Im a little Mad as well as upset

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by elwoodlpool, Nov 7, 2007.

  1. Hi all,

    I thought id bring you all up to date as usual im mad busy with the band but ive been really really depressed and down. So ive seeked help and started with a psychiatrist but on top of that ive been really battling again with my depression but the main thing is ive steered clear of getting drunk to solve my problems.

    I had a call last night and Mum is now progressed even more lost her mouth function now and my sister says she looks so thin now its really bad, even the doctors are now saying her medication is now failing to work and also for her to get any food it all has to be in liquid form. There also on about fitting a tap in her stomach. I said to my partner last night i wish she was out of this misery and with my nan and grandad again. Am i a bad son for saying this ?

    Hope your all ok

  2. Les

    Les Registered User

    Jun 23, 2004
    Hello Mark. Hugs to you - this is such a hard time for you. You are not a bad son. I can't speak for anyone else, but I think like this all the time, in reference to my father, who has AD. And I know I'm a caring daughter. I think it's completely normal to wish to end a loved ones suffering. My dear Dad would be thinking the same for me, should the situation be reversed.
    Well done for not turning to drink. It's so easy to do, and I know how much strength it takes to face your worries - so feel proud of yourself. It will be easier one day soon.
  3. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    Having been thru similar with my Mother the very last thing she would have wanted was peg feeding or a tap in her stomach

    Hard as it is there comes a point where actually its infinitely kinder to allow them to slip away peacefully
  4. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    Hi Mark

    Just a quick line to say that I totally agree with the above responses.

    My Mum is still comparitively fit & well, physically, for 88yo and only mid-stages of AD - but if she were to have a fatal heart attack today (given the circumstances and what is yet to come) I would consider it a mercy.
    I'm also sure that (if fate had given HER the choice) my practical, intelligent Mum would have said the same.
    Sorry to anyone who may find my attitude unacceptable, I speak only for myself.
  5. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    Hello Mark,
    As previously stated - we do not want our loved ones to carry on suffering but to pass in peace. My husband at the beginning of A.D. and mild strokes, had a document drawn up, no resussitation, organ donation, brain to A.D. Research.
    The docments are with Hospital, E.M.I. Unit, Doctor. Although I may want our loved one with us as long as possible, when they get to the final stage as my husband is in, I have to respect his wishes.
    Take care and good news about the drink - well done.
    Best wishes. christine
  6. Thank you all

    Thanks for the nice comments, Im back on tour as of today off to Croydon tonight then on too High Wycombe i feel really mad when i say to myself wait a minute my mum is only 52 and how come her illness is going so quick. Is it different with people ?

    Thanks again

  7. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Mark

    I am so pleased that you are at long last getting some professional help, give it time, Rome wasnt built in a day.

    Its also great to hear that the band is doing so well, mum would be very very proud of you.

    I agree with our friends here, I woud not want my mum with a tap in her stomach, or peg fed. When mum had the heart attack last May, I agreed with the doctors DNR, all I want for mum now is dignity, and with Gods help when her time comes she just slips away. I know that this is what she would want.

    Lots of love
    Cate xx
  8. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    North Derbyshire
    Mark, I am only 55 and if I were in your mum's position, I don't think I would want any invasive and uncomfrtable procedures just to keep me alive. Of course, I am not in that position, so what I say might be total rubbish if I am ever in that condition.

    I agree with others, that the insertion of a PEG is a last resort, so you have to ask yourself if your mum's quality of life warrants it.

    My daughter's boyfriend's mother has MS and is in a similar state, unable to feed etc. I guess it won't be long till a PEG is suggested for her, and she is only 54.

    Think about it, my friend. Only you can decide. But at the end of the day you have to think what is best for your mum, not for you.

    My thoughts are with you at this dreadful time.

    Much love


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