I'm gutted

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
3,274
0
Hi @DesperateofDevon - that is an extremely kind offer, but as you are in Devon you are a fair way down the coast from me - 3 counties along! I am really touched that you thought of me, though.

i wish I was closer & able to help. It’s awful when you feel you can’t ask.
I hope your amazing mechanic can wave an affordable magic wand over your car ..

my own amazing mechanic has practically rebuilt my little car, she’s called Betty as she’s a beetle ( not vintage but now 16 years old) & my Dad bought her for me nearly new- so I am emotionally attached to Betty. The kids learned to drive in her (reverse her up local hedges!! Kerb the wheels etc when learning to drive) my little piece of independence & sanctuary when I need to escape & just get out. So hindsight says time to get a new- secondhand vehicle ...... but my heart says no & the fact I can’t afford to find the monies to replace her! Plus she’s almost rebuilt now!!!

so Betty & I hope your vehicle’s back on their wheels soon

(((((((((hugs)))))))))
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
I have a nice mechanic who has almost rebuilt my car - its 15 years old, so not quite as old as yours, but still pretty old and Ive had it from new - but unfortunately my mechanic has just gone on a fortnights holiday..........

Ive phoned a garage that had been recommended to me and they are going to come and recover it (it wont move because the wheels are locked) in about an hour and then they will take a look and tell me the bad news!

So I cant go and visit OH today as I have to be in to sort out the car.
 

pevensey

Registered User
Feb 14, 2012
286
0
South East Coast.
Thank you for hugs and good wished.

I got to see OH yesterday. The ward was busy, even though it was Sunday, and I didnt manage to see the doctor. My friend (or rather, the husband of a friend) gave me a lift and when I said how grateful I was told me "Its my pleasure, its what we are here for", but body language said otherwise and I was constantly aware that he was mentally clockwatching, so I felt that I couldnt hang around for long. Sister said that the doctor would phone me to get information about his neurological condition, but no-one did.

The physios arrived while I was there, so I was able to explain about his strange gait and ataxia, but was also able to explain that with his rollator he was able to walk quite a distance. They got him up using a zimmer and with a physio on either side and someone coming up the rear with a wheelchair they got him to walk 2 or 3 steps before he collapsed back into the chair.:( They think he is going to need a lot of physio.

Today Im going to try and sort out my car. I dont think I will be able to get a lift in, so Ill phone and see how he is.
@canary please make sure he gets ALL the physio he needs while he is in hospital and if when they say hes fit for discharge make sure his mobility has improved before you aggree to him coming home, otherwise you will be back to square one. IF your not happy with how his mobility is ask if he can go to a rehab unit, they are some times attached to a small care home. The rehab my hubby is at is a lovely place and hes actually happy there , which hes not at home. just sits and does nothing even though I try to encourage him at rehab they say he tries to interact with activities.They say it could be 3-5 weeks intense physio to try and get him mobile again, watch this space really I think, although the max stay there is 5 weeks I think.
Please think about that if you think they are a bit quick to discharge him Canary.I hope he is on the mend soon and he is coping ok being in hospital. Take care and LOOK AFTER YOURSELF
Relax and recuperate and try and make the most of your
YOU TIME.
 
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Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
7,342
0
Nottinghamshire
Sending strength to you @canary . What a time you're having!!

I agree with @pevensey. Now is the time to put your foot down and make sure you get all the help you need.

Maybe even a bit of strategic foot-stamping if necessary...

I hope you get some good news about the car. I've beaten both you and @DesperateofDevon - my car is 18 years old (my dad bought it for me 15 years ago when I was just divorced and very broke)
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
Car has been taken away. The garage man confirmed that it is the brakes. He said something about a spring collapsing. Im hoping its not going to be too expensive or take too long to fix.

Ive phoned the hospital they say that OH is quite bright and the doctors are on the ward. They are going to try and get someone to phone me today. Im not holding my breath.........

I hear what you are saying @pevensey and @Bunpoots . Ive been there with mum, so know the routine
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
3,620
0
I agree you need to make sure that they don't send him home too quickly. He needs to have a reasonable level of mobility or you just won't manage on your own.

