the inclusion helped him so I'm planning to try and work out some other useful tasks. How many times can the cutlery drawer be sorted, I wonder? Or what about lining up the contents of the can cupboard? Or shredding some newspaper to feed the compost bin? We may even move on to the technicalities of a dustpan and brush.

What an old B (female dog) I'm becoming!
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
2,367
0
Southampton
if it works the why not. it must be frustrating like teaching a child in easy to follow steps.with a child it stays but with a PWD its forgotten and have to go through the whole process again. i like the rucksack idea.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
576
0
I'm sure I've heard of people giving their PWD a box of screws to sort through, and you can always 'drop' them so they need sorting again, oh dear how clumsy!
I suspect the cutlery may need sorting, perhaps polishing quite regularly. A pile of cloths may need folding?
I don't think any of that makes you a b! Finding entertainment like this is genius!
 

Janey B

Registered User
Aug 15, 2019
62
0
Northwest
@Janie M - A rucksack is supposed to be useful and carry stuff so I roused my rucksack earlier than usual, harangued him into getting up, cleaned and dressed, then spent the day issuing 'kindly orders' such as "Please peel the potatoes and carrots." (having provided potatoes, carrots, peeler, colander and saucepan of cold water), "Please get the large white bowls from the tops shelf of THAT cupboard." (pointing to said cupboard) etc.

All in all, I ran my rucksack off his little trotters and he's gone to bed tired, happy and feeling very useful.

Although I could have done all his tasks in a moment and I cringed at the peeling efforts he seemed to enjoy what he was asked to do and even his sundowning didn't seem so pronounced. I certainly feel less stressed.

I imagine the inclusion helped him so I'm planning to try and work out some other useful tasks. How many times can the cutlery drawer be sorted, I wonder? Or what about lining up the contents of the can cupboard? Or shredding some newspaper to feed the compost bin? We may even move on to the technicalities of a dustpan and brush.

What an old B (female dog) I'm becoming!


@abby Gee My LO has spent two days “fully occupied” removing and replacing the knobs on our bedside drawers.
Needless to say one is missing now ! 😁
Vaguely remember something about fiddle tools you can buy?
Anybody got any experience?
 

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
871
0
Basingstoke, Hampshire
I'm sure I've heard of people giving their PWD a box of screws to sort through, and you can always 'drop' them so they need sorting again, oh dear how clumsy!
I suspect the cutlery may need sorting, perhaps polishing quite regularly. A pile of cloths may need folding?
I don't think any of that makes you a b! Finding entertainment like this is genius!
I read something along these lines some time ago and thought it was a good idea. I've tried various lines, cutlery, buttons, tea-towels etc. etc. but he didn't want to know. He just ignored anything I set him to do.
But our coffee table has a drawer in it and without any suggestion from me he started taking everything out of the drawer. He moves them one at a time, saying aloud what they are, and places them on the table. Then he puts them all back again. Over and over and over again.
And when anything goes missing I now know to look in the coffee table drawer.
 

Pots and Pans

Registered User
Jan 13, 2020
19
0
Definitely agree with the need for some PWDS to feel productive and do something useful. OH always did lots round house so still wants to help but simple clear tasks only. He is happier cleaning cutlery than, say, doing colouring books ( unless I do one too so it is shared entertainment). Does fair bit of washing up - as he always did - though it can be hard to find where things put away! Or might be washed but not dried...
Doing any DIY together good too as can provide manly strength to tighten a screw or similar. And happy to clean brushes and paint trays. Main thing I find is that he just never starts anything himself any more... whether entertainment or practical task, all has to be set up and ready to go. And I have to try and fill the day for him or he will just sit in the chair and do nothing, or fiddle with his daily bits and pieces which are all in a box by chair and are endlessly checked. God, how often does one man need to know his wallet hasn't walked away ...
 

Looseleaf

Registered User
Mar 22, 2020
30
0
Definitely agree with the need for some PWDS to feel productive and do something useful. OH always did lots round house so still wants to help but simple clear tasks only. He is happier cleaning cutlery than, say, doing colouring books ( unless I do one too so it is shared entertainment). Does fair bit of washing up - as he always did - though it can be hard to find where things put away! Or might be washed but not dried...
Doing any DIY together good too as can provide manly strength to tighten a screw or similar. And happy to clean brushes and paint trays. Main thing I find is that he just never starts anything himself any more... whether entertainment or practical task, all has to be set up and ready to go. And I have to try and fill the day for him or he will just sit in the chair and do nothing, or fiddle with his daily bits and pieces which are all in a box by chair and are endlessly checked. God, how often does one man need to know his wallet hasn't walked away ...

Oh how I relate to that and could have written it myself! Washing up is his favourite but often has to be repeated by me as he forgets to use washing up liquid etc! He also will do ironing - something he has always done - it needs to be set up for him and fortunately I am not too fussy about the results! Any interests he used to have doing jigsaws, organising photos, gardening (unless I am out there with him) have all gone!

I am always on tenterhooks to keep him occupied otherwise he will get up and say he is bored and is off for a walk. With his poor sense of direction, even locally, I have to go with him. (Great once a day!).

Thanks to my grandson whose school project is Victorians I had to get out MH's beautifully put together Family History files with his photos of the places they lived, memorabilia etc. He has no recollection of doing it or the trips he made to gather the information but is enjoying looking through them so I can 'come off the tenterhooks' for a little while !!
 

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