1. clarethebear

    clarethebear Registered User

    Oct 16, 2007
    197
    manchester, uk
    Hi E1

    Hope you are all keeping as well as can be.

    Wow where has the last week gone?? Think I'v just been in a daze.

    Not been having such a good time of things. I'v been there for the family and have let them vent off with me, which I don't mind because it takes my thoughts away from myself. I think my son has taken it worse than I thought, but then again I don't think I really knew how he would take it all.

    He keeps talking about Nanna B and that she is up in the clouds with his friends :confused:. The other day he told me that next time he gets really ill he wants to go upto the clouds to be with his Nanna B :eek: I told him that would be a long time yet. There are two sides to Jack at the moment 1) is when he is really good and gives me kiss's and cuddles all the time and 2) when he has tantrums. This tantrums have got really bad over the week, he had such a bad tantrum the other day he gave himself a nose bleed (his blood pressure must have gone through the roof to cause it). I'm just putting it down to him missing Nanna B and hopefully he will get back to being himself soon.

    The last couple of days I just keep crying at everything and anything. I was in the supermarket the other day and saw the sweets I use to get my Nanna when we went on visits and had to stop myself from bursting into tears. I think I'm slowly realising that no I won't see her again or cuddle her again but then I think at least she's in no pain now.

    I just miss her so so much, but then again I feel she is still with me. Just so :confused:.

    Take Care
    Clare:)
     
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,438
    Dear Clare

    That's soemthing I've noticed myself. Since my mother died it's not the big stuff that has caused the tears to flow, it's the small incosequential things. I think a lot of it is do to be being (ir rather not being) on your guard. When you're coming up to a major anniversary, say, you're sort of watching yourself, and then something that happens on a mundane run to the supermarket takes you by surprise. It is, as you say, very early days yet.

    Love
     
  3. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Jenniferpa
    you are so right.
    Tonight I was preparing my evening meal.
    I counted out two roast potatoes for me and two for Peg.
    Like a knife in my heart I remember, I don't have my Peg any longer.
    A little thing but still a heatbreaker.
    Norman
     
  4. nickyd

    nickyd Registered User

    Oct 20, 2007
    146
    warwickshire
    Hi Clare,
    It is the most awful feeling isnt it, sooo....painful, almost like an ache in your heart! Well, its been 11 wks since Mum passed, and some days I feel okish, other days, wham.. it hits me, and I have an overwhelming sense of loss. My girls, are 14, 11 and nearly 5. My 11year old is struggling the most, she is very angry and frustrated. I've suggested talkin on TP, I think it could help her. I'm turning into a bitter and twisted person at times, dunno if thats part of it aswell, who knows. Hope today is a good day for you, if ever you want to PM me, feel free, we can have a good moan together, maybe it will help us..
    Anyway, Chin up and take good care.
    Love, Nicky xxx
     
  5. zonkjonk

    zonkjonk Registered User

    potatoes

    norman....words fail me....
    you are such a strong man
    such heartfelt posts
    I so admire your resilience
    thinking of you in your kitchen,preparing your potatoes
    its all too hard
    your loss is devastating
    One should not have to prepare a meal without immesurable pain.
    but...one must.and does.
    I am so sorry, wish I had the words
    But then again, there are no words.
    I just previewed my post and noticed i was rattling on about words....sorry
    I will post anyway
     
  6. Tina

    Tina Registered User

    May 19, 2006
    420
    The little things

    Yes, there are lots of those little things that catch me unawares, in the middle of something else...

    A look at a photograph; seeing familiar handwriting on cards and letters and knowing I won't be getting any cards and letters like that any more; I was looking for curtains in a store when I was in the UK not so long ago and thought suddenly my aunties would have gone shopping with me had they been here; watching the birds in the garden and remembering how Aunty Jean and Uncle Harry loved watching them in their garden; writing Christmas cards and not putting familiar names on the envelope any more. Christmas music in a department store got me the other day...remembering going to carol services or listening to Christmas hymns at home while baking cakes and mince pies when I was in the UK for Christmas.

    I lost another aunty to cancer almost four weeks ago, and now I'll be writing my uncle and cousins a Christmas card without my aunty's name in the address, although of course I will mention her on the card. So hard to find the right words.

    There are days, however, when I remember and smile, too. While sometimes the pain is pretty overwhelming and all I can think of is that my special people are no longer here and the memories of happy times make me so sad, there are times when I find great comfort in the memories because those good times made my life so much richer and I am so grateful for every single one of them.

    Thinking of you all who are missing loved ones.
    Tina x
     
  7. my little girl

    my little girl Registered User

    Aug 23, 2007
    35
    Burnley
    It is the little things

    Those of you who have said that the little things are what remind you of a loved one are soooooooooo right. My Grandma was called Alice & when she died my mum remembered that her favourite song had been an old music hall song called "Alice Blue Gown" cos it had her name in it! I had never heard it until after she died but when I got engaged a month later, I was sitting with my now husband when I suddenly heard the tune & burst into tears. He asked what was wrong cos everyone in the restaurant was staring at me & I told him to listen to what was playing. I ran out of the room, into the toilets and screamed!
    When I told my mum the day after she told me that Grandma was sending me a message that she was happy for me & was with me on that night, would walk beside me on my wedding day and indeed would always be with me in spirit. Occasionally I have heard that song since & it gives me comfort that she is around. Once you can look at things in the same way my mum taught me to the little things may be upsetting but they are also comforting at the same time
     
  8. clarethebear

    clarethebear Registered User

    Oct 16, 2007
    197
    manchester, uk
    Hi My Little Girl

    That was lovely. What a wonderfull way of looking at it. Your story brought tears to my eyes.

    I feel as if my Nanna is still with me and maybe thats why I still can't beleive she has gone.

    Hope e1 is keeping well.

    Take Care
    Clare:)
     
  9. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi My Little Girl

    I love your story about Alice Blue Gown. You're right, it's he little things that get to you, and music is particularly emotive.

    When my daughter died, I couldn't go into a shop that was playing Christmas carols, because she loved Christmas.

    Christmas shopping was very hard for a long time, and I still get depressed at that time of year.

    I've found the song for you, the lyrics are here:

    http://www.mudcat.org/@displaysong.cfm?SongID=187

    and you can download the song here:

    http://secure1.mppglobal.com/ishop/...e-Gown-Music-Download/268685/ProductInfo.aspx

    Love,
     
  10. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Alice Blue Gown

    One of my husbands earliest memories. He has a photo of himself at an aunties wedding and he sang this song there and got a handful of pennies-which his father promptly took off him! He thinks he was about 3 at the time. Clare -so sorry about your Nanna-but Alice Blue Gown is still there thanks to her-and like the song-your Nanna will live on in memories... God Bless x and thanks for the memory Gigi
     

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