im confused

[dmc]

hi everyone

not sure there is a answer to this question, but i'll say it anyway
mum has been in a dementia hospital for a few months now she's just recovered from two UTI's which has really knocked her for six, anyway she hasnt really spoken a lot, most of it not much sense when she does speak, but last week clear as anything when i asked her if she was ok she said "no donna im feeling really depressed", and then silence again, she again mentioned she felt depressed to my dad and that she wanted to come home at another visit,
i have mentioned this to the staff nurse on duty at that time and she said oh your mums fine when your not here its probably just becouse you remind her of home,
now i dont know what to think, i want to help my mum i hate the fact she's feeling that depressed and asking for help and im not doing anything, or do i just ignore her and listen to the nurse my gut feeling is of course to take it further.
is it normal for someone who's supposed to be in the middle to later stages of dementia ( according to the doctors) to understand theyre feeling depressed?
has anybody been through this situation any advice would be gratefully recieved
take care all x

 

[Áine]

hi donna ......... just scrapped the reply i was writing to you because i realise i can't quite think straight to express waht i was trying to say. will maybe try again later ... but wanted to let you know that i was thinking of you.

 

[Lila13]

The chances are you know your own mother better than the staff nurse does.

She may be putting on a brave face and a good performance in front of "professionals" and only showing her real feelings to those closest to her.

 

[rummy]

HI,
I agree with Lila. You must follow your gut instinct, besides, what can it hurt to have her assessed for depression? It would be sad for the little congnisance that is left to be spent depressed. If there is help for it, why not pursue it?
Hope everything works out.
Debbie

 

[Kathleen]

I agree with Lila and Rummy

You know your Mum better than the nurses do, so follow your instincts, if she says she is depressed, she probably is.

We all put on a different front to strangers, in my own experience those we love and trust are the ones we open up to.

I would speak to the nursing staff and doctor again.

Kathleen

 

[Libby]

Hi Donna

I read your thread and immediatley thought of my mum - although she's never said that she's depressed, when I've looked at the link Nadia gave, I can see so much of my mums behaviour there. We've always put it down to the AD so now I'm quite confused.

A sad, hopeless or irritable mood for much of the time
Increased anxiety
A loss of interest or pleasure in activities that were once enjoyed
Feelings of low self esteem, worthlessness or undue guilt
Feelings of isolation and of being cut off from other people
Sleep disturbance, such as early waking
Problems with remembering, concentrating or making simple decisions
Slowing down in mind and body, or increased agitation and restlessness
Eating too little or too much, and weight loss or gain
Aches and pains that appear to have no physical cause
Thoughts of death and suicide.​

Mum has suffered from all of these, but we expected her to be sad when Dad died, but then she forgets he's died, then remembers, then forgets, then remembers and it's all new to her all over again, so it's as if she's suffering a bereavement every day. This is what we've always put her sadness and anxiety down to.

After reading the link, I'm going to speak to my brother and possibly arrange for the doctor to go and see mum in the home.

staff nurse on duty at that time and she said oh your mums fine when your not here its probably just becouse you remind her of home,

We get this at the home and tend to believe what the staff say - but I'm not sure if that's because we want to believe it.

Can you contact your mum's doctor Donna - even a phone call to them may make you feel better.

Thanks for the post and take care

Libs

 

[Margarita]

After my father died doctor put my mother on ant depression tablets. then mum was in the early stages of AD but no new then ,then when in Gibraltar mum had brain scan and was told she had AD the consultant stop mum ant depression tablets and gave her medication for AD . Ant depression tablets do help some people me personally have never been a great believer in them because of the side effect.

I know it is different with your mum Donna . I find There no Logic with Dementia so your mum saying she depressed she is and if you feel ant depression tablets would be of help to your mother for the time left you have with her go for it get them for her xx

 

[Lila13]

Remember when parents weren't allowed to visit children in hospital because "it upset them"?

My mother attributed some of her own depression and death wishes to her own long times in hospital, not visited, when too young to understand. ("My Mummy went away and left me.") And then in old age reverted partly to that stage, that was one reason why I was determined to visit as much as possible.

