I know, I know, technically this is a poem and maybe doesn't belong here - but it is the only way I can express tonight the torment of the last few hours ... Mum had a few hours this afternoon between her sister leaving the NH and me foolishly taking my son along to visit her thinking all was fine - sadly he saw both mine and my mother's distress ....... we came away with mum tucked up in bed for the night, peaceful for having seen us .... but with me determined she will not stay ...... I was so overwhelmed with all the fussing (and relief?) 48 hours or so ago .... what I have seen since (perhaps more importantly NOT seen in terms of any staff being around) ..... and my mother's distress ....... well, I've tried to look at it from her point of view ......
I didn't ask to be dressed
Nor sit in the day room ..
With folk being sick
And no staff around to even notice
I'm tired and ill and want to lay peaceful in my room
With nothing to worry about
But who may visit next ..
Or to simply watch the same things on my own TV as I might do at home
Don't expect me to take my protein drinks
In front of a plasma screen
Amongst a circle of strangers
Many of whom need more help than me ......
And I don't want bingo on a Thursday night
because by the time it's played
I'm already ready for bed
And the noise through the corridor
disturbs me
And the cot bumpers make me feel safe and secure at night
But when I need release just to go to the bathroom
I'm afraid I can't always remember that
It's the orange button I must press to get help
And when I've managed no more than a spoonful of jelly yesterday
And done well just to get some fluid down
Please don't expect me to eat a sandwich
And then to leave it curling at me in an overheated room ...like a venomous snake threatening my infected throat
I'm sorry it takes so long for me to sit on the loo
But yesterday we were promised a special seat
Just like the one we have at home
But it never came ....
Like staff never did ....
When I am practically immobile and just stuck in a chair
But I can't shout for help because my voice is too weak
And if I could only reach that orange button when I can remember what it's meant for ....
We already said we didn't want the laundry
My daughter always does that for me
And now is no different
And if you thought that tatty cardi you brought from the laundry was mine
Well, I'm ashamed ...
I may not have my mind
But I have my pride and a certain style
Even if I do forget to brush my hair sometimes and need a prompt ...
No designer labels - just a dash
Of panache
How sad those residents don't have a visitor to still help them achieve some self-esteem ......
And I'm sorry my daughter got cross today
But she understands I have a water infection too
And need lots of fluids ...
So one cold cup of tea left standing was a huge disappointment
But to see two - and that the earlier one hadn't even been removed ....
Well, it's little things like that set her off ....... you see ....
She tells me it gives a bigger picture ....
That's why she would have asked to see the fluid chart
Only in spite of the medical notes
You hadn't done one had you?
You see, my memory might be gone
But I still know when things are not right
Just I can't do much for myself anymore
Which is why my daughter does the shouting ....
But don't worry, because I know she'll have a plan
To kidnap me ........
I have GOT to get my mother out of there ....... (a highly recommended, very expensive care home we have lucked upon through the hospital referral) ....... please God... some how I can get through the next week ... suppport my son in important exams ..... but I am determined mum will be out of there this time next week ... to hospital if necessary - but hopefully home - and somehow, someway I will keep her there unless medical intervention dictates otherwise.
Sorry to be so down - but these places and my mum just don't 'go' ........nor can I see that they ever will .......
Karen, x
I didn't ask to be dressed
Nor sit in the day room ..
With folk being sick
And no staff around to even notice
I'm tired and ill and want to lay peaceful in my room
With nothing to worry about
But who may visit next ..
Or to simply watch the same things on my own TV as I might do at home
Don't expect me to take my protein drinks
In front of a plasma screen
Amongst a circle of strangers
Many of whom need more help than me ......
And I don't want bingo on a Thursday night
because by the time it's played
I'm already ready for bed
And the noise through the corridor
disturbs me
And the cot bumpers make me feel safe and secure at night
But when I need release just to go to the bathroom
I'm afraid I can't always remember that
It's the orange button I must press to get help
And when I've managed no more than a spoonful of jelly yesterday
And done well just to get some fluid down
Please don't expect me to eat a sandwich
And then to leave it curling at me in an overheated room ...like a venomous snake threatening my infected throat
I'm sorry it takes so long for me to sit on the loo
But yesterday we were promised a special seat
Just like the one we have at home
But it never came ....
Like staff never did ....
When I am practically immobile and just stuck in a chair
But I can't shout for help because my voice is too weak
And if I could only reach that orange button when I can remember what it's meant for ....
We already said we didn't want the laundry
My daughter always does that for me
And now is no different
And if you thought that tatty cardi you brought from the laundry was mine
Well, I'm ashamed ...
I may not have my mind
But I have my pride and a certain style
Even if I do forget to brush my hair sometimes and need a prompt ...
No designer labels - just a dash
Of panache
How sad those residents don't have a visitor to still help them achieve some self-esteem ......
And I'm sorry my daughter got cross today
But she understands I have a water infection too
And need lots of fluids ...
So one cold cup of tea left standing was a huge disappointment
But to see two - and that the earlier one hadn't even been removed ....
Well, it's little things like that set her off ....... you see ....
She tells me it gives a bigger picture ....
That's why she would have asked to see the fluid chart
Only in spite of the medical notes
You hadn't done one had you?
You see, my memory might be gone
But I still know when things are not right
Just I can't do much for myself anymore
Which is why my daughter does the shouting ....
But don't worry, because I know she'll have a plan
To kidnap me ........
I have GOT to get my mother out of there ....... (a highly recommended, very expensive care home we have lucked upon through the hospital referral) ....... please God... some how I can get through the next week ... suppport my son in important exams ..... but I am determined mum will be out of there this time next week ... to hospital if necessary - but hopefully home - and somehow, someway I will keep her there unless medical intervention dictates otherwise.
Sorry to be so down - but these places and my mum just don't 'go' ........nor can I see that they ever will .......
Karen, x