We had dad home when he could hardly stand and we needed 2 of us just to get him to the bathroom. Dad had to come out because he was falling over in hospital, not really their fault but if he had stayed another week he would not have come out but dad is a different case altogether. He is quite mobile now but still wobbly after 7 months with no memory of it at all. It was blooming hard work and I could not have done it alone.

Hope they get your car sorted out. I find it somehow comforting that a whole bunch of us seem to be happy to drive around in what a lot of people would call old bangers. Mine is French and is looking forward to her 33rd birthday soon so is probably the oldest.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
The doctor has just phoned me. I was able to give a clear potted history of what has been going and when asked if I would be happy to have him home once the physios were happy I gave a cagey yes, but was pretty assertive that I would need a care package. She said they would organise it.

She also asked if I was happy to OK a DNR, which came as a shock. Im very happy to this, but before he went in no-one would have even considered it to be appropriate - he could often fool doctors into thinking that there was nothing wrong with him. Im pretty devastated


Mine is French and is looking forward to her 33rd birthday soon so is probably the oldest.
Crumbs! Is that considered vintage?
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
3,620
0
@canary I have a DNR for dad (the hospice nurse suggested it and arranged it with dad's GP) his GP came round and talked to dad about it and decided that dad really didn't have a clue and did one anyway but dad is nearly 90, very frail and is on his 3rd stent for oesophageal cancer so I absolutely agree with the decision. Dad's decline in hospital was quite shocking too be honest but he has pulled himself up since then although he will never get back to his pre-admission state of health.

If it was my husband who is 71 I would have been shocked as well but after all of his health problems over the last couple of years deep down I think it may well be appropriate for him too but I would never say that too him.

I suppose it is easier to accept if it comes from a health professional but devastating all the same. You need to take things slowly at the moment to let things sink in. I am so sorry that this has happened to you.

Yes I have classic car insurance which is good and I will drive it anywhere. It's very reliable and all parts are readily available (mostly in my garage)
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
My OH is 63, up until last week there would have been no doubt that he had capacity, so I would never had been asked about making decisions for him and it would not have been deemed appropriate for someone at his stage.
Also, dont forget that he does not have a diagnosis of dementia - only MCI............. (although Im sure its some form of dementia)

This is a VERY big change
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
7,195
0
Nottinghamshire
Oh @canary I hope that they get to the bottom of what has caused this sudden decline or at least sort out the UTI pronto. I'm sure you are assertive enough not to have your husband back home until you are happy with a care package.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
3,620
0
Yes 63 is rather young
My OH is 63, up until last week there would have been no doubt that he had capacity, so I would never had been asked about making decisions for him and it would not have been deemed appropriate for someone at his stage.
Also, dont forget that he does not have a diagnosis of dementia - only MCI............. (although Im sure its some form of dementia)

This is a VERY big change

That is a huge shock at 63 especially with that diagnosis, I am really sorry that this has happened @canary and I hope that he improves very quickly.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,443
0
Kent
Your husband has suffered a massive change canary, no wonder you are shocked.

It is said there are many forms of dementia. Only a few years ago FTD wasn't always diagnosed in some patients. Is it possible your husband has a form not easily diagnosed? I know this will be of no help but it could be an explanation.
 

Dimpsy

Registered User
Sep 2, 2019
1,906
0
What a devastating blow @canary, it seems very impersonal and cold-hearted for a doctor to ask for a DNR decision during a phone call.
It's not the end of the road yet. XX
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
What a devastating blow @canary, it seems very impersonal and cold-hearted for a doctor to ask for a DNR decision during a phone call.
It's not the end of the road yet. XX
I have a feeling that it was more a question of they knew I wouldnt be in today because of the car and they thought it was necessary to have that consent.
 

Dimpsy

Registered User
Sep 2, 2019
1,906
0
I have a feeling that it was more a question of they knew I wouldnt be in today because of the car and they thought it was necessary to have that consent.

Would they let you have time to consider? it's such a huge decision to make about your beloved husband, they have really caught you between a rock and a hard place.
Damn that broken car.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
Oh, Ive already said that I give my consent. OH and I had that talk last year and Ive seen what CPR can do, so there was no doubt what my answer would be.
I just hadnt realised that we had got to that stage
 

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