1. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,585
    If I’m close you can ask me for a lift - my little cats back on her wheels & road worthy!
    I promise I won’t clock watch....
    I hate it when words say one thing but body language says another!
    Don’t want to give moderators palpitations - it’s a horrible negative feeling, when you are at your low points .... really doesn’t cut the mustard!!!!

    sending big ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
    Please message me if I can help, the distraction from my own situation &ability to help someone in a positive way would be gratefully appreciated!
    Xx
     
  2. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,698
    Female
    South coast
    Hi @DesperateofDevon - that is an extremely kind offer, but as you are in Devon you are a fair way down the coast from me - 3 counties along! I am really touched that you thought of me, though.
     
  3. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,585
    i wish I was closer & able to help. It’s awful when you feel you can’t ask.
    I hope your amazing mechanic can wave an affordable magic wand over your car ..

    my own amazing mechanic has practically rebuilt my little car, she’s called Betty as she’s a beetle ( not vintage but now 16 years old) & my Dad bought her for me nearly new- so I am emotionally attached to Betty. The kids learned to drive in her (reverse her up local hedges!! Kerb the wheels etc when learning to drive) my little piece of independence & sanctuary when I need to escape & just get out. So hindsight says time to get a new- secondhand vehicle ...... but my heart says no & the fact I can’t afford to find the monies to replace her! Plus she’s almost rebuilt now!!!

    so Betty & I hope your vehicle’s back on their wheels soon

    (((((((((hugs)))))))))
     
  4. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    558
    @canary, I hope this week gets better from now on, that you get your car fixed and manage to talk to the relevant doctors at the hospital.
     
  5. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,698
    Female
    South coast
    I have a nice mechanic who has almost rebuilt my car - its 15 years old, so not quite as old as yours, but still pretty old and Ive had it from new - but unfortunately my mechanic has just gone on a fortnights holiday..........

    Ive phoned a garage that had been recommended to me and they are going to come and recover it (it wont move because the wheels are locked) in about an hour and then they will take a look and tell me the bad news!

    So I cant go and visit OH today as I have to be in to sort out the car.
     
  6. pevensey

    pevensey Registered User

    Feb 14, 2012
    194
    Female
    South East Coast.
    #66 pevensey, Oct 14, 2019
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2019
    @canary please make sure he gets ALL the physio he needs while he is in hospital and if when they say hes fit for discharge make sure his mobility has improved before you aggree to him coming home, otherwise you will be back to square one. IF your not happy with how his mobility is ask if he can go to a rehab unit, they are some times attached to a small care home. The rehab my hubby is at is a lovely place and hes actually happy there , which hes not at home. just sits and does nothing even though I try to encourage him at rehab they say he tries to interact with activities.They say it could be 3-5 weeks intense physio to try and get him mobile again, watch this space really I think, although the max stay there is 5 weeks I think.
    Please think about that if you think they are a bit quick to discharge him Canary.I hope he is on the mend soon and he is coping ok being in hospital. Take care and LOOK AFTER YOURSELF
    Relax and recuperate and try and make the most of your
    YOU TIME.
     
  7. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,153
    Nottinghamshire
    Sending strength to you @canary . What a time you're having!!

    I agree with @pevensey. Now is the time to put your foot down and make sure you get all the help you need.

    Maybe even a bit of strategic foot-stamping if necessary...

    I hope you get some good news about the car. I've beaten both you and @DesperateofDevon - my car is 18 years old (my dad bought it for me 15 years ago when I was just divorced and very broke)
     
  8. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,698
    Female
    South coast
    Car has been taken away. The garage man confirmed that it is the brakes. He said something about a spring collapsing. Im hoping its not going to be too expensive or take too long to fix.

    Ive phoned the hospital they say that OH is quite bright and the doctors are on the ward. They are going to try and get someone to phone me today. Im not holding my breath.........

    I hear what you are saying @pevensey and @Bunpoots . Ive been there with mum, so know the routine
     
  9. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,586
    I agree you need to make sure that they don't send him home too quickly. He needs to have a reasonable level of mobility or you just won't manage on your own.

