I'm in my 20's and my mum has dementia

Discussion in 'Younger people with dementia and their carers' started by Lyla_W, Mar 12, 2015.

  1. fraggle123

    fraggle123 Registered User

    Jul 24, 2012
    1
    Hi Lyla, I'm so sorry to read what you are going through. Im in a similar situation to you. I was 26 when my mum was diagnosed. Just about to get married, have since had a beautiful little girl. It was everything me and Mum used to talk about. She was my best friend. She's now into her 6th year of Alzheimers and in a mental health hospital as apparently no care home would take her because she can be a little aggresive. Im struggling going to see her but feel so guilty when I dont. My mum was 53 when diagnosed. I dont understand how this can happen to people so young and why has it happened to us.... our family. Its so unfair. Like you say people are there for you but really dont understand what its like and although its lovely they ask 'How's your Mum' its like I want to scream 'well she's not getting any better' that question seems so pointless but I know they mean well. My dad is my hero too and its breaking my heart to see him crumble. He cared for my Mum for 5 years, I honestly dont know how he did it. they were together at 15 and should have had the rest of their lives together like your parents. :( Have been thinking of having counselling but found this site and maybe talking to people like yourself is better than talking to a stranger that has no idea what we go through. Big hugs to you xxx


     
  2. gsingl

    gsingl Registered User

    Feb 29, 2016
    9
    London
    Hello Lyla

    I have just come across your forum whilst feeling particularly low about my own situation - my dad has bad vascular dementia partnered with Parkinson's disease, which has spiralled dramatically this past year.

    I am wondering whether you were still looking for people to chat to? I have days when I feel resilient, but many when I feel very alone with my problems - I do think we're at an age where many of our friend's parents are still in good health, so it can be very isolating.

    I'd love to hear from you - I'm a 28 year old in London too. Would be great to know/speak to people like yourself. x
     
  3. gsingl

    gsingl Registered User

    Feb 29, 2016
    9
    London
    Hi Fraggle

    Just read your post as am also weighing up starting counselling or trying to find others in my position. I'm 28 and my dad is also in a mental health hospital as we've struggled to find a 'high-management' place for him as he is also aggressive as your mum seems to show. I can't PM as I haven't submitted enough posts yet as just registered today, but would love to be in touch with others just to vent and share in my experience. Hope you might want to chat... xx
     
  4. gsingl

    gsingl Registered User

    Feb 29, 2016
    9
    London
    Hi Rosie

    Unfortunately I can't PM as I haven't posted enough replies yet, but I'd be really keen to chat as my dad is also in an assessment centre waiting for a care home that is 'high management'. Is there any way we can get in touch? Would love to hear from others going through the same as me! xx
     
  5. gsingl

    gsingl Registered User

    Feb 29, 2016
    9
    London
    Miss Merlot I can't PM yet as haven't posted enough replies, but could I get in touch as I'd love to be a part of your meet up group! xx
     
  6. AlexEJ

    AlexEJ Registered User

    Nov 1, 2014
    22
    Hi at Gsingl,

    I'm so sorry that you too are in this situation with your dad. It's heartbreaking isn't it?!
    I'm 29 and my mum went into a care home at new year as the pressure on my dad was making him ill. I too live in London and my parents live in Gloucestershire, a 3 hour drive and I feel terrible that I'm not there more than I am. Guilt hasn't been good to me and I have had nights of crying myself to sleep that my mum is in a home but, I know it's the best thing for my dad. And when I go to visit and leave her, I feel that rush of sadness and guilt again.

    How are you feeling?


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  7. gsingl

    gsingl Registered User

    Feb 29, 2016
    9
    London
    Hi Alex

    Good to hear from you - it's such a revelation that there are so many people here under 35 talking about their experience. I went back home for the weekend and although there of course are some very happy moments when surrounded by family, the reality of it all really hits me when I come back to work on the Monday, so am feeling particularly **** today!

    Yes, I have dreams where I just cry and cry and I think it's my way of letting out intense emotion that I perhaps don't/can't do during the day. I've got a super caring boyfriend, but often my brain can't switch off and at night I'll feel my worst.

    My family's up in Warwickshire, so yes it's also a shlep for me to get there. Because Dad is so unpredictable when I see him, it makes for good and then terrible days, which sometimes is just too hard to compute!

    How is your mum fairing at the care home? My dad has shown much aggression so is having to wait for a place at a 'high management' home. It's so sad to see a gentle, protective dad change so much.

    It's definitely therapeutic talking here though, as I can just vent at people who understand! xx
     
  8. BLouise90

    BLouise90 Registered User

    Apr 15, 2017
    5
    Hello,

    I was just wondering if this group is still active? I am 26 with a parent with Alzheimers. It would be great to talk to others going through the same thing! X


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  9. PhilippaL

    PhilippaL Registered User

    Apr 19, 2017
    5
    Hi BLouise90,
    I just signed up but don't know if it's still popular.. I'm 20 and my dad has had Alzheimer's for around 5 years. I'm here to talk if you're still using this! X

     
  10. DAL

    DAL Registered User

    Sep 9, 2016
    39
    Hello,

    I'm 33 and living with and caring for my Dad who was diagnosed with mixed dementia last summer. We don't have any family near (200 miles away) and I have virtually been left to deal with Dad on my own. If I didn't have my partner I think I'd go crazy!

    I know how it feels - I keep wondering when I'll be able to start a family and live with my partner but I try to take each day as it comes and not worry too far into the future.

    Hope this forum helps :)
     
  11. BLouise90

    BLouise90 Registered User

    Apr 15, 2017
    5
    Hi DAL,

    Lovely to hear from you. I'm sorry hear about your Dad. It sounds like you have a lot on your shoulders but good to hear you have a supportive partner! I completely understand re thinking about the future - it can feel like role reversal with a parent sometimes. Good advice about taking each day as it comes [emoji5] Glad to have found this forum x


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  12. nikki12

    nikki12 Registered User

    Jan 2, 2016
    2
    #52 nikki12, May 25, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: May 25, 2017
    My mum is 51 diagnosed age 49 i live in countryside and mum in carehome in london i used to live in london i know how u feel xx
     

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