1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

I'm floundering ..........

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Hilary K, Apr 17, 2008.

  1. Hilary K

    Hilary K Registered User

    Jan 15, 2008
    7
    Halifax
    Hi - This is my first time on Talking Point so please excuse me if I don't know what I'm doing!

    After spending 16 weeks in hospital, my Mum has just moved into the new dementia wing of a nursing home. She is suffering from vascular dementia and is extremely unhappy and distressed. She hates being in a "home" and can't understand why she needs to be cared for 24 hrs a day.

    Her recognition function is extremely bad so she can't read, watch tv, do a puzzle, do her embroidery. The staff are trying to find something to entertain her but her concentration is extremely bad.

    She loves seeing her family but can't remember visits afterwards and can't look forward to ones we've planned.

    She was only diagnosed last November and I'm finding it so hard to accept that I can't make her life okay!

    Last night she was barricading herself into her room "so her family couldn't get in".

    How can I accept that my Mum, who has spent her life looking after my Dad, my brother and me, is so distressed all the time? I want to repay her some how but everyone is advising me to try to accept there's nothing more I can do.

    This is really, really terrible.
     
  2. pinkjandt

    pinkjandt Registered User

    Apr 11, 2008
    25
    hampshire
    Hello Hilary

    I am so sorry you feel so low at the moment, have you tried music
    to calm your mum,whatever her favourite type of music,it soothes.

    Just think what would she be saying to you if she was still able.

    I am sure it would be .Live your Life.
    take care
    Jan
     
  3. Hilary K

    Hilary K Registered User

    Jan 15, 2008
    7
    Halifax
    Thank you

    Hi Jan

    Thank you for your kind words and your suggestion. It's one we haven't tried. I'll speak to my Dad tonight.

    You're right. The other week she had a snap shot of lucidity and tried to tell me not to "lose" myself. I knew what she meant. Bizzarely it is because I KNOW exactly what she would say if she was well that makes me want to help her in any way I can, except I can't. It isn't within my power!

    It's just so cruel but I feel a bit better now.

    Thanks again,

    Hilary
     
  4. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    1,669
    NZ
    Hi Hilary

    It is hard isn't it. You really hate to see your Mum distressed.

    I would also say that enjoy your visits where you can. You do find at the start that they are traumatic but keep going. Things do generally settle although it can take months.

    My Mum improved greatly when I started taking her out once she was fitter (she was admitted to the NH from the hospital after emergency surgery). She seemed to realise then that she could still do things.

    You will eventually find a balance with your own life and that of your Mum's. It takes quite a bit of time. But it will come. Take time for yourself, to gather your thoughts and enjoy a bit of "me" time. Find a friend you can talk to, who is understanding. For talking, I found, really helped me.

    (((hugs)))

    Mameeskye
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.