    We had dad home when he could hardly stand and we needed 2 of us just to get him to the bathroom. Dad had to come out because he was falling over in hospital, not really their fault but if he had stayed another week he would not have come out but dad is a different case altogether. He is quite mobile now but still wobbly after 7 months with no memory of it at all. It was blooming hard work and I could not have done it alone.

    Hope they get your car sorted out. I find it somehow comforting that a whole bunch of us seem to be happy to drive around in what a lot of people would call old bangers. Mine is French and is looking forward to her 33rd birthday soon so is probably the oldest.
     
  10. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,698
    Female
    South coast
    The doctor has just phoned me. I was able to give a clear potted history of what has been going and when asked if I would be happy to have him home once the physios were happy I gave a cagey yes, but was pretty assertive that I would need a care package. She said they would organise it.

    She also asked if I was happy to OK a DNR, which came as a shock. Im very happy to this, but before he went in no-one would have even considered it to be appropriate - he could often fool doctors into thinking that there was nothing wrong with him. Im pretty devastated


    Crumbs! Is that considered vintage?
     
  11. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,586
    @canary I have a DNR for dad (the hospice nurse suggested it and arranged it with dad's GP) his GP came round and talked to dad about it and decided that dad really didn't have a clue and did one anyway but dad is nearly 90, very frail and is on his 3rd stent for oesophageal cancer so I absolutely agree with the decision. Dad's decline in hospital was quite shocking too be honest but he has pulled himself up since then although he will never get back to his pre-admission state of health.

    If it was my husband who is 71 I would have been shocked as well but after all of his health problems over the last couple of years deep down I think it may well be appropriate for him too but I would never say that too him.

    I suppose it is easier to accept if it comes from a health professional but devastating all the same. You need to take things slowly at the moment to let things sink in. I am so sorry that this has happened to you.

    Yes I have classic car insurance which is good and I will drive it anywhere. It's very reliable and all parts are readily available (mostly in my garage)
     
  12. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,698
    Female
    South coast
    My OH is 63, up until last week there would have been no doubt that he had capacity, so I would never had been asked about making decisions for him and it would not have been deemed appropriate for someone at his stage.
    Also, dont forget that he does not have a diagnosis of dementia - only MCI............. (although Im sure its some form of dementia)

    This is a VERY big change
     
  13. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    558
    Oh @canary I hope that they get to the bottom of what has caused this sudden decline or at least sort out the UTI pronto. I'm sure you are assertive enough not to have your husband back home until you are happy with a care package.
     
  14. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,586
    Yes 63 is rather young
    That is a huge shock at 63 especially with that diagnosis, I am really sorry that this has happened @canary and I hope that he improves very quickly.
     
  15. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,700
    Kent
    Your husband has suffered a massive change canary, no wonder you are shocked.

    It is said there are many forms of dementia. Only a few years ago FTD wasn't always diagnosed in some patients. Is it possible your husband has a form not easily diagnosed? I know this will be of no help but it could be an explanation.
     
  16. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,698
    Female
    South coast
    Yes, Im sure that is what is happening.
    Four years ago I was told that he had FTD, but then last year I was told that it wasnt. I wish they could find out what it is.
     
  17. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,153
    Nottinghamshire
    ((((Hugs))))) @canary. It’s all been so sudden.
     
  18. Dimpsy

    Dimpsy Registered User

    Sep 2, 2019
    341
    Female
    What a devastating blow @canary, it seems very impersonal and cold-hearted for a doctor to ask for a DNR decision during a phone call.
    It's not the end of the road yet. XX
     
  19. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,698
    Female
    South coast
    I have a feeling that it was more a question of they knew I wouldnt be in today because of the car and they thought it was necessary to have that consent.
     
  20. Dimpsy

    Dimpsy Registered User

    Sep 2, 2019
    341
    Female
    Would they let you have time to consider? it's such a huge decision to make about your beloved husband, they have really caught you between a rock and a hard place.
    Damn that broken car.
     

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