1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

I'm going on holiday..why can't I relax?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by saskia, Jun 15, 2018.

  1. saskia

    saskia Registered User

    Aug 10, 2015
    North Essex
    Hi all

    It's been ages since I've posted..so hope everyone is doing 'ok'.
    Mum's been in her CH for a year now..following being sectioned & a 3 month stay in a secure hospital.

    Her CH is fabulous ..staff are caring, mum's has put on over a stone ( she was under 7 stone ..so this is fab) & 70% of time, mum is settled, knows it's her home now( or a fancy hospital!) She still asks to go home or ' out' most visits ..but as we do take her out every weekend.i understand why.

    So why do I feel so so guilty that I am going away next week, abroad for 7 nights.??

    Mum will get a visit from my brother & her friend goes once a week..however since mum's been in the CH, we seemed to have developed this real bond. When i see her her face lights up, & the staff say she spends the days saying ' my daughter will come today' ..

    I know she is safe..i know she will be ok..its me.

    Why do we wear this guilt necklace so heavily .

    & my poor hubby..his dad is in hospital awaiting surgery for a heart bypass & hubby is facing a redundancy situation...this holiday is the first on our own in 6 years ...we need it for our sanity!

    Thank u for reading ..just wanted to put this out there..

    Sas xx
  2. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    N Ireland
    Enjoy your holiday. No need for guilt, you deserve it.
  3. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    Oh you do deserve that holiday!
  4. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    Why not send her a picture postcard every day while you are away?
    The carers can read them out to her, she can look at the pictures and know that she has not been forgotten

    Have a lovely holiday.
  5. Hair Twiddler

    Hair Twiddler Registered User

    Aug 14, 2012
    Middle England
    Please don't wear that necklace heavily.
    I too had a holiday with my hubby not long after mum went to live in a care home (too much for me, I wasn't coping, my best just wasn't good enough - eventually I said it all out loud )
    Anyway... what I really wanted to suggest is a game.
    Going on holiday with hubby when we had loads to say but found it difficult to open up and actually do it was nigh on impossible...however (thanks to our son) I took along a game (yes I know how this sounds but bare with me). It's called "Marrying Mr Darcy" .( online from Am..zon) .. girly sounding I realise but even Mr HairTwidler says it's good.
    You can play with 2 people but most importantly it gave us time together when we didn't "have to have those big talks" just to relax and enjoy.
    All best wishes.
  6. father ted

    father ted Registered User

    Aug 16, 2010
    Hi Saskia,

    Just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel! My Mum in care home for 6 months. Staff are lovely and Mum has settled well. I am an only child so unfortunately she does not get many visitors. Initially lots of people dropped by to see her but that has all stopped and I understand they have busy lives too and it's not their Mum. I go with my daughter every couple of days. One of her sitters goes once a month and and another relative who lives a long way away goes every 3 months.
    This week I have an awful cold and have not visited for 6 days as would not wish to pass it on to any residents.
    But does make me feel bad as the sitter said when she goes my Mum always asks if I am going to see her and talks about me a lot.
    Later this year have a week away booked too and am trying to organise visitors in my absence.

    Please have no guilt because there is no need it is a useless emotion. Be thankful that the arrangements you have put in place are working well. We are both lucky that our Mum's have settled well and have thrived where they are. Have a great time away.
  7. saskia

    saskia Registered User

    Aug 10, 2015
    North Essex
    Thank u all for your lovely responses ..had a lovely a lovely day with mum....she told me not to get burnt!

    I'm flying Monday morning..will visit father in law in hospital & then mum tomorrow..good job I've packed!

    Love to everyone living with what I think is the worst illness ever .

    Sas xx

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