I'm feeling lost - Again

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Steve698, Oct 16, 2016.

  1. Steve698

    Steve698 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2012
    15
    Hi all,
    I lost my Dad to Alzheimer's in 2013 it was the most painful process of my life watching my big strapping Dad deteriorate into a withered old man not knowing who any of his family were, the aggression, the incontinence, the confusion etc etc. Now my wife and I find ourselves having to go through it all again this time with her Mum. She started acting strange after the death of her husband in 2012, she dealt with it but in her own way. After that her sister pretty much moved in with her and things were ok until 2014 her sister then passed away from cancer. After that she just fell apart, Alzheimer's took a hold and now we don't know where to turn. The last year has got gradually worse until the point we are now that she can not be left on her own. She walks out of the house at all times of day and night, she wanders around talking about her mother coming to get her, collecting pegs and thinking they are house keys, insisting we take her to her own home and screaming and getting aggressive when we say we can't on the weekends we have her at our house. She keeps going into the kitchen and emptying the contents of the cupboards - looking for the washing powder because "no one else can work the machine".
    Problem is she has 3 children (my wife and boy and a girl twins) the twins hate each other and won't even speak most of the time, using my wife as a go between. My wife and her brother both want their Mum looked after in a home, knowing she is safe and also knowing that they can't cope trying to hold down full time jobs while dealing with this. The girl twin on the other hand will not entertain her Mum going into a home even though she has very little to do with her care. What do we do as we can't force my wife's mum into a home against her will and the will of evil twin but know she is in danger if left in a 3 bed house on her own ( she could fall down the stairs, fall in the garden at night in the cold weather, set light to the place anything). My wife gets no sleep whenever she stays over at her Mum's then has to get up and drive 30 miles to work, do a day's work then drive 50 miles back to our house at night, that in itself worries the life out of me. Then we are all left with feelings of guilt when we find ourselves really disliking my mother-in-law at times. Sorry that went on a bit, had to get some of it off my chest.
     
  2. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    5,835
    I'm sorry your going through more turmoil Steve, I've no advice except Do any of you have POA or deputyship ?
     
  3. Ellaroo

    Ellaroo Registered User

    Nov 16, 2015
    161
    Liverpool
    I was fortunate if thats the word to be able to care for my mum in my house. She has lived with me for 7 yrs . Its been so difficult but i have given up work and rely on widows pension and mums income.

    Id contact social services and social worker will discuss options available.
    Thoughts are with you x
     
  4. Steve698

    Steve698 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2012
    15
    No unfortunately not
     
  5. Steve698

    Steve698 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2012
    15
    All siblings had a meeting with social services last week - it finished with evil twin stating to them that she thought my wife was physically abusing her mum, they saw through that nonsense and told her to contact the police if she believed that to be the case - she didn't. She also has had mental health issues of her own (a breakdown at 18 years old, now late 40's). My wife's brother said she was talking rubbish. The meeting ended with social saying they may think about installing a monitor to alert if MIL was to walk out in the night, as much use as a chocolate fireguard, as they were throughout my dad's journey.
     

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