After taking care of my grandmother for about six months, we had to have her rushed to the hospital with anemia, and almost lost her. While she was there, she had a bedsore that I'd been fighting debreeded, and we learned that it had tunneled and so now she's been in the hospital for about two months. I'm expecting her to come back home in a few more weeks, and I'm really nervous about taking care of her again. She is very hard to deal with, even the nurses at the Extended Care Unit have just thrown their hands up in trying to deal with her on some days, and they've told me time and again they don't see how I handle her by myself. We get along well, but I'm worried about going back into the old routine, you know the one, where I have no life, I worry all the time, I get up to turn her and have no sleep any more, I live to serve again. I love her so much, and I want to do the right thing, but after two months alone, I guess I'm spoiled. I miss her, but I don't miss being yelled at all the time, or having to constantly change diapers because she refuses some days to use the potty chair. I don't mind giving baths, or doing for her, but she's so difficult and cruel sometimes, and I have no one to give me a break...everyone just thinks, Oh, Beth can do it all. And I'm just not looking forward to going back to that life again. Am I just a mean selfish person, or what???I mean, it wouldn't be so damn bad if someone would give me a day off here and there, but now their saying that I'm not even going to be able to continue going to practice with my band anymore, and that was only for a few hours once a week. No one in my family will help, they all say they're too busy, that they have lives, and understand, my family all lives near her.
So I'm left just holding the bag. And this just sucks sometimes. If I didn't love my grandmother so much and not want her in a nursing home, I'd just mutiny and leave. I guess I am just a bitch.
Beth
So I'm left just holding the bag. And this just sucks sometimes. If I didn't love my grandmother so much and not want her in a nursing home, I'd just mutiny and leave. I guess I am just a bitch.
Beth