Lila

hi everyone

not sure there is a answer to this question, but i'll say it anyway
mum has been in a dementia hospital for a few months now she's just recovered from two UTI's which has really knocked her for six, anyway she hasnt really spoken a lot, most of it not much sense when she does speak, but last week clear as anything when i asked her if she was ok she said "no donna im feeling really depressed", and then silence again, she again mentioned she felt depressed to my dad and that she wanted to come home at another visit,
i have mentioned this to the staff nurse on duty at that time and she said oh your mums fine when your not here its probably just becouse you remind her of home,


l x

 

[dmc]

hi everyone
thanks so much for the replies,
after visiting my mum last night, i decided to talk to the senior nurse in charge about mum, and apparently he and some of the other staff had noticed my mums depressed mood and mentioned to the consultant two weeks ago, that perhaps she ought to be put on a antidepressant, but for some reason he wouldnt
however the nurse is going to speak to him again this week and advise that perhaps my mum would benefit from some kind of medication.
the consultant only comes around every fortnight so it always takes two weeks for anything to be done regarding changing of meds.
hopefully they can give her something to lift her mood, we have to wait till thursday but i'll let you know the outcome.
what i cant understand is if i hadn't said anything they would have let the situation just go on and thats just not good enough.
take care all xx

 

[Áine]

hi donna ........ i understand what you're saying about depression and medication. it might be worth finding out why the consultant didn't want to put mum on anti-depressants though. sometimes they can be helpful, but i wonder if many people are too optimistic about what they're able to do. dad was tried on an anti-depressant for a few weeks, and he went completely off his head with it. i thought it was the dementia getting worse, but he was so much better once he was off it. i think you're absolutely right to question the consultants decision, but it could be that she has some good reasons for not trying it.

best wishes

Áine

 

[dmc]

hello áine

hope your ok?

the nurse i spoke to couldnt understand himself why the consultant didnt put mum on antidepressants but he's having the meeting with him thursday so perhaps he can give a reason then as to why he wouldnt/couldnt put her on them.
i didnt visit tonight but dad said she didnt respond to anything she didnt speak at all and just kept staring at the floor, i just hope they can sort something out for her.

thanks for your reply x
take care

 

[dmc]

update

hi all

just a quick update,
the consultant has agreed my mum needs antidepressants and she starts on them tomorrow.
hopefully we should see a improvement! if not then im afraid we'll have to put it down to the dementia, fingers crossed it works
bye xx

 

[Margarita]

My fingers are cross I think you have to give it 6weeks to work I may be wrong ?

 

[dmc]

i think you might be right margarita, it does take a while to work, but if its a good improvement it will be worth the wait
xx

 

[Áine]

the consultant has agreed my mum needs antidepressants and she starts on them tomorrow. hopefully we should see a improvement!

hope this helps her donna. like margarita says though, they take a while to kick in. they usually reckon about 3 weeks to have any effect ...... and more to have the full effect. it's possible that they've started her on a low dose (just to be on the safe side) and can up it if it doesn't seem to have adverse side effects. it's also worth remembering that the first thing to change with anti-depressants is usually that the person taking them has some unpleasant side-effects (dry mouth, nausea, fuzzy head etc) ..... they kick in a lot more quickly than the desired effects, and often but not always wear off fairly quickly.

best wishes
Áine

 

[dmc]

hello áine

yes thanks for that, i think perhaps i might be pining to many hopes on these tablets working for her,
i suppose im praying that it is depression and not the dementia thats making her like she is at the moment,
grasping at straws i think is the saying
well only time will tell i suppose so watch this space, im sure there'l be another update
take care xx

 

[Áine]

i suppose im praying that it is depression and not the dementia thats making her like she is at the moment,

yes, of course you are. unfortunately, as i learned with dad ..... once he was on several medications .... is that the other possibility apart from how she is being caused by depression or dementia, is that how she is is caused by one of the medications she's on, or some part of the combination of several medications. and since people with dementia (and depression) can be quite changeable in how they are from day to day, and because it takes some medications quite a while to get into and out of ones system ........ it becomes unbearably impossible to work out what is causing what sorry, i don't want to be a wet blanket with this .... it's possible that your mum will respond well to this medication ... if there wasn't a good chance that she would they wouldn't have put her on it. my dad did seem to have horrendous problems with medication ........ and they never did find anything that suited him or made anything any better.

 

[dmc]

hi áine

no your not a wet blanket at all i value all posts its good to see both sides, anyway.
i agree totally with what you say about the meds mum is on so many it is hard to know where the meds stop and my mum starts, but like you said he must think they were at least worth trying otherwise he wouldnt have prescribed them.
time will tell i suppose.
thanks for the advice x

 

[jenniferpa]

As a well medicated depressive, something I will mention is that although several weeks are often mentioned to reach full efficacy, actually, for most people you will see some change (if there's going to be a change) within a few days. It may be necessary to take a few weeks to get the dose right, but you may well see an improvement within 2 or 3 days. It can be quite dramatic.

Jennifer