Hi IzzyA
Good responses from Tears Falling and Suzanna1969.
I find with my dad that if he begins to get agitated it's best to get him to be on his own, the offer of a cuppa and chocolate biscuit often helps - maybe sitting in a quiet room with some music he enjoys (something soothing - for dad a bit of classical with no singing, or jazz - you'll know what your dad likes) or a TV programme that is not all demanding and has very neutral content, nothing he would get upset by or want to argue against). And I just leave him, no interaction, hardly even check on him.
It's tough, but don't disagree with anything he says - do the whatever but in a pleasant way. Say you're sorry for anything (yep we know it will not be your 'fault' but it takes the sting away from him). Do the sort of baby soothing stuff, but more adult version. And walk away - not nastily but just so he doesn't have you there to bounce his agitation off.
My dad will immediately pick up on any replies and twist them back at me, and get more agitated in the process. He may have dementia but he is very intelligent and I guess the adrenalin kicks in when he gets in that state and he can argue until the cows come home.
I don't even try to reason with him anymore - he is not now capable of having that rational conversation; for a long time I was fooled by his apparent reasoned answers and got pulled into full blown arguments with him being clever and snide and nasty. So I will just need to go to the loo or .... (whatever excuse will get me out of the room).
He's on risperidone too at the moment, his meds are being tweaked to help him. I too find he has times when he seems calm and Ok, then others when he's zonked out - it'll be trial and error to get the dose right, I'm afraid.
It's all so tricky, isn't it.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Thanks, sorry to hear your Dad has been over taken by monsters most of the time too.
When I bring mum up I feel like I am betraying her but I think half the time it would be easier to get dad to calm down if she didn't enter into what he's saying and keep an argument going.
There's is nothing you can guys can say but I don't understand why mum won't drop it. She's a GP, so a stressful job, and I'm beginning to think the stress is starting to make her ill too. Dad can talk utter rubbish and it's very frustrating but she picks him up on the slightest things and they often end up shouting at each other. When that happens life is awful and there is nothing anyone can do it about it.
I love my Dad and when he tantrums I know it's the disease and it breaks my heart that there is nothing I can do.
But when mum gets all shouty it breaks my even more because I'm so close with her and we can confide in each other and I know it's not the real her. Again there is seemingly nothing I can do bit there SHOULD be. I make meals, do food orders, do washing...anything to possibly reduce the stress she's under but living with Dad is hard for all of us.
Most of the time I really don't want my Dad to leave but sometimes I wonder if it would be best?
My youngest brother is eleven and he never seems to get upset in the way I do. Partly because he is often asleep when this happens but also because he was 6 or 7 when Dad was diagnosed and he will have the dementia for even longer than that and I worry that my little brother sees this behave as the norm. This is the worst thing because he isn't in a good environment to learn and do his homework and he is growing up with a screaming dementia ridden role model.
I am a fair bit older than my brother and can see it is the wrong way to behave but even I have a ridiculously quick temper when I'm at home and I am quick to shout. This will be partly due to tiredness but also the environment.
