I'm a Princess, Get me Out of Here!


Registered User
Mar 6, 2007
Wigan, Lancs
Hi Karen,

Have been away and just catching up. So sorry about your Mum's deterioration and that respite care has proved to be anything but a respite for you. We are just at the stage when we are considering respite care for my Dad.

Keep throwing those tantrums, you and your Mum deserve the best care.

Margaret W

Registered User
Apr 28, 2007
North Derbyshire
Just reading all these posts, some of which apply to my mum (and even to me - I can't eat if a plate of food is overflowing), I wonder if someone clever can set up a section on here for us all to add our comments regaring what makes a perfect home. And we can perhaps put the end result before an appropriate government minister for consideration.

Someone mentioned today about staff taking the time to get to know residents. When mum first entered the care home, she was allocated a Key Worker. It turns out to have been a part-time kitchen assistant! No-one knows anything about my mum. My mum might not be the most dynamic person in the world, but she is my mum. She used to love the Cinema and Dancing, she won a scholarshhip to a secretarial college but her family couldn't afford for her to go. She worked her way up as a supervisor at Woolworths before she was 25. Nobody knows that. She once was a person. I think I'll try a poem on that theme, no good at poetry at all.

So perhaps a moderator can think of arranging a forum where we can place our thoughts on the ideal home for our rellies.

Cos none of us seem to have got one.




Registered User
Mar 16, 2005
Dear Karen,

I am so sorry you are going through this, the whole "Home" process has become an issue for me once again, now that we are looking at them for respite for my Mum. I think it's even worse having been through the system once already. I know I sang the praises of some of the staff at Dad's Home, and this is not to belittle their input into caring for him, but why do I feel like we're entering into battle? :eek:

It wouldn't be so bad if there were just a few bad apples but why should we have to do our homework, read CSCI reports or visit to catch them out? There should be no hesitation in our minds that "these places" have the highest standards that can be provided. (Oh, and please don't start me about money. When my parents have worked and contributed all their lives.....) :mad:

I'm not sure why this feels different to the time we were looking for Dad to become residential. Perhaps it was because we could see no alternative. When Dad became aggressive we just could not deal with his behaviour and we had to make the best of it. Now that Mum has had a stroke and is being looked after by my sister, we find ourselves in the position of looking for respite. It is "just" for a few weeks a year, (but who knows if/when that will turn into residential for Mum too?) and yet I despair that Homes all seem the same. They are pleasant enough when they are selling it to you on the initial visit, but actually the "chain" are really all about achieving targets and maximising profits with skeleton staff. How can we ever trust that Mum will be looked after properly and why should we just "make the best of it"?

I could be talking about hospitals too. I cannot fault the brilliant medical treatment that Mum received, let's face it she wouldn't be here now if it weren't for those amazing doctors and nurses, but if we had not visited, as you say Karen, as often as we could, I'm fairly sure Mum's recovery would have been delayed. Same with Dad, we went into visit him one day, and another visitor told us she had helped Dad to eat some of his food the night before. :(

..and here I am telling my sister "I know it's not ideal, I know these places aren't like being at home, but it is only for a few weeks a year, and like I said she may even enjoy some of it." I wish I could believe what I'm saying!

Perhaps I shouldn't be bitter but I despair when I see others going through all this unnecessary additional hassle and stress too, when all we want is a good standard of care for our loved ones.

Perhaps tomorrow I will be back to "making the best of it" but now in the early hours I feel pretty helpless. Sorry I can't help Karen. x :confused:
I wonder if someone clever can set up a section on here for us all to add our comments regaring what makes a perfect home. And we can perhaps put the end result before an appropriate government minister for consideration.
Great idea Margaret.


Registered User
Sep 27, 2006
At a recent meeting of our LINks organisation, I found out that the young woman sitting next to me who worked for the local authority was in charge of contracts with local nursing homes/emi units!! She reviews these places on behalf of the local council and has 'clout' because she can renew contracts and put stipulations within contracts if this is felt necessary. I practically begged her to allow me to be in on these reviews and now hope and pray that she will indeed use me. What wouldn't I give to be able to inspect such places from a carer's point of view and have some positive input into licking them into shape!!

In the private sector, there are shareholders to appease and there has to be a profit. If the profit is made by employing the bare minimum of care workers, then so be it! CSCI inspections seem to be only interested in upholding very basic, minimum standards and reading their reports is no help when we are looking for a good care home. CSCI let let us down consistantly. They do have the powers to close a home down but the logistics of doing this mean that it is only in exceptional cases that this could ever be considered. They also have the powers to recommend changes and revisit. We don't want homes closed down but we do want better than minimum standards as normal. We want good care for our loved ones.

Lets hope that I do get on the LA review process and that we carers who have actual experience of the problems, can have some input with the 'powers that be'.


Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Tina, you have a lot to be proud of. If anyone can turn a negative into a positive it is you.
With love and tremendous respect xx


Registered User
Jul 31, 2007
I have been reading a report highlighting opportunities for improving standard of Dementia care in care homes.
It is from the Alzheimer;s Society called Home from Home.
If you can get a copy it is well worth reading.
It covers so many of the issues that Carers raise here on T.P.