1. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    Since my Mum has been in the NH, I've been the only person to visit her, apart from the Church Secretary and one or two friends or relations who've come with me. This afternoon, Mum's neighbour for 30 years rang me to ask how Mum was, which was the first time, since I saw her at Christmas. She said she'd like to visit, but didn't have transport, so could she come with me one day. I visit two or three times a week, but she was going to be busy on every day I suggested, so we left it for now.
    Then she asked me if I knew any where she could park the caravan they're planning to buy, as she'd already tried the local registered caravan parks. We've actually got a large paddock for our pony, and rent a field for our horse, but planning regulations forbid the use of agricultural land for caravans. I think she was hoping we'd let her leave the caravan on our land!
    I do feel she's let Mum down, as a phone call to see how she is, or a card sent to the Home wouldn't be too much trouble. We gave her quite a few nice things from Mum's house too, including some garden furniture so I think she could have made arrangements to visit, especially as there is a train service there.
    It is almost as if people think that dementia might be catching, so they'd better keep away. I'd love someone else to visit Mum without me needing to go along as well.
    Kayla:confused: :confused:
  2. perfectpatience

    perfectpatience Registered User

    Oct 3, 2006
    Hi Kayla. I certainly know that feeling too well when it seems nobody can face visiting my mum...but will ring up and ask when Iam visiting...and either can they have a lift...or meet me there. Just once I would love someone to go when Iam not there..so Ive got a little peace of mind knowing mum has another visitor apart from me.

    The lady you say who wants to visit (but probably will never get to go) seems the type that only puts herself first....and even down to ringing you asking about your mum...still really only wanted to know if you might be able to know somewhere (your rented field) so she can park her caravan.
    Sometimes Kayla it takes an illness in the family to defantly sort out the ones we thought we knew and understood... are not really all 'that' after all.

    In my case people have said to me that alot of my relations are going to have 'guilty consciences' if anything happens to my mum. All I know is like you...Ive done the utmost best for my mum....and if they cant even visit once or twice....that says it all. Best wishes . Love PP xx
  3. nicetotalk

    nicetotalk Registered User

    Sep 22, 2006
    Hi kayla

    sorry to hear about your mum, i dont understand what it is with people who just dont seam to care in a way we would think they would. My mum had lived in her street for 30 odd years and ask if anyone of the neighbours or frinds came to see how she was. I sit hear and think sometimes maybe it to painful for them maybe they wont know what to say but i see it like this if one of my close friends had been struck with any kind of illness i would be the first to call and see them. Maybe people are afraid of what they dont understand i dont know. As for your mums neighbour well tell her to caravan off ha ha. You take care and iam sure your mums know the people that are most important to her.

  4. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    my mum has no visitors except me and dad, and brother, i'd love to know where all her friends have disappeared to i also get stopped with people enquiring after her, i tell them its perfectly ok for them to visit her whenever they want so far no one has taken me up on my offer!!
    it makes me so mad as my mum was a good friend to them they seem to have forgotten that, you can bet when she passes away they'll all turn out for the funeral becouse they were her best friends.
    i believe what goes around comes around and they too will one day need a friend like my mum.
    take care all x
  5. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    Yes, so many people ask her neighbours what happened to her and then blame us for not inviting them to the funeral. They could have popped in sooner if they'd wanted to see her alive.

    Other relatives who cared nothing about me when I was ill or when my mother was ill suddenly want to know me again when they get age-related illnesses and want me to travel to visit them.

    One aunt deliberately moved far away from her children to avoid baby-sitting now expects everyone to travel all that way now she can't travel any more.


  6. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    Sadly, I wouldn't even count on that Donna! My dad lived in the same street for nearly 50 years and none of the neighbours turned out for his funeral, which was within easy walking distance!

    Two of my mum's sisters and their husbands didn't stay for the wake as they had had a disagreement with my sister and I over my mother's care! They weren't even honest enough to admit that that was the reason - they made flimsy excuses. If they had a problem with my sister and me then that wasn't my mum's fault and they should have been there to support her! Another of my mother's sisters didn't come because her husband had a hospital appointment!

    Several of my colleagues from work who had never met my dad (apart from one) DID come and that was much appreciated.

    My so called brother came and I wished he hadn't!
  7. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    I have no time or patience for anyone who doesn't visit someone because 'they don't like to see them like that' or 'they don't know who I am anyway, what's the point?'

    I find visits to my mother hard and painful and sometimes don't go as often as I should. As one of the people closest to her it is more painful to me than most, but it is not my feelings that are important.

    I also think it is important if someone is in residential care or hospital that they are visited regularly so that someone other than staff is keeping an eye on them.

    My mother's brother visits her quite regularly when she is in hospital but never when she is in a home!

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