Mum died 8 weeks ago and I'm really worried about my sister now. I was sad when mum died and miss her a lot, but feel 'okay' in myself and in many ways am relieved that those last difficult years are over. But my sister is still in a real state. She and her teenage kids have been to stay with me for Christmas and she has been crying all the time and seems depressed, saying that since mum died she can't see the point in getting up in the morning and carrying on with life. I'm worried about her and so are her children (the older one is normally away at uni but the 15 year old lives with her). We don't live very near each other but are in touch a lot by phone. She's had a difficult time in the last 16 months - separated from her partner, moved into a rented flat, had her hours of work reduced, got money worries, eldest left for uni, and she's got MS. Up til mum died she's been coping really well and has always seemed a strong person, but it's almost like mum's death has opened a floodgate. I'm not sure what I need to do to help and would really welcome suggestions and views. Maybe this would be better posted on a bereavement site, but TP is the only forum I know.
I'm coping but my sister isn't.
- Thread starter MirandaT
- Start date
Miranda-it is perfectly OK to post on TP. You are with friends so people will be only very glad to give advice.
You and your Sister have had a lot to put up with and we all react differently after a loved one's passing as I'm sure you know; maybe your Sister hadn't acknowledged the other things that had gone on in her life and she is doing that now. It's possible that your Mum's passing is now allowing her to grieve not just for her, but also for a broken relationship, a loved child flying the nest etc. Her physical problems won't be helping either.
Would she consider counseling? It may help if she is willing to try. Also make sure she is receiving all the benefits she is entitled to.
Take care and please give us an update if possible
Love
Lyn T XX
You and your Sister have had a lot to put up with and we all react differently after a loved one's passing as I'm sure you know; maybe your Sister hadn't acknowledged the other things that had gone on in her life and she is doing that now. It's possible that your Mum's passing is now allowing her to grieve not just for her, but also for a broken relationship, a loved child flying the nest etc. Her physical problems won't be helping either.
Would she consider counseling? It may help if she is willing to try. Also make sure she is receiving all the benefits she is entitled to.
Take care and please give us an update if possible
Love
Lyn T XX
Dear Miranda,
I'm sorry to hear of your sad loss of your Mum.
It sounds as though your sister has had many difficult things to cope with in the last 18 months, any one of which would be challenging by itself, and therefore it isn't really surprising that losing Mum on top of it all is proving very hard for her.
That she is saying she can't cope is a cry for help. Could you encourage her to see her GP to talk to them about it? The GP might be able to offer her medication, or access to counselling, or at least be another listening ear. She sounds as though she needs more support right now, and obviously you can only help so much with not living very close, but your phone calls will help, especially as you care and understand her difficult life now topped up with bereavement.
Sometimes it just is a matter of time for a person to work through their feelings of loss, and we all react differently. But it can be that there are additional steps which can ease that process. Good luck x
I'm sorry to hear of your sad loss of your Mum.
It sounds as though your sister has had many difficult things to cope with in the last 18 months, any one of which would be challenging by itself, and therefore it isn't really surprising that losing Mum on top of it all is proving very hard for her.
That she is saying she can't cope is a cry for help. Could you encourage her to see her GP to talk to them about it? The GP might be able to offer her medication, or access to counselling, or at least be another listening ear. She sounds as though she needs more support right now, and obviously you can only help so much with not living very close, but your phone calls will help, especially as you care and understand her difficult life now topped up with bereavement.
Sometimes it just is a matter of time for a person to work through their feelings of loss, and we all react differently. But it can be that there are additional steps which can ease that process. Good luck x
, I offer my condolences on the loss of your mum,, , your sister has had a dreadful time, its not surprising she has become so down...Could you find any support workers for the family, what about the MS society, and her 15 yr old, (male/female?)are they your sisters carer as she has MS, there is a young carers group , the family would benefit from the support that is out there, but you do have to ask for it.. the support I have had is so important, just to chat to someone who understands and listens, knowing people are there for you, extra help with a lot of things, I also sometimes go to a woman's centre drop in, you can get some healing therapies as well, it does all help...I think that you are a fantastic support for your sister, and I do hope she can get some peace and happiness....xxx
Thanks for these suggestions everyone! I should've said that she hasn't so far been badly physically affected by her MS, but has problems with speech and working things out which has slowed her down a lot. She now needs help thinking things through and making decisions so she tends to talk everything through with me. It sounds a bit like early Alzheimer's, but it isn't really, thank goodness. I'm hoping she will go to a doctor soon and she has an appointment with a counsellor later in the month.
A weekend away together sounds a good idea - I think I might benefit from that too - I've been putting a brave face on things so far and getting on with practical things but some space to relax and talk with my sister sounds lovely. Over the past six years we've lost my brother, my dad and now my mum, so we've grown very close as we're all that's left of our original family. We're lucky to have kids, and lots of cousins who are very supportive. Here's hoping things get better soon! Thanks TP.
A weekend away together sounds a good idea - I think I might benefit from that too - I've been putting a brave face on things so far and getting on with practical things but some space to relax and talk with my sister sounds lovely. Over the past six years we've lost my brother, my dad and now my mum, so we've grown very close as we're all that's left of our original family. We're lucky to have kids, and lots of cousins who are very supportive. Here's hoping things get better soon! Thanks TP.
A weekend away sounds like a brilliant idea. Take a funny movie with you to play too as laughter is a great stress reliever. A women's support group came to my mind, does the MS Society run one of those close to where your sister is? In most support groups you can talk about anything so bereavement issues would come up and maybe if there is a social worker present sh/he might put your sister onto someone who could give her more help than you, also in a bereaved state, can provided. Good wishes for both of you, I know how hard this can be.
Sue.
Sue.
My condolences on your loss.
What an amazing sister you sound. I do hope you have found comfort in the very good advice posted here. I wish you & your sister peace & hope for the future xx
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What an amazing sister you sound. I do hope you have found comfort in the very good advice posted here. I wish you & your sister peace & hope for the future xx
Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
