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I'm a new member desperately seeking advice!

Snedds

Registered User
My dad has dementia but the type has not been confirmed yet. His behaviour is infuriating and disturbing. I have been up most of last night trying to explain to him he was in his own house and he had no recollection that his mum was dead. My dad is 70 and my mum is his carer, I don't live at home so its constant calls and its really getting to me and my mum. Can anyone give me advice? It would be much appreciated!
 

Bill Owen

Registered User
Feb 17, 2014
182
67
BRIDGEND
Socel worker

my dad has dementia but the type has not been confirmed yet. His behaviour is infuriating and disturbing. I have been up most of last night trying to explain to him he was in his own house and he had no recollection that his mum was dead. My dad is 70 and my mum is his carer, i don't live at home so its constant calls and its really getting to me and my mum. Can anyone give me advice? It would be much appreciated!
you need a socel worker.sorry about the spling im dislix.my wife has lewy body dementia. And have a socel worker which helps a lot. Will give you good advice.
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,730
hi there and welcome
Does your mum have any help at all with your dad?

She can ask for a carers assessment from social services (this will give her a few hours to herself when they put in a 'sitter' to be with your dad) and an assessment for your Dad for things like a day centre, carers or whatever they/you/your mum thinks will help the situation. Phone the duty desk at your council adult care services and ask for an assessment.

Is she getting attendance allowance for him - needs to apply for the higher rate is she is caring day and night? It is non means tested.

Good idea to phone the local carers organisation and ask for help - they will probs send someone round who will be much more helpful that social services and help her with all sorts of local information and also with form filling - google your area with carers organisation. There is probably a lot going on that you don't know about yet and there is a lot of help out there.

Lastly but not least PLEASE have a look at this
http://www.alz.org/greaterdallas/documents/CompassionateComm.pdf

it is no good reasoning with your Dad - it won't help and it will make everyone frustrated and he is probably talking about his parents because he is afraid, losing your memory is a VERY scary place to be and that sometimes triggers people to talk about their childhood and a safe place to be.

Good luck, lots of help and support on here never be afraid to ask ANYTHING! take care and keep posting xx
 

Snedds

Registered User
Thank you

you need a socel worker.sorry about the spling im dislix.my wife has lewy body dementia. And have a socel worker which helps a lot. Will give you good advice.
We are waiting on social work contacting us, I guess I shall have to approach them if they don't get in touch soon! Thank you so much for your advice, much appreciated.
 

Kevinl

Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
4,771
Salford
It's possible he has an infection of some sort, that usually makes the condition much worse. The most common is a UTI but any type infection can cause it, even dental infections. Get the doctors to do a blood and urine test to see if that's the cause.
K
 

chris53

Registered User
Nov 9, 2009
2,929
London
Hello Snedds, firstly a warm welcome here to Talking Point, so sorry you are all having a bad time at the moment, sadly dementia can upset our lives and it's hard at first to adjust, however there is always the physical health of our loved ones which they find hard to explain, a big problem that can cause this behaviour can be constant urine infections so could your mum get dad to the doctor? or arrange for a home visit to rule this out? failing that a telephone consultation with the doctor?the constant phone calls indeed will wear you out so if possible(and it does not cause too many problems with your mum) could you leave your answer machine on for a while? mum will need an aseessment by social services and they should be able to provide some much needed practical help for both mum and dad.
I do hope you manage to rest tonight.
Take care and keep posting.
Chris
 

Snedds

Registered User
Thank you

hi there and welcome
Does your mum have any help at all with your dad?

She can ask for a carers assessment from social services (this will give her a few hours to herself when they put in a 'sitter' to be with your dad) and an assessment for your Dad for things like a day centre, carers or whatever they/you/your mum thinks will help the situation. Phone the duty desk at your council adult care services and ask for an assessment.

Is she getting attendance allowance for him - needs to apply for the higher rate is she is caring day and night? It is non means tested.

Good idea to phone the local carers organisation and ask for help - they will probs send someone round who will be much more helpful that social services and help her with all sorts of local information and also with form filling - google your area with carers organisation. There is probably a lot going on that you don't know about yet and there is a lot of help out there.

Lastly but not least PLEASE have a look at thi

it is no good reasoning with your Dad - it won't help and it will make everyone frustrated and he is probably talking about his parents because he is afraid, losing your memory is a VERY scary place to be and that sometimes triggers people to talk about their childhood and a safe place to be.

Good luck, lots of help and support on here never be afraid to ask ANYTHING! take care and keep posting xx
Thank you so much for your advice. We are currently waiting on social work to contact us regarding assessment but I shall have to get in touch myself. My mum can't get carers allowance as she's 68 and no longer qualifies. I shall keep in touch and a huge big thanks to you. This has helped me a great deal xx
 

Snedds

Registered User
Good idea

Hello Snedds, firstly a warm welcome here to Talking Point, so sorry you are all having a bad time at the moment, sadly dementia can upset our lives and it's hard at first to adjust, however there is always the physical health of our loved ones which they find hard to explain, a big problem that can cause this behaviour can be constant urine infections so could your mum get dad to the doctor? or arrange for a home visit to rule this out? failing that a telephone consultation with the doctor?the constant phone calls indeed will wear you out so if possible(and it does not cause too many problems with your mum) could you leave your answer machine on for a while? mum will need an aseessment by social services and they should be able to provide some much needed practical help for both mum and dad.
I do hope you manage to rest tonight.
Take care and keep posting.
Chris
Thank you for the advice. We are in limbo at the moment with social work referal just waiting not so patiently for them to contact us. I will pass this info onto my mum who I know will be extremely grateful for everyone's help. I will post again as soon as I have an update. Thanks again.
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,730
Thank you so much for your advice. We are currently waiting on social work to contact us regarding assessment but I shall have to get in touch myself. My mum can't get carers allowance as she's 68 and no longer qualifies. I shall keep in touch and a huge big thanks to you. This has helped me a great deal xx
Hi Snedds welcome. Not carers allowance, attendance allowance - she can claim that
 

angelface

Registered User
Oct 8, 2011
1,085
london
Please dont wait for SS to contact you - keep ringing and nagging till you get their attention.

Its very easy to go to the bottom of the in tray if you sit quietly. Tell them all the things that are happening, and that your mum cant cope

SS are busy,so the quiet ones get overlooked .