Dear Karen,
I am so sorry you are going through this, the whole "Home" process has become an issue for me once again, now that we are looking at them for respite for my Mum. I think it's even worse having been through the system once already. I know I sang the praises of some of the staff at Dad's Home, and this is not to belittle their input into caring for him, but why do I feel like we're entering into battle?
It wouldn't be so bad if there were just a
few bad apples but why should we
have to do our homework, read CSCI reports or visit to catch them out? There should be no hesitation in our minds that "these places" have the highest standards that can be provided. (Oh, and please don't start me about money. When my parents have worked and contributed all their lives.....)
I'm not sure why this feels different to the time we were looking for Dad to become residential. Perhaps it was because we could see no alternative. When Dad became aggressive we just could not deal with his behaviour and we had to make the best of it. Now that Mum has had a stroke and is being looked after by my sister, we find ourselves in the position of looking for respite. It is "just" for a few weeks a year, (but who knows if/when that will turn into residential for Mum too?) and yet I despair that Homes all seem the same. They are pleasant enough when they are selling it to you on the initial visit, but actually the "chain" are really all about achieving targets and maximising profits with skeleton staff. How can we ever trust that Mum will be looked after properly and why
should we just "make the best of it"?
I could be talking about hospitals too. I cannot fault the brilliant medical treatment that Mum received, let's face it she wouldn't be here now if it weren't for those amazing doctors and nurses, but if we had not visited, as you say Karen, as often as we could, I'm fairly sure Mum's recovery would have been delayed. Same with Dad, we went into visit him one day, and another visitor told us
she had helped Dad to eat some of his food the night before.
..and here I am telling my sister "I know it's not ideal, I know these places aren't like being at home, but it is only for a few weeks a year, and like I said she may even enjoy some of it." I wish I could believe what I'm saying!
Perhaps I shouldn't be bitter but I despair when I see others going through all this unnecessary additional hassle and stress too, when all we want is a good standard of care for our loved ones.
Perhaps tomorrow I will be back to "making the best of it" but now in the early hours I feel pretty helpless. Sorry I can't help Karen. x
I wonder if someone clever can set up a section on here for us all to add our comments regaring what makes a perfect home. And we can perhaps put the end result before an appropriate government minister for consideration.
Great idea Margaret.
