im at the end of my tether

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Ann-marie, Feb 9, 2007.

  1. Ann-marie

    Ann-marie Registered User

    Dec 24, 2006
    26
    just before christmas my gran ended up being put in a care home for her own safty by social services..........im her main carer and she gone out with her sister for the day and she made some accusations and they rang social services a social worker acme out to them and put her in a care home ...the day after the accusations proved to be unfounded ...i wasnt told where she was for 5 days them when i finally got to see her she was in such a state ...shes had a bad fall just 2 hours after arriving at the home .......well since then shes had a nother 5 falls the last one resulting in a trip to the casulty department .....i wasnt even told about this as i only found out about it because her sister rang and told me the next morning............the home had rang her the night before to let her no ......so now my gran had 2 black eyes a bruise on the bridge of her nose a graze on her forhead a cut on the back of her head and various bruises......plus shes got another cheat infection about the 3rd on since shes been there........i fed up of complaining to staff and nothing being done ....i just get told that its the dementia .....well if i can stop her from falling when i care for her by myself why cat a fully staffed nursing home .......when i cant get to see her i ring up to ask how she is and all you get is shes fine well i know shes not fine ......shes got a new social worker from the community mental health team and hes started to make arrangments so she can come home but its just taking so long and im really worried that shes going to end up badly hurt or worse ......when she had the last fall id only left her an hour before
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,649
    Kent
    Dear Ann-marie, If you are your Gran`s main carer, you really should have been informed when she was taken into care. Perhaps it was because she was with her sister at the time.

    You sound very distressed and I`m really sorry you are so worried anbout her. The one saving grace is her new social worker who is in contact with you.

    Keep letting him know how anxious you are. He might be able to hurry things up a bit for you.

    I hope everything is sorted out soon.

    Love Sylvia x
     
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Ann-Marie

    I'm sorry you're so worried about your gran. It must be awful to see her suffering and feel you can't do anything about it.

    Have you told the NH officially that you're your gran's primary carer, and want to be informed if she has a fall, or if anything else happens? It could be that they don't realise. You should have it put on her notes.

    Have you also contacted the new SW? It's so difficult when you're so young, to get people to realise that you want to take responsibility.

    Let's hope you get something sorted soon. Let us know how you get on.

    Love,
     
  4. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,418
    Hi Ann-Marie

    You may feel that you're being cut out of the loop because of the situation, but I have to say, the NHS is not, in my experience, particularly forthcoming with information in ANY situation. I have had similar experiences (including falls and no notification) when my mother has been in hospital, and I'm her ONLY family member. In fact, last time, I'd got myself all geared up to go to the solicitor to find out how to force them to discharge her (although this was not a case of sectioning) when they called to say she was being discharged.

    All I can say is hang in there and be a pest: you may not get anymore info, but at least you'll know you've done all you can.

    Love

    Jennifer
     
  5. Ann-marie

    Ann-marie Registered User

    Dec 24, 2006
    26
    well my gran sister just rang me to tell me my grans had yet another fall and is at the hospital again ......... the person who rang my gran said they would be in trouble now and there would be an investigation ...........we have a meeting with the social worker on wednesday .......i just hope she home soon
     
  6. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #6 Margarita, Feb 10, 2007
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2007
    Does your grandmother get around with a Zimmer frame?

    I am wonder as she has had so many falls, if anything like my mother if I don’t have eyes behind my heard in the morning I find my wondering around without Zimmer frame. I stayed in same room as mum last night as my daughter who does not live with me stayed the night so sleep in my bedroom , they I was laying on settee mum got up with Zimmer frame to go to toilet then return without Zimmer frame , whizzing fast into room nearly tripping forward on bed .

    My point is I feel with my mother its like she has got a determination to walk without Zimmer frame , its like she forgets that she needs it , or wants to prove that she does not need it , but she really does , or does not want to brother me as in calling me every time she needs to go to the loo , but it seem with mum that she getting to that point , because If did not understand about dementia AZ , when I saw mum walking so fast pass me as I lay down I would say she pretending that she can not walk with out Zimmer frame . I was also thinking if I don’t keep an eye on her she going to have a fall one day in the future .

    Make sure if your Gran mother does come home you get the OT to see if you need any adaptation to your home and any walking aids your grandmother needs when she is at home with you.


    As since living with mum for the past 5 years I have seen her walking go down hill have a few falls and I was with her when she fall , and we all know its only going to get worse
     
  7. Ann-marie

    Ann-marie Registered User

    Dec 24, 2006
    26


    no margarita my grans not got a zimmer ........shes not suppose to walk around unattended as her balance is terrible ......she saw an o/t and p/t at the hospital when she had a stroke and they decided that because she couldnt understand instructions she wasnt safe with any aids ........she just needs constant suppervision

    the hospital are keeping her in this time ........i still dont know how bad she is as the ward doctor hadnt seen her when i rang
     
  8. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #8 Margarita, Feb 10, 2007
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2007
    Are you thinking up a plan in how you are going to provide 24/7 around the clock care for your grandmother when you take her home, I am just saying this as if your not self funded, I know from my area SW do not pay for night time care oh yes they pay some day care , maybe that’s why (I am thinking ) that SW want to keep your grandmother in care home , because she at that stage .

    Getting your grandmother in out bath, or walk in shower in your home is going to be hard if they have not done the adoption, and your not going to be able to do it alone, even with the help of a career it can be very tiring (sp) I do hope you are looking at your grandmother future care at home with you realistically and not from an emotional point. I hope I don’t sound rude in saying that.

    That’s why I say a plan , so when you go to the meeting with social workers , they you , can do an assessment on your grandmother care at home and how its going to be proved and pay for ( that aways come in it) better then a care home , / nurseing home .Even thought you think that care home is not proveding it now
